(C-)PTSD Thread

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What sucks is everyone said since we were a child and we would just get over the trauma. Nope. Doesn't work that way.We imbed it .It’s aways there.
They lied.

Yeah like as if you can just shrug it off. It comes out sooner or later.

I didn't know there was anything wrong with me until about 5 or 4 years ago when things started happening at work and I went psycho on some of my colleagues. I didn't even know I was psychotic at the time. I was hallucinating and the whole shabang. I didn't know what was real and what wasn't. I'm lucky that nothing really bad happened to me or to anyone else. That's the whole reason I had to get therapy.

Sometimes people can completely underestimate the effect trauma can have on a person

^^^ the above by TP actually describes what ,I might think of when people say cancel culture^^^^
When a parent or SO behaves , treats, tortures, reduces a persons life . especially a Parent , it might naturally result in someone cancelling them out of their actual lives ?
Kinda wonder if outside relatives or schools saw the results or action of those behaviour by the parent . ??.?
Why was the concept of child protective services developed? i have to wonder ?
Realized as I aged , things that teachers and Nuns saw in my parochial school ( elementary) should have set off warning bells many times . Regarding my behaviourial interactions . . at school . New meaning to the word target and introvert . But it was a good foundational learning of basics of schooling .

And just btw ...would be good if I coulda forgotten that stuff ....but as it got further behind me, and the effect it was happening on my Real Life .. , [understanding tradgedy] ( reframing it ,appeared to be hellpful to me .) doesn't always help triggers much, have found .

Last edited by Jakki on 01 Feb 2024, 3:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yeah, it’s always there.

I often heard praying about it and focusing on the afterlife when God will fix things by wiping our memories will help. Prayer did not help, and the thought of God wiping my memory just pissed me off. The last thing I need is another man messing with my head. Why couldn’t God just stop things from happening in the first place? (Pre-atheist days)

Listening and offering true support are helpful but almost everything else misses the mark by a wide margin. People need to stop telling victims to “get over it,” “get past it,” “move on,” etc. Talking to supportive people helps with shame, but it’s hard to want to talk to people when they say such things or victim-blame. I told one person offline other than a therapist about my college assault and was so traumatized by their response I haven’t talked to anyone since, not even about my abusive marriage. I’ve felt disconnected from my body and disconnected from society. I’m getting somewhere though. Talking on here has helped.

The guilt and shame aren’t necessarily about the abuse itself. It’s fairly common for people to realise it wasn’t their fault and that they didn’t deserve it. What I find, in my experience, is that the guilt and shame occur in new, unrelated situations throughout my life. Those feelings have become misplaced.

When bad things happen to other people I start feeling it must be my fault, or blaming myself that I should have known ahead of time and prevented their problem. If I do something wrong myself, however minor, and entirely unrelated to my abuse, I feel a level of shame disproportional to my mistake and I can’t forgive myself.

I’m not even thinking about my trauma or my abuse when these responses happen. They’ve become embedded in my self-concept, and they leak out in new interpersonal contexts. Emotional flashbacks seem to be a culprit. If I re-experience emotions from my trauma like helplessness, futility, or vulnerability my nervous system short circuits and I loop into those guilt and shame cycles without even thinking of my trauma. It’s all in the middle part of that ladder where our fight / flight response gets activated.

Oh I get the opposite to that. Like if bad things happen I do think it's to do with me but it's not my fault as such so I don't feel guilty in fact I sometimes enjoy it and I think it's as a result of some kind of knock on effect. It's hard to explain.

I think trauma has resulted in me having a twisted perception of reality to be honest. It's defo f****d me up and I don't know if I can ever become unfucked up

They say it changes the way our neurotransmitters and our entire nervous system works. The body adapts to stay alive and defend itself, similar to biological adaptations during evolution, and those adaptations can't be undone. We can learn to work with our new reality or our limitations, but biology won't work backward to put us back together again.

What I grew up with:

https://jwsurvey.org/mini-surveys/domes ... watchtower

This sort of thinking was widespread in my former belief system. When being mistreated, it was ingrained in me to internalize it and blame myself. I was wrong for not agreeing to sex or whatever.

It’s like I was trained to be so passive I couldn’t even blame someone else when they hurt me. I wasn’t like that as a young child. Over the years, my fight was beaten out of me, and I was brainwashed into believing that I deserved it.

It’s just part of my story. Everyone’s story and the challenges they face is a bit different.

I don’t think any of us can become completely unfucked up. I think it’s more about learning how to deal with the cards we’ve been dealt.

I made the mistake of looking up a major piece of s**t on Facebook…again.

^^^^^ UHM..... what caused youto look up someone, you have classified in such a way? ....^^^^^
................................ if okay to Ask ? ......................................

I don’t really know. Curiosity, I suppose. Some of it had to do with wanting to know where he was living these days. What’s freaky is that he recently went to a certain art museum a month after I was there. We do not live near each other.

Please be careful with any Psychic connections with people who may have abused you in some ways .
" fool me once shame on you , Fool me twice shame on ___ .
IMHO

There’s no risk of that. I’m just glad that I’ve not bumped into him anywhere. He’s currently living in Baltimore. I don’t think I’ll be going there again any time soon…or ever. Seeing him in person would be horrible.

Oh that is weird. I went to a rock concert in the summer last year and I looked behind me and there was a guy sitting five rows behind me who I had a thing with when I was actually still a child and he was a married man. It was really weird. I hadn't seen him in over 30 years. There was 21000 people in the arena.

Wow! That’d be a lot.

Possibilities like that almost make me want to fully retreat and never go anywhere or see anyone.