My anxiety has hit the roof

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But don't you have to have some sort of account to buy things online? I don't really like paying for things online because I worry about hackers. I'm not very knowledgeable with all this security stuff, and I have a Windows 7 laptop so the security protection might not be as reliable for that sort of thing.

And don't you have to change your password every day to stop hackers? I hate creating new passwords, I have trouble remembering them and I get stressed with having big lists written down of passwords. Like I said, you've still probably got to register to some sort of account in order to buy anything online. Surely it's not as simple as choosing your items, tapping in your card number and boom, task done. Nothing's that simple on the internet, which is why I only use the internet for research and social media.

If I do create an online account (maybe for Tesco?), could I delete it after this nightmare has blown over?
And I don't understand why I haven't heard anything on the news telling people to do their grocery shopping online to avoid having to go out to overcrowded supermarkets. So I hope that the online shopping option hasn't been made undoable by all this.

If I could order some groceries online that may be one less thing for me to stress about, and my boyfriend will be safe.

Also, if my boyfriend self-isolates, can he still drive his car? He's the only person who can take me to and from work or to the shops. He doesn't need to get out of the car.

And I know my boyfriend...if he self-isolates I can imagine him panicking if he runs out of cigarettes, and creeping out to the shop to buy some more while I'm asleep or at work. I can't watch him every minute, but I wasn't born yesterday. And no, he won't buy or use e-cigs, no matter how many times I tell him. He seems to be more addicted to the tobacco than to the nicotine, so it seems.
Really, I think cigarettes should be banned during this pandemic. We're stopping living our lives to save other people's lives, but selling cigarettes to desperate weak-willed smokers is actually defeating the purpose. And millions of desperate weak-willed smokers aren't all going to quit, especially when their excuse is always "I need a smoke because I'm stressed".

I'm sorry if I've offended any smokers here but it makes me so angry and smoking during a time where we need our lungs to survive a virus that is killing people, is just plain dumb, sorry to say.

Last edited by Joe90 on 21 Mar 2020, 7:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Doesn't your boyfriend order his coins online?

Set up a PayPal account if you are concerned. It takes seconds. I would connect it to your credit card rather than your bank card. Even when shopping in person, use a credit card rather than your bank card -- just pay your credit card off when you get home from the shops to avoid interest. I say this because credit card fraud is rare but if it happens, they're technically stealing Visa's money and not yours from your bank account. Credit card purchases are insured against theft, fraud, or any unauthorised use. I have never had a problem reporting any problems on a credit card and having the charge reversed.

Your computer should save your passwords for you. I don't know any of my passwords offhand. If you use Chrome, you can go to the "Check passwords" option and they are all saved there for you to review. No you don't need to change them daily or anything like that. Sometimes I'm prompted about once a year, but you could choose more often if you felt it was necessary.

If you choose not to do shopping online, can your boyfriend shop in person for you at 5 a.m. ? It seems you are carrying a heavy load working and also trying to do the finances.



This is a screenshot of how I find my passwords. I click on the little picture of me when using Chrome (top right avatar).

Then it gives options for your computer to save passwords for you, and there will be a list of them for you to view as needed (using your computer login for authorisation).

Last edited by IsabellaLinton on 21 Mar 2020, 7:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

He orders coins over the phone, so has no online accounts. I'm not sure you can order by phone at Tesco.

5am is the worst time to go to the supermarket because everyone else has the same idea and there's literally aggressive stampeding. If my boyfriend is vulnerable with COPD then he shouldn't be going into a crowded supermarket at all. But I can't either, with my mental health state. I will speak to my family tomorrow about this online shopping. I'll rather not do any shopping online but I suppose it's the only other option to avoid supermarkets. Maybe my brother can help me set up an account.

Oh I'm sorry. I thought that 5 a.m. was when you wanted to go. I wonder if he can go during the "quiet hours" if they have those where you shop. I do encourage you to try online banking / shopping. I can't imagine life without it. There are certainly delays for dispatch right now but at least you won't have to deal with hoards of people or lug groceries about. Good luck and let me know if you have any questions. It's honestly quite safe if you link a credit card. Visa doesn't want to lose money so they will go after any fraudulent charges and everything is insured.

Isabella has already answered all of the above in pretty much the manner I would have done. All I’d add is I use my building society debit card, and have never had a problem: I have a PayPal, but got fed up with the shifting of money back and forth it involves.

Yes, you can delete any online account you have, except for government ones. It can be a long-winded process though.



No, they’re focusing on the drama. Meanwhile, recruitment of new delivery drivers and warehouse staff is increasing.



I suppose if you wiped your hands with a baby wipe, and had an “in the car coat” to put on that would be the best that could be done...



Could you at least get him to smoke roll-ups?
(2/3 the price ish)
They’re cheaper than fags, and the packet lasts longer.
(Bit less than twice as long)

It’s stronger than fag tobacco so you don’t need them to be as big or to have as many to satisfy the craving.

No offence taken btw

This is just not going to work. First day of my boyfriend's self-isolation and already he's not coping. We've had a row over the smoking when I'm just trying to offer him helpful tips. He's been unemployed from work since Christmas and is now getting even more frustrated because he wants to go out to work and doesn't want to be a prisoner in his own home for the next 3 months. He hates being at home day in and day out. And he's taking it out on me, which isn't like him.
He says he's going to apply to be a delivery driver, to which I firmly told him NOT to do, because he's got to self-isolate. He's at very high risk of dying from this coronavirus, but it doesn't seem to bother him. And I can see him going mad with withdrawal if he can't get his cigarettes, which will result in him creeping out when my back is turned to buy some.

