Board index › Coping in life › The Haven

Feeling hopeless (trigger warning - suicide)

Page 19 of 47 [ 741 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22 ... 47  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

dragonsanddemons
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,659
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan

03 Dec 2017, 8:13 am

300series wrote:
I hope you can get some sleep tonight. Do you get any pleasure from walking your dog?



I was prescribed Abilify a few years ago when I was severely depressed, and my regular Paxil was not working any more. It seemed to help a little bit in the beginning, when I first began taking it, but my depression got worse again after only about a week of taking it. I told my doctor, and we increased the dosage, but it still did not work. Finally, after my prescription refills expired, I just stopped taking it completely, and now I only talk Paxil & a Centrum vitamin every day. Although I still have my good days & my bad days, it helps a lot. I hope you have better luck with your medications that I did with them, and I hope things get better for you.



Big hugs.


I do usually feel a bit better after taking Merlin for a walk, yes. I'm thinking it would be beneficial to add in another walk each day.

Yeah, on the Abilify, I felt a bit better for a couple weeks, and then I started feeling worse. I'll see what my psychologist wants to do medication-wise on Tuesday. Probably no more Abilify for me if he agrees that that's probably what's been causing my suicidal thoughts.


_________________
Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

03 Dec 2017, 9:24 am

Wolfman Hugs ❤️

How are you feeling this morning?

Have you read King Arthur?



Temeraire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2017
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,522
Location: Wiltshire, U.K.

03 Dec 2017, 9:29 am

dragonsanddemons wrote:
300series wrote:
I hope you can get some sleep tonight. Do you get any pleasure from walking your dog?



I was prescribed Abilify a few years ago when I was severely depressed, and my regular Paxil was not working any more. It seemed to help a little bit in the beginning, when I first began taking it, but my depression got worse again after only about a week of taking it. I told my doctor, and we increased the dosage, but it still did not work. Finally, after my prescription refills expired, I just stopped taking it completely, and now I only talk Paxil & a Centrum vitamin every day. Although I still have my good days & my bad days, it helps a lot. I hope you have better luck with your medications that I did with them, and I hope things get better for you.



Big hugs.


I do usually feel a bit better after taking Merlin for a walk, yes. I'm thinking it would be beneficial to add in another walk each day.

Yeah, on the Abilify, I felt a bit better for a couple weeks, and then I started feeling worse. I'll see what my psychologist wants to do medication-wise on Tuesday. Probably no more Abilify for me if he agrees that that's probably what's been causing my suicidal thoughts.


Good morning Demons - you get up nice and early.
It's actually 14.25 pm here.
I shall be off out to walk the whippet shortly.



Britte
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 23 Nov 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,136
Location: @

03 Dec 2017, 10:57 am

hi d+d. I hope your day is going well. Forgive me if this has already been suggested, as I haven't read beyond the last page. Since reading your comment, below, and a comment you made about obsessiveness, I was thinking that, perhaps, your thoughts of suicide could be the direct result of a certain type of OCD, and, in turn, , perhaps a different type of medication, such as one that, specifically, targets OCD symptoms could be of benefit to you. I just thought I'd mention it, in case you will be bringing it up when you see your doctor on Tuesday. I Hope you have a good day! :flower:

dragonsanddemons wrote:
I just wish there was some way to make these suicidal thoughts go away. I'm getting so tired of seeing the image of myself bleeding out in the bathtub or lying on the floor unconscious from a medication overdose. It's honestly getting a little tempting to do it just to make them stop :(

It's a good thing I only have four Abilify pills left, or I'd be very afraid I might end up trying to take them all to die.



dragonsanddemons
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,659
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan

