scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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-2 I am tired of being tired all the time. I don't know if I'm coming down with something, or if it's just the meds.

Well it depends if I'm going by a logical perspective or a instinctive euphoria based perspective. Logically since I'm in a state of abnormal mental clarity I'm obliged to say a 9/10 considering for the next couple hours I won't be making any transactions that I'll see as detriments later on.

Instinctively everyone is pleasure driven, and instinctive pleasure tends to mesh poorly with rationality. So the two rarely coincide proportionally. That being said the 1 left in 9/10 would be attributed to my pleasure.

-1 my sister comes to visit tomorrow which, is something I'm never fond of. Oh well

about 3 right now.

-3.3 Have a good part time job, I got accepted to graduate school, yet things just aren't shiny enough.

Picking at my face constantly, Doctor says to come back weighing less, like that'll happen. Wasting money on stupid games in desperate attempts to keep myself happy. On enough drugs to keep me from feeling anything, though recently backed off a little on them, just because I couldn't do anything but sleep.

What do I want? I want to see her again. I want her to be happy with me. I want to change the past. Unfortunately, that is not possible. Well, I might see her again, if she's still there when I go back to school. Sad as that may be.

So, yeah, -3.3.

-5.

+4, since I googled "aspergers strengths" to find there are more than an endless stream of problems with my brain wiring.

Finding it hard waiting for my formal diagnosis next month.

+8 the hentai was nice

+9. I have everything I need right now. No allergies bothering me. Complete enjoyment of mindfulness in a middle of chaos without any meltdowns. I'm so satisfied with the results of my self-training. xD

I think, I'm beginning to smile and do what I LIKE to do lately. No anxieties, no pressures. Just myself, my real thoughts, my real expressions that isn't being treated like a crap. And IRL people even appreciates it...
Even I have still have doubts, worries, and questions in my head, I'm not anxious or overwhelmed.

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Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

+1

-3

+2 Getting suicidal thoughts to stick is actually pretty hard. Even if I try triggering them via my higher functions, suicidal thoughts just do not want to stick. I guess self preservation is pretty strongly built into my psyche.

Anyway, I am guilty of some pretty immoral thinking towards her, so I should just leave her alone.

On a positive note, there are always plenty of cute girls in the Wheaton Pops, and they actually will say hi to me. And we're playing Star Wars and Star Trek this year.

-10

I'm done with the internet and people for good.

i lost a friend