scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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-5.9


Pretty sure 90% of my flu is gone but I STILL have a bit of a persistant cough left. Also both parents are sick and I've been informed I'm going to have to dedicate all my time to taking care of them yesterday, today, tomorrow and for how long they're sick. I'm going to sound really insensitive here but my Mom is sitting in the living room groaning and moaning and its kind of getting on my nerves, I guess its because I just feel kind of lonely and she didn't say s**t to me yesterday and now I have to contend with both my folks being sick. Yes, I'm being a selfish b***h. I always feel like this is some kind of f*****g contest because I spent a week+ sick and DARED to complain now my parents are sick and of course its a much bigger deal.

Also mad because I have to go to the pharmacy to pick up a bunch of medications for them and the pharmacist there is some old dude that's always a dick to me because of how I sign my name and he was very rude and made me have a near meltdown last time I went and I refused to go anymore. Of course I have no choice now. Also whenever my folks are both sick, especially Mom, its always somehow my fault and they get meaner toward me. Blah..if I get in a fight with the pharmacist I'm pretty much alone now.

Times like this make me wish Grandma wasn't living in a nursing home so I could escape to her house and read or something in solitude. I'm the biggest sociopath in the world because I HATE listening to people moan and groan when they are sick, I don't do that even when I have a fever of 104. Yes, it gets on my nerves. Also I'm just mad in general because of how my folks have been behaving toward me. I hate that I have no one I can "escape" to. My sister is a f*****g liar, criminal and hates me, grandma is in a retirement home, all my other relatives who tolerate me are too far away and other people I know are long gone.

Damn right I'm f*****g mad when my mom sits in the living room moaning loudly, gagging, coughing, acting like she has typhloid fever but when I was sick as s**t she couldn't be bothered to go drop by the gas station to get me some cough drops. I never got anything for my flu until I went out to the store with her to get groceries, while I still had a fever, just so I could remind her I existed and needed something for my sickness. I guess now its time for me to fulfill "slave" duty now that I'm mostly better. I didn't even get to discuss s**t or talk to my therapist yesterday like I expected, just refilled and increased my med dosage and I had to BEG to get her to even take me, no doubt my "early" birthday present . Betting I won't get to go to my next therapy session in August. After all, I got to go this July so I should be "thankful".

3.5
Took the plunge, despite my coughing and went to the track and ran 4 miles. This is the first time I've run since getting sick, probably two weeks, but it made me feel A LOT better and easier for me to think positively. I just hope my body doesn't make me pay, I fixed myself some veggies after running and keep hydrating along with my vitamins in a effort to ward any remnant of this sickness. Looks like I'm going to have to go on the offensive instead of wait it out. Stupid cough, but running wasn't too bad.

-11

Not worth it

jmnixon95, *please* feel better soon.

+1 - not feeling physically well again!
Bad feelings at bay because it's a very busy period - there'll be a grand collapse soon enough

-1.5

Today was very blah. Slept in late, checked the mail and went back to my room. I guess it was dumb of me to expect anything special to happen today . Grandma did call me and said she'd send me a card on Monday but Dad said they would be taking the money. Sister never called, not like I was expecting her to.

At least I'm not coughing (much).

Is it your birthday today, NeueZiel? Happy Birthday!

Is it your birthday today, NeueZiel? Happy Birthday!

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Thanks a ton, I was super depressed this morning but several people on this forum have made me feel really loved.

3.0

Day kind of sucked, gulped down two xanax when I felt like cutting my wrists apart and just said "f**k it". Later on I went to the track and had a rather exhilirating run that must have released some endorphins or something. I was famished when I got back and fixed myself some chicken and broccoli. Listened to some Ministry to cheer me up then watched a MST3k episode. I salvaged my day, though I fear I won't be able to run tomorrow night because our gas is low. Maybe I'll get back into my old routines again with reading and math. I think part of why I feel so good now is because both my parents are asleep and they were a big source of frustration and anger for me today. Now they're asleep.

I'm not sick anymore, I'm taking my vitamins, hydrating a lot but I still have this persistent cough. Its not interfering with too much, maybe it'll finally be gone soon. I want to go to bed now actually but my dog is laying on my bed because she was pouting outside my door. She usually sleeps in my parents room but sometimes they let her out for some ungodly reason o she just gets restless. I feel kind of bad, I don't want to make her get out of my bed because she's old and it hurts her back to move around..but I'm sleepy.

I have a bad feeling about tomorrow and life in general. There are a lot of things I can't talk about here or to anyone. I wish my parents would go ahead and get better.

I'm glad you're feeling better, NeueZiel. Please try not to worry too much about tomorrow- in my experience, things often have a way of working themselves out. There's a lot of good in the world, even if life seems difficult sometimes. Take good care of yourself, won't you? Jenny

Definitely a -7, +/-2 all day. This whole week I've been a -5 or so. Contemplated suicide. Not really going to do it, just contemplating it, how the pain would stop and all that jazz. Definitely not the best week of my life. The worst part about it is that I don't really get to control when the depression comes and goes, it just kind of comes and goes as it pleases. I even get exercise and work out almost every day, and that doesn't always help it, either.

-5

Just hurting , and feeling alone.

0....confused, I don't know if my mom and her boyfriend are pissed at each other, If my mom just had a hard day at work or if she thinks I'm doing worse drugs than I do. All I know is I got home from hanging out with my dad left yesterday morning and got back today...and my mom got home from work and she seemed either angry, upset or disturbed. I didn't want to ask if she was ok because sometimes she takes concern like that the wrong way.

+4 left the human wold behind for three days to far out for a cell phone. Ye ha!! !!

-1 guys should not like me........I had to explain to this dude I cant commit to anything serious because I'm too messed up in the head to really be able to you know, stick with a guy and really try and make things work. But at least I was able to tell him that instead of not saying anything about it so he thought we were dating officially or something.

I was feeling alive and +5 for a portion of the day... then have tired out a bit but still feeling a mellow +2... a little lonely and bored.

-6 f**k everything. Seriously f**k everything.