03 Dec 2017, 11:17 am

Britte wrote:
hi d+d. I hope your day is going well. Forgive me if this has already been suggested, as I haven't read beyond the last page. Since reading your comment, below, and a comment you made about obsessiveness, I was thinking that, perhaps, your thoughts of suicide could be the direct result of a certain type of OCD, and, in turn, , perhaps a different type of medication, such as one that, specifically, targets OCD symptoms could be of benefit to you. I just thought I'd mention it, in case you will be bringing it up when you see your doctor on Tuesday. I Hope you have a good day! :flower:

dragonsanddemons wrote:
I just wish there was some way to make these suicidal thoughts go away. I'm getting so tired of seeing the image of myself bleeding out in the bathtub or lying on the floor unconscious from a medication overdose. It's honestly getting a little tempting to do it just to make them stop :(

It's a good thing I only have four Abilify pills left, or I'd be very afraid I might end up trying to take them all to die.


You're right, it does sound like it could be the kind of intrusive thoughts that can come with OCD. That's definitely something to keep in mind if getting off the Abilify doesn't help.


_________________
Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


dragonsanddemons
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,659
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan

03 Dec 2017, 11:19 am

Temeraire wrote:
dragonsanddemons wrote:
300series wrote:
I hope you can get some sleep tonight. Do you get any pleasure from walking your dog?



I was prescribed Abilify a few years ago when I was severely depressed, and my regular Paxil was not working any more. It seemed to help a little bit in the beginning, when I first began taking it, but my depression got worse again after only about a week of taking it. I told my doctor, and we increased the dosage, but it still did not work. Finally, after my prescription refills expired, I just stopped taking it completely, and now I only talk Paxil & a Centrum vitamin every day. Although I still have my good days & my bad days, it helps a lot. I hope you have better luck with your medications that I did with them, and I hope things get better for you.



Big hugs.


I do usually feel a bit better after taking Merlin for a walk, yes. I'm thinking it would be beneficial to add in another walk each day.

Yeah, on the Abilify, I felt a bit better for a couple weeks, and then I started feeling worse. I'll see what my psychologist wants to do medication-wise on Tuesday. Probably no more Abilify for me if he agrees that that's probably what's been causing my suicidal thoughts.


Good morning Demons - you get up nice and early.
It's actually 14.25 pm here.
I shall be off out to walk the whippet shortly.


I get up to feed Merlin, and then I go back to sleep for a few hours, usually :)


_________________
Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


dragonsanddemons
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,659
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan

03 Dec 2017, 11:22 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Wolfman Hugs ❤️

How are you feeling this morning?

Have you read King Arthur?


I'm feeling a bit better, despite not getting much sleep. For some reason, my depression and stuff is usually worse at night.

I actually haven't read King Arthur. Merlin came to me with the name.


_________________
Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


Temeraire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2017
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,522
Location: Wiltshire, U.K.

03 Dec 2017, 11:55 am

I am glad you are feeling better, despite less sleep.
I know I sleep too much because I can't get motivated.
If you can get into a healthy sleep pattern this helps but I have not managed this yet.
So I am no one to speak of this really when I don't practice what I preach.

There are a few complicated or complex forms of OCD which cause some very distressing thoughts and feelings.
I can't remember the actual name of it but it can be missed because people are wrongly diagnosed with other things.

I have decided to join you with giving my pooch an extra walk. She won't mind either because she is always up for a walk outside or a long sniffing session.

My meatballs are bubbling away, another achievement for the day.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

03 Dec 2017, 12:25 pm

It’s not unusual for many things to be worse at night.

When I get the flu, or I feel down, it’s always worse at night.



dragonsanddemons
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,659
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan

03 Dec 2017, 12:57 pm

Temeraire wrote:
I am glad you are feeling better, despite less sleep.
I know I sleep too much because I can't get motivated.
If you can get into a healthy sleep pattern this helps but I have not managed this yet.
So I am no one to speak of this really when I don't practice what I preach.

There are a few complicated or complex forms of OCD which cause some very distressing thoughts and feelings.
I can't remember the actual name of it but it can be missed because people are wrongly diagnosed with other things.

I have decided to join you with giving my pooch an extra walk. She won't mind either because she is always up for a walk outside or a long sniffing session.

