scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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I am almost done with an AAS in Equine Management, an AAS in Agriculture Production, and a one year certificate in "Production Technology". The ag department doesn't have many teachers so I've only been able to take two classes for most semesters due to classes that I need either not being offered or being offered at the same times so I have to choose one. The department head is getting me two AAS with skillful course substitutions as a sort of apology for it taking so long.

Maybe we should move this to PM so we don't take over the thread?

Fighting the desire to get rid of everyone I know IRL except Hubby, MIL, and kids.

-7 feeing like I'm unlovable and worthless

3
I was at 2 but then I went through this thread for a while to distract myself and now I'm at 3 which is probably about average for me in my current life situation. At least it's nice and cool outside this morning.

Sorry you're feeling bad Sly279

In two months, it will be seven years since my Dad died and I found out my whole damn family other than my stepmom and grandparents saw me as nothing but a possession.

It's ten years this summer since I realized all the clinical literature about us must be true, at least from an NT's perspective, and started evaluating every breath, every thought, every word, every action, for signs of autism. Ten years of trying harder and harder to be NORMAL, to be FEMININE, to be submissive. Ten years of cutting off things I loved because "special interests are autistic." Ten years of letting the people around me tell me what's real, because my perceptions are autistic.

I haven't gotten off the couch in two days. I can barely drag myself to the bathroom. It's like life on Risperdal, except I'm alert and STILL have no energy and don't care to live any more.

I cut myself away and cut myself away and cut myself away, and told myself I had to do it because myself was autism. Now there isn't enough left to have a life. Not enough left to laugh, not enough left to love, not enough left to live.

Now they tell me they never wanted me to do this. If they never wanted me to do this, why did they mock and accuse and threaten and demand??

PLEASE GOD LET ME DIE.

There are "bright line moments" in life.

Things that change your worldview radically, that once you've had the realizations, you can't go back to the way you saw things and did things before.

Some of them make you a better, stronger, happier, more loving person. Some of them break your spirit.

The last few in my life have been the kind that break you down. I can't seem to produce a positive world view, or a positive view of myself, any more, short of the kind of efforts at deception and concealment that are completely exhausting. The kind of advice I would give my friends no longer applies to me.

I've had a few moments in my life that changed everything for the better, but the ugly realizations have cancelled those out. I don't expect change. You only get so many angels in a lifetime.

You're not worthless.

-9 hopeless

But I am in societies view which most women follow without question. I'm in ssi and can only manage 20 hours a week for work. So I live off around 700-900 a month. I can't afford to fix, buy or insure a car. So I'm jobless(in women's eyes), careless and I don't have my own place I rent a place with family. On top of all that I'm bit chubby and super ugly.

Very Few women I do get interest from are just lying and leading me on for what suck purpose i dont know

Well, let's pretend I'm 29 and single... I have my own car, so I don't need you to have one. I have my own place, nothing great but it's mine. We can go there if we wanna, you know. If we decide to live together, we can live there (but no griping about my 30 year old single-wide trailer). I have my own income, it's not much because I majored in liberal arts, but it's more important to me to be frugal than wealthy anyway.

We're all going to finish life up old, sick, or both; either fat or emaciated, and saggy and wrinkled. Or else we're going to die suddenly. I bet you have some great features. Nice eyes?? A warm smile?? A comforting grip?? An upper arm that makes a nice pillow?? Sense of humor?? Empathy and compassion?? Deep thoughts?? The ability to have conversations that would only be interesting to an autistic, for hours?? Willingness to work, in one form or another, whether you can handle a full time job or not??

10 + +

+2. I am struggling with balancing work with other obligations, but otherwise pretty good.

Sadly there's very few women like you or sweetleaf and they all like you two are already taken.

I'd rather not live into old age. The idea of living that long alone and sad isn't life.
I dont know my face is quite ugly
I make people laugh, both on purpose and not, doesn't seem rather helpful though.
Empathy and compassion seem rather u wanted by most women. I tend to feel more empathy towards animals and bugs. I don't really like them but I value their life and feel for their situation.
I try to work hard but I'm also a bit lazy and enjoy playing video games

It's surprising how many people in this world see themselves as ugly, when in reality they are actually decent looking or at least average. There is a subreddit forum where people post their faces to be rated by others, and so many of them have extremely low self-esteem despite having faces that are anything but ugly. They post there for confirmation of their poor self-image. I used to see myself as ugly. Looking back at this period, I realized that I easily could have been more attractive than I am now - I simply didn't put effort into making myself look presentable. I didn't have a nice smile, my hair was messy, and I didn't bother to wear nice clothing. I also barely ever took pictures of myself. All of that slowly changed as I began to love myself, flaws and all. It was tough, and it was a very slow process. I still get depressed at times, but I don't beat myself up like I used to.

Being lazy and playing video games is fine by the way

incalculable

I've been there and posted. Most the people posting there are gorgeous women I noticed. I posted like I said cause most responses were your not ugly, but all my responses were "you're super ugly sorry dude"
Here's recent pictures I took today after shaving viewtopic.php?t=352032

It is? Most women say in dating sites they don't want a lazy gamer guy, they want an ambitious go getter.