scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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-10

...I'm sure nobody reads my cries for help in the overtaking darkness anyway. So I'm not going to bother writing out why I feel like doing the unspeakable.

I HAVE TO get my head out of my memories and daydreams.

I made those memories by being present in the life that I had then. I can only make new memories by being present in the life I have now.

Those memories and daydreams are stealing the life I have now. But I don't want to give them up, and I'm afraid to be fully present in my life.

-5

Certainly feels that way doesn't it.

Hugs

-6

5

-8.

Hellish.

-2

I feel okay for having a job, and a place to sleep.
I hate myself, but I've learned to consider it normal, rather than something bad.
I'm lonely, but as long as no one cares, why should I?
The only people who give a damn are 1000 miles away (literally).
I want to feel something, but I don't know what, or how. I want to crawl out of the deep hole I dug for myself.

It's a small step up from -10 though. I'm happy for you.

I like my cats. Cats make me happy. I should have been a crazy cat lady. Except that I like my kids too. Most of the time. Sometimes the cats make me mad too.

-Meow

It is short lived.

-9, at least. I'm pretty sure.

So there is an anger boiling up inside me like I've never felt. I'm pretty sure people've noticed. I know one person who's noticed and said I looked like I was about to cry and was pretty red-faced. This is the opposite of what I wanted to hear... and so questions like, "What am I doing wrong?" and "Why are people noticing" are flooding my thought process and it's just a never-ending cycle of anxiety and wondering if I were better off dead and that I'm just in the way of everybody. I have a job, I have a roof, and I have myself. Yet, the thoughts keep going on. Begging for the answer as to why people continue to notice my misery.

-10.
Triggering down to holy shiitake mushrooms level of emptional pain. (Mostly guilt)
Hopefully I can dig myself out of this before anything truly damaging happens psychosomaticly.

-6

-8

3 or 4/10
I've been feeling very ostracized recently, without any close relationships, almost none at all, actually, and I can no longer afford to see my therapist, hence why I looked for & found this website. I'm glad I found a place with the potential of being a kind of community for me, but I'm confused & I'm not quite sure how I should go about using this site... I checked out the faq and it wasn't much help. I don't have technical questions, just social ones...