My meatballs are bubbling away, another achievement for the day.


I have chronic insomnia that was pretty bad last night, although I confess I tend to stay up far later than I should.

Yeah, I'll make sure to mention it to my psychiatrist if we try getting me off of the Abilify and that doesn't help. I've thought for a while that I might have borderline OCD, but that my symptoms probably aren't bad enough to warrant a diagnosis or anything. It's hard for me to tell how much is because of my autism and how much isn't.

Merlin will also be delighted to get an extra walk, he loves them too.


_________________
Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


dragonsanddemons
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,659
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan

03 Dec 2017, 1:05 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
It’s not unusual for many things to be worse at night.

When I get the flu, or I feel down, it’s always worse at night.


Yeah, I also feel worse at night when I'm sick, too. I suspect it has something to do with being mentally and/or physically worn out from the day.


_________________
Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


Temeraire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2017
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,522
Location: Wiltshire, U.K.

03 Dec 2017, 1:15 pm

dragonsanddemons wrote:
Temeraire wrote:
I am glad you are feeling better, despite less sleep.
I know I sleep too much because I can't get motivated.
If you can get into a healthy sleep pattern this helps but I have not managed this yet.
So I am no one to speak of this really when I don't practice what I preach.

There are a few complicated or complex forms of OCD which cause some very distressing thoughts and feelings.
I can't remember the actual name of it but it can be missed because people are wrongly diagnosed with other things.

I have decided to join you with giving my pooch an extra walk. She won't mind either because she is always up for a walk outside or a long sniffing session.

My meatballs are bubbling away, another achievement for the day.


I have chronic insomnia that was pretty bad last night, although I confess I tend to stay up far later than I should.

Yeah, I'll make sure to mention it to my psychiatrist if we try getting me off of the Abilify and that doesn't help. I've thought for a while that I might have borderline OCD, but that my symptoms probably aren't bad enough to warrant a diagnosis or anything. It's hard for me to tell how much is because of my autism and how much isn't.

Merlin will also be delighted to get an extra walk, he loves them too.


I would say your symptoms are more than bad enough to assess at least. OCD comes in all different forms and it may surprise you to find out just how it can affect you. I am no expert in assessment but I do know there are usually many different nuances to these diagnosis, just as there is a spectrum for us Aspies and Auties.

Hopefully your next session with the psychiatrist will be fruitful and you will be heard and understood. If it is the Abilify then great. But it is hard to know what aspects of any of our behaviour belongs to our autism, co-morbids or just our current mood and I get this. We are complicated creatures. Full of colour and tunes.

Keep faith in yourself - I believe you can get through this as you are a strong and brave dragon.



300series
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 14 Jan 2016
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 735
Location: San Diego, California

03 Dec 2017, 1:25 pm

I am sorry that your insomnia was really bad last night; I know what it is like.



My reaction to Abilify was almost the same as yours. The doctor I saw started me out with 2 milligram tablets which worked well for about a week, and then my depression got worse again. When I told the doctor, she increased the dosage to the 5 milligram tablets, and I did not notice any major improvement in my mood. I was never really taken off of the Abilify; my prescription refills just ran out & I stopped taking them. I no-longer see that doctor any more, and now I get my Paxil prescriptions from my regular doctor.



I never really liked that doctor very much because whenever I had an appointment with her, she would only see me for less than five minutes & we never discussed anything in depth about my life & my feelings. All she did was just give me pills & expect me to be all better. She was also extremely formal & she always used complex medical terminology that I did not understand, so I am a lot better with my current arrangement. I see a psychologist who talks to me for 45 minutes about my life in depth, and I get my prescription medication from my medical doctor.



Is the Trazodone helping you at all? For me, it helped somewhat with my sleep, but it was never very beneficial for my depression.



I am glad that you enjoy playing with Merlin & taking him for a walk every day. How old is he? I am just curious.



