scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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-8

Having a very hard time coping with rude and drooling idiots all day for my job while my ex continues to kidnap my children.

It's my little one's 6th birthday in a few days... I won't be able to so much as hug him. Gawd.... must stop talking... shutting down hard...

-9

I hate my life...... so f*****g pointless.

(yay for this mobile keyboard that makes it easy to remove coarse word censorship, by the way)

EDIT: Oh, and hooray for our overworked moderators!! >:( (or one of them, anyway)

-9 one better only because the days done and everyone else is asleep.

+3.

-5 kind of wish I were dead

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-5 **** my life, meds or no meds I still feel like killing myself. I have an appointment on the 18th in which I will tell the doctor they should put me in the psych ward before I do anything stupid. Can't shake the feeling people would be better off if I was dead, but I guess since they claim otherwise I'll resort to the psych ward first otherwise I'd just devise a way to end it right now easiest method would be over-dose.

-10, this evening. Guess I have to say "gosh" I wish I was dead, instead of the forbidden f word, or I will maybe get banned, right?

-8 right now I feel upset, and in general I can't see that my life is ever going to change.

I actually have no number to give. I am mostly depressed but I had a good show yesterday. There were several parts of the show that might just might do something but had similar hopes in the past and never does anything. First of all I might work with this company that does pet funerals. What my job is that I would do commissions of their pet off old pictures of their dog/ cat/ bird or whatever that just passed away. I don't know how much they would charge for the commission but my price is $125 a piece. They get up to 4 commissions a week. I doubt anything here would be real because I've had other times that looked like I would have many commissions and nothing ever happened. Typically I get a few a YEAR. So, 4 a week would be good. There were others there that were interested in commissions but nearly every single show I have heard this and only once or twice something actually happened. Then there are a few in my area that want some. I pray I can work for this company. The problem is that right now I am struggling to do anything because of extreme debilitating tiredness. For example I just got up at 1pm. I still feel tired. Then during the day I feel I have to take a nap around 4 or 5 pm. Then go to sleep for the night at 10 pm.

Yesterday on the way home I was constantly hearing voices. One of them sounded like an angel. The other was the Random Phrase Guy who would just say the most random things. The thing that is causing that is obviously a stressor. That is that my brother's student loans are due this week. Before recently I thought they were due at the end of the year. Everything is predetermined because there was just a story on the news about how student loans are destroying families. I don't want to be poor. I have an autism conference that just came up for the 17th. I am starting to travel more to them. I went to Denver to one of them this year. I live in Washington state. I go to Oregon a lot for shows. In fact that is where yesterday's show was and that is where the upcoming autism conference is. So I am stressed about certain things and I pray for others but don't have any hope that it would be real because I have heard this for years.

This is how I steel feel:

-5 **** my life, meds or no meds I still feel like killing myself. I have an appointment on the 18th in which I will tell the doctor they should put me in the psych ward before I do anything stupid. Can't shake the feeling people would be better off if I was dead, but I guess since they claim otherwise I'll resort to the psych ward first otherwise I'd just devise a way to end it right now easiest method would be over-dose.

It's hopeless because I think I'm going to suffer from social anxiety forever.
But this night should be +2/3 if I'm not bored.

-1. Devy's new album is full of mostly love songs. Hur hur hur, whoray...

Great I have to wait two days till I know if I can get a med re-fill....for the meantime I want to finish this stupid room so I am going to go to 7-11 get some legal speed like those energy supplements that are supposed to 'really' work and get that done......and also maybe pack some bags since I think I should leave my mom keeps telling me I am a bad example for my brother........I think her and her boyfriend shouting and slamming things is a bad example but whatever the kid isn't going to possibly stay naive with me around or my mom and her boyfriend.

-7 thank you sleeping pills!

+4.

-3 Still alone but hey... I got to paint my pickup truck's bed floor today and eliminate the rust before it got too bad, and I LOVE my pickup truck!