Rants

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HUMMANAHUMMANAWAKKADOOOWAKKADOOO!1!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !

nevermind, rant about the usual

I've been living with someone who is also on the spectrum, and a bit more than I am, so things can be pretty difficult sometimes. The main thing, though, is that she seems to be completely oblivious to the concept of consideration. I've talked to her kindly over and over about noise levels when I'm asleep. I always make sure to be as quiet as I can when she's asleep, but she doesn't show the same courtesy. She occasionally might manage to close a door somewhat quietly, but there isn't a day that goes by that she hasn't woken me up in the morning with a slammed door.

I went to bed yesterday at around 8:30pm after having been up since 2:30am, and after 5 hours she's in her bedroom (which is adjacent to mine) cleaning or re-arranging, making a lot of noise, and I finally yell at her. I just don't understand how someone can not stop and think, "hmm, I probably shouldn't do this right now," considering that someone is asleep in the next room.

I remember not grasping stuff like this as a kid, but I learned, and now I'm quite a stickler about things. It seems her life experiences have never allowed for any maturity. I guess she gets zoned out in her world and completely forgets other people exist, because no matter how many times I've talked to her, she goes right back to it. That's really the only thing. She's not a problem in any other matter except making noise. I've even shown her how to do things very quietly, and she doesn't grasp it.

Well, luckily, I'll be moving soon. Has anyone else dealt with something similar, or have you been accused of being constantly inconsiderate?

Is this really it? Do I really want to end it all soon. Life seems so pointless. At least my life does. I don't deserve anything. I should just go away then. I won't be a bother then, forever. I am not sure if there is another way.

Right, seriously think People can't see and don't know what you are after. You're after $$$ - plain as the cute little nose on your face.

Imagine things and then fear them all you want, but don't act as though your scenario has the same chances of happening as anything else. Especially, don't expect me to act as though an extremely improbable scenario has the same validity as a scenario that assumes that most things will continue as they have done in the past. Most of all, don't characterize my refusal to grant your imagined scenario that level of validity as being disrespectful to you. Make a valid case for your scenario and I'll respect it. I respect and care about you too much to ignore the absurdity of your wild imaginings.

I want someone to talk to.

My mind and emotions just won't stop going around in circles. I keep pulling myself together to handle my public responsibilities, but privately I feel like screaming.

I am VERY angry with my transportation. I got off of work at 2 pm, and wasn't picked up until 2:30 pm. I have a driver today who is new and, as I later learned, incompetent, because she thought a coworker of mine, who rides with me, lives in Solon and not Bay Village (where she really lives). This is a big deal because Solon is a whole hour away from where I live, and by the time my driver corrected myself and dropped me and my coworker off, it was almost 4:30pm; I should have been home long before then!

I sat in the van for two f***ing hours! People actually die from sitting for excessive periods of time (I'm not making this up); I could have been a casualty!

I swear to God, I'm surrounded by incompetent mouthbreathers! May god have mercy on their souls...

If you NEED to be in my way, fine. If you just get in my way out of a lack of concern for how much you inconvenience the people around you, then wake the F up, or else just die already.

What is wrong with me? Seriously? WTF.

People are coming to visit, emailing, asking me to meet them for lunch or whatever and yet I am sitting here, thinking to myself, I have no friends, why do I have no friends?

I mean, what exactly is wrong with me ffs?

I work part time at Walmart as a Cashier. I witness one of my co-workers on the spectrum getting yelled at by a very bitchy, mean old lady. All he was doing was picking up baskets and carts and returning them to the cart return area. Her cart was empty and he thought she was done with it and grabbed it to it back. She was yelling what is wrong with you, you are so awful. Can't you see that I'm using this cart. I was so upset by this event that I had a very difficult time doing my job for the rest of my shift! Mean, mean, mean, NT's.....

I hate my job....People are so mean and in considerate. Saturdays are the worst day of the week. There's so many people getting groceries. Can't people shop on other days to. Why Saturday? I hate Walmart, but I need the money. If only I could make enough money working at home away from people. I come home with headaches and it takes me hours to pull myself back together. I hate my life sometimes!

I get so pissed off at stupid people getting pissed off because of people doing stupid things at work. Example: One of my coworkers today said she was sick and tired of all the stupid people at work and she was going to go on strike. Five minutes later she found a pair of keys in her pocket and was making accusation's that someone was playing a joke on her and put them there. She was asking people, "Who put these keys in my pocket ?" Later in the day she remembered picking up her keys from a end table at her parents house the day before. She said that they must be her parents keys because they had attached themselves to her keys. She called her parents and sure enough they were there keys. Five minutes later she was ranting again about stupid co-workers.

It will take monumental self-control to have any ridges at all left on my teeth by the end of the day, today. It seemed to get off to a fairly decent start, but about an hour in, I got some frustrating news and after that the day just kept piling irritation on top of annoyance.

People seriously think that if they act like I have behaved unreasonably, I'll just play along in the face of overwhelming evidence that they created this situation which would anger any reasonable person. I can think of some reasonable people whom we all know. Let's put the question to them, shall we? I doubt that it will get to that point, though, because I have no intention of buckling under the force of your 60 watt personality.

I don't actually believe that you're stupid; I believe that you're arrogant. Take it far enough, and you will also achieve stupid; I know that from experience.

After over 27 years, having to be pretty much the only one who truly believed in me, having to build up my own confidence, telling myself that they were wrong… but if they were, I wouldnt keep f*****g up. every chance I get. I’m not even exaggerating. I had so many plans, I’d been waiting practically all year for this moment to come and when it does, what do I do? Completely destroy any chance I had of doing any of them for another 6 months, at least. So I’ll be stuck in exactly the same place, unable to move forward with my life.
This was meant to be it, when I finally show the world, and myself, what I can really do. But in less than a week, I completely ruin everything. Maybe that’s all I’m actually capable of. f*****g up. I don’t even have the energy to be pissed off at myself…. I’m just pathetic. If was actually capable of doing what I wanted, I would have done it by now.
I guess I was just in denial for all these years…