A series of big hugs.



dragonsanddemons
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,659
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan

03 Dec 2017, 1:41 pm

Temeraire wrote:
dragonsanddemons wrote:
Temeraire wrote:
I am glad you are feeling better, despite less sleep.
I know I sleep too much because I can't get motivated.
If you can get into a healthy sleep pattern this helps but I have not managed this yet.
So I am no one to speak of this really when I don't practice what I preach.

There are a few complicated or complex forms of OCD which cause some very distressing thoughts and feelings.
I can't remember the actual name of it but it can be missed because people are wrongly diagnosed with other things.

I have decided to join you with giving my pooch an extra walk. She won't mind either because she is always up for a walk outside or a long sniffing session.

My meatballs are bubbling away, another achievement for the day.


I have chronic insomnia that was pretty bad last night, although I confess I tend to stay up far later than I should.

Yeah, I'll make sure to mention it to my psychiatrist if we try getting me off of the Abilify and that doesn't help. I've thought for a while that I might have borderline OCD, but that my symptoms probably aren't bad enough to warrant a diagnosis or anything. It's hard for me to tell how much is because of my autism and how much isn't.

Merlin will also be delighted to get an extra walk, he loves them too.


I would say your symptoms are more than bad enough to assess at least. OCD comes in all different forms and it may surprise you to find out just how it can affect you. I am no expert in assessment but I do know there are usually many different nuances to these diagnosis, just as there is a spectrum for us Aspies and Auties.

Hopefully your next session with the psychiatrist will be fruitful and you will be heard and understood. If it is the Abilify then great. But it is hard to know what aspects of any of our behaviour belongs to our autism, co-morbids or just our current mood and I get this. We are complicated creatures. Full of colour and tunes.

Keep faith in yourself - I believe you can get through this as you are a strong and brave dragon.


Yeah, the nature of my suicidal thoughts recently absolutely warrants assessment for OCD or something, if it isn't just because of the medication change.


_________________
Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


dragonsanddemons
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,659
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan

03 Dec 2017, 1:44 pm

300series wrote:
I am sorry that your insomnia was really bad last night; I know what it is like.



My reaction to Abilify was almost the same as yours. The doctor I saw started me out with 2 milligram tablets which worked well for about a week, and then my depression got worse again. When I told the doctor, she increased the dosage to the 5 milligram tablets, and I did not notice any major improvement in my mood. I was never really taken off of the Abilify; my prescription refills just ran out & I stopped taking them. I no-longer see that doctor any more, and now I get my Paxil prescriptions from my regular doctor.



I never really liked that doctor very much because whenever I had an appointment with her, she would only see me for less than five minutes & we never discussed anything in depth about my life & my feelings. All she did was just give me pills & expect me to be all better. She was also extremely formal & she always used complex medical terminology that I did not understand, so I am a lot better with my current arrangement. I see a psychologist who talks to me for 45 minutes about my life in depth, and I get my prescription medication from my medical doctor.



Is the Trazodone helping you at all? For me, it helped somewhat with my sleep, but it was never very beneficial for my depression.



I am glad that you enjoy playing with Merlin & taking him for a walk every day. How old is he? I am just curious.



A series of big hugs.


I'm the same with the Trazodone - it helps me sleep, but doesn't seem to have any effect on my depression. Merlin is 3. I've had him since January, so it's been almost a year now.


_________________
Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"


300series
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 14 Jan 2016
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 735
Location: San Diego, California

03 Dec 2017, 2:40 pm

I forgot to mention that the same thing happened to me with Trazodone that happened with Abilify; I quit taking it just because my refills ran out, and I never requested more pills because they were not helpful. I was on the 50 milligram tablet dosage.



How are things going with you today? Are you spending time with Merlin? Have you done any chores or raked leaves? Is your mood any better today?



Waiting until Tuesday for your therapy appointment is the hardest part, and I really hope it goes better than your previous appointments. I will still be here for you.



300 big hugs.