scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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+1 Better now

- something. Not a good day for me.

-5, stupid PTSD got triggered yesterday and it sucked made me feel pathetic....gives me an urge to off myself(not in danger of doing so at this point in time) but yes when that happens it hard to try and convince myself there is any reason to keep living if I am going to be suddenly attacked by my own screwed up mind and feel like I am in literal danger when everything is fine.

-2. Can't talk properly, just can't help but act awkwardly in public, can't socialize, can't go outdoors without wanting to be back at home in seconds. Self-conscious in public whenever I'm on my own. Recently let out a loud hiccup with others around in public.
Is this the result of being all by myself for too long? Oh well! At least there's the internet where most of these things can't be noticed!

-6 Crap housing situation which has been going on for months. SO tired of it and being lied to.

Was doing good,almost a nine,then a family member weirded out badly,they have took my car(without my permission),and their puppy is locked in their cabin,which I can't get to now,trying to get a hold of a neighbor to take me,I'm worried about the puppy.Feeling below zero and falling,mostly anxiety.
I've been really worried about this person,lots of paranoia going on,I've begged them to see someone to get help but they won't.They just kicked the s**t out of my coffee table and crap went everywhere,then they ran out and jumped in my car and spun off.
So I'm worried sick about family,the puppy,and my car.
And not having a car makes me feel helpless,and I hate that.There is a stupid four wheeler here,but I don't think I can drive it and hold the pup safely.
Amazing how things can go from great to totally sucking in less than an hour.

4. Back extremely painful this morning, worst it has been so far.

-2, eh, could of actually practiced for that performance of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony, had previously played it two years ago but that wasn't really enough.

Also really didn't study for the E+M test like I needed too, sigh, I never learn do I.

A friend has the puppy,I was worried it would chew something like a extension cord.Everything else blah.

If this was for me, thank you for the kind wishes. I tend to wake up the next morning feeling a different mood and feeling very stupid and embarrassed for writing out my feelings in a moment of struggle when I let myself do so... so hadn't replied until now out of embarrassment >_>

Yes it was for you

Please keep sharing, it's not stupid at all. It's just being human..

Why cant it just end...I don't want it to end I want life but I can't take it so what do I do....Iam i doomed to a young death, I just don't know.....all I know is I can't cope with the world and all its competition.....just like syd barret I am not meant for this world. I just cant take it anymore.....but keep trying because I want to live life even if it destroys me.

Sounds like a -10 day for you Sweetleaf. Be kind to yourself today. Treat yourself like an honoured guest.
Give yourself a break, take it easy, one thing at a time, get the rest you need. Tomorrow is another day..

-10, no one can know I want to off myself....its to painful for them, but its how I feel.


I cannot feel the joy like they do, I don't have hope I am weak......don't know what can be done with me. But listening to sad music about my potential friends death feels better than feeling nothing at all right now.

I know that feeling and how it screens out everything else while it lasts. But it doesn't last. Otherwise I wouldn't be on WP or the planet. Hang in there. Stay in touch. Be kind and gentle to yourself meantime. This will pass. I know it doesn't feel as if it will, but it will. Feelings aren't facts, in this case.

Hey I am trying...its just hard because I feel like such a f****d up failure....I try not to give into that feeling but its still how I feel much of the time. Trying to keep the health in mind but sometimes don't even care if I am slowly killing myself. I don't want to die per say, I just get sick of the pain and I don't know what to do....but I always try to keep it from people. LIke if I am sad and somene asks I'd be willing to admit I snorted a line of coke and am just really high but not sad...before I admit I feel ripped up inside and out from experiences I've had.

What is wrong with me, should I just die and have that be the end of it? I just want to have fun and live my life but that is morally wrong to so what to do?

Last edited by Sweetleaf on 06 May 2014, 11:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.