Rants

Post Reply New Topic

I've been having a lot of distress about working as a person with ASD (and embracing it) in an environment where people are constantly trying to correct ASD traits. I have no problem with them improving people's quality of life, but I think they often do it in a way that is not respectful to the individual and their way of thinking/processing.

I cannot read anything about "cure" or "normalizing people" anymore. It's grating on my nerves, almost like witnessing someone getting hurt. I had a therapy session and feel better now, but I am distancing myself from everything suggesting the above and only taking in what I actually need to take in as part of my professional commitment.

Like:
Swimming alone/nearly alone late at night in a quiet, empty swimming pool.
Dislike:
Swimming in the bright sun around twenty other people all screeching and splashing and throwing things and accidentally hitting me ("He did it!" is not an apology...)

I love water. It calms me. But not in most situations where I encounter it.

People ruin the peace and my attitude.

WHAT IN THE WORLD made you think it was a good idea to put a bag of garbage out on your balcony, in the middle of a heat wave, and then leave for a few days of vacation?! !? The magpies had a feast on the half-rotten meat that was spread all over the place. And the flies....Oh god the flies.

I wonder if you were just to lazy to walk 2 times to carry all your stuff and just left me to deal with the mess.

I wouldn't have much to dislike about you if it wasn't for your stupid, constantly annoying inferiority complex.

I'm so f*****g annoyed with people I know constantly trying to control me and shape my personality to their personal preferences. They pretend to me and theirselves that they're trying to helping me, but they're actually killing me. All they want to do is have some sort of control over me.
I HATE IT!
I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT

OhfuckohfuckohfuckohfuckohFUCK

I am so sick and goddamned tired of having to take care of my mother. I just want my life to be over, the quicker, the better.

I hate racism. I hate racist people. I hate them all.

And...

STOP shaming my every coping mechanism with your cancerous lies. It's like yanking out the wheelchair or crutches from a disabled person. You're only making things worse for me. Let me live my own life; I'm not harming anyone. YOU, on the other hand, ARE.

I'm very tired of living in this NT world. I wish I would go to sleep and never wake up.

It's all churchy stuff, all the time around here. I can dig that its important to y'all, but it seems like you have nothing else in your lives. The omnipresence has started to seriously get on my nerves.

I'm so sick of myself and other like-minded members constantly being judged on here by people who think just because they feel a certain way, everyone else should or they're pathetic. I get judged all the time IRL and I get judged all the time on here. f**k life, I'm sick of it

I really dislike rude.stupid, ugly, stinky Wal Mart customers.

I'm frustrated. Forgive me if this belongs elsewhere on this site. I just joined two days ago.

I'm beginning to learn that everything that was EVER wrong with me, and still very much is is because I'm an Aspie. I hate that it should matter whether or not I was diagnosed cause now it's all "Well, how do you know?" and I have to tell horrible, horrible things I'd rather not say. I was diagnosed as so many things that I'm not. Aspergers is the only thing that makes sense. My entire self was taken and I had nothing and no one. I knew I was different but didn't know how.

It's a long story, but I completely lacked confidence, feeling that I was a worthless nobody who could and would never fit in, not knowing outright that am wired differently and not fitting in is ok now. Something happened within the last few months that boosted my confidence and I began seeing things for what they are and slowly things made sense, why I can't feel or think how other people do and why no one understands me and I always feel like an outsider and imposter. I have quirky likes and dislikes (cause orange cheese just doesn't make any sense), I dress weird ("No! For the 12,000 time I was NOT sexually abused! I like wearing guys' clothes. Leave me alone!! !") I've been told I'm stuck as a kid in some ways, I can't understand relationships (I suppose I can love. I love my cats. There are people who's presence I enjoy more than others. But I can't feel the feelings other people feel), I pretend I know so much I don't about humanity to the extent I brainwash myself and believe my own lies and can't really cope. I brainwashed myself to fit into molds that were given to me, but none of them fit other than the one that wasn't given to me.

Now I know the truth but I feel like there's no one to listen. My mom listens and cares but she tries to get too involved and manage my life and I just want to yell that that's not what I need but my words and thoughts never match cause the part of me that thinks/(Feels?) can't speak. Maybe? I don't know if that's what it is.

No doctor will take me seriously, I cannot get diagnosed cause I just can't go through all the questioning and having to defend myself over and over and over. I don't qualify for disability, so my current job, night clerk at a gas station, is pretty much my last chance cause to some extent my boss gets it, sees I'm good just different and don't understand people well. I like working, and I really don't understand why most of the world doesn't. Usually at 5:12 AM I'm mopping the back office. Nights off confuse me!

People don't understand why I'm always angry and confused. They think and always have thought that I'm stupid, making things up, making a big deal out of nothing.

I'm angry and alone. Anything anyone can offer to help? I joined this site hoping to belong, to find hope, to feel less lost. Reading about people so much like me is just making me sadder that no one IRL gets me, not even friends.

And then there's H, the new friend who probably thinks I'm too weird and is avoiding me and I just can't take any more rejection!! !