So he's going to get the coronavirus and is going to be severely ill and could even die. Then what am I supposed to do?

We only live in a small flat and I have to lock myself in our bedroom to avoid his mood. I keep breaking down in tears. I might as well be dead. Maybe I should commit suicide. I just cannot face 12 weeks of no freedom. And I have a feeling that if people keep dying from this coronavirus the way they are in the UK, that they're going to stop everybody going out for a walk. So we have April, May and June (my favourite months of the year) of being prisoners in our homes, without any sunshine or fresh air, and it isn't going to do anyone's health any good. Come winter time the majority of people are going to be coming down with flu, which will kill lots of vulnerable people anyway.

I am so f*****g depressed that I have to keep forcing myself not to jump in front of the train. I only live round the corner from a train station.

(((( JOE ))))

For your own mental health, can you move back to your parents temporarily?

I know that sounds awful and rash, but you aren't any happier being at home with your BF in this situation. You wouldn't have to worry about the fighting and you would be with your mum again. Maybe it would be a wake-up call for your boyfriend to grow up. He isn't treating your feelings with respect. I so wish you could be away from the smoke and the stress of that environment. I know you love him and you worry about him but at some point, he needs to worry about you too. Relationships need to be reciprocal.

I'm so worried about you. Please don't hurt yourself. None of this is worth it.

It's horrible though. I hate autumn and winter, and each autumn and winter I count down the days to spring. But now that spring's finally here, it doesn't feel like spring because of all the doom and isolation and fear. And to think this is going to go on well into the summer is just horrific. And by the time this is finally over, it will be autumn again, and I know how the long, cold, dark nights of October, November, December and January just drag on forever. I so badly want to be free in the spring and summer. I feel so disappointed, to the point where life is not worth living. I don't think I can wait until next March to be happy again.

I'm sorry but I can't move back in with my mum because of my job. I am needed at work and because I am not classed as vulnerable I do not want to ask for 12 weeks off work. A man has done that (pretending to have coronavirus or ill health just so he can be paid for not having to go to work), and he is being shamed by the media. I don't want to be one of those people.

This is why all this "people with Asperger's are heartless and useless at relationships" BS that spreads around the internet always offends me, because my boyfriend is NT and I'm Aspie, yet he's the one not making things easy for both of us, while all I'm doing is caring for both of us.

I can relate. I'm the opposite because I hate spring and sunshine. I love the dark months. If someone was going to take my dark months away from me somehow I would freak out too. I'm so sorry this is all happening at the worst time for you.

How far are your parents from your work?

Could you use their car to commute to work?

I just wish there was something we could think of to help you. Your boyfriend may need to go stay with his children if he isn't respecting your feelings. Smoking would be absolutely forbidden in my home, especially if the person was at risk and not bringing in income to afford their dirty habit. It seems you are doing all the work and bringing in almost all the money, and you have all the responsibilities too. It really bothers me that he's a grown man acting this way.

Sorry for speaking my mind, but that's my style.

I worry about you a lot and wish I could help.

I’m here and I care what’s happening to you

I don’t think I should post properly just now: I’m currently feeling a pitiless lack of any sympathy whatsoever for your boyfriend.

My gut instinct is if that’s how things are now, he’s shown he’s not capable of treating you right in adversity.

I’ve probably said more than is my place already.

Thank you for supporting at this difficult time. I can see lots of couples and families having these sorts of problems during this isolation period. If all this happened during the autumn and winter months I might be less disappointed, as I don't go out much then anyway. But come spring and summer I am always out and about, and I've been getting prepared for the summer this year by losing weight and buying new summer clothes to go out shopping and visiting friends and relatives.

I live almost 30 miles from my mum and I don't drive. My dad needs the car to get to work, and I work late so public transport might be an issue too, as they have reduced a lot of services.
Also there will be nobody to look after my boyfriend, although he doesn't deserve it at the moment but I can't just leave him to be on his own, it's just not me. His ex-wife wouldn't let him live with her again, plus there's no room and this is his home where we live. And he is no good on the computer so he will have problems ordering shopping online. If I weren't there he won't have internet anyway, as I pay the bill and he doesn't have a mobile phone with internet access.

I'll just have to bring everything I love the most (even my pet rats) into the bedroom each day to keep me company and entertained (oh, and sane). I just feel very downhearted. I'm hoping we will all get used to being isolated, but I think a lot of people are going to go crazy, lots of elderly people are going to die of loneliness, and lots of people with other ill health problems (physical or mental) are going to get pushed to the side.

How about he takes everything he loves most into the _________ (other room) each day to keep him company, and you use the rest of your home? Why are you the one sacrificing and not him? I really encourage you to use this time to set some boundaries about his behaviour. It's your space as much as his (if not more so, since you are working and paying). It's your air as much as his. He's had the air smoky for years, now it's time to have the air clean. Ying - Yang. 50-50. I don't understand why his needs always seem to matter more to you (AND HIM) than your needs.

Is he talking to total strangers saying "I'm worried about Joe. She is under a lot of stress. I'm going to do whatever I can to help her because I love her" ? You are saying these comments all the time about him but it doesn't seem reciprocal. I understand your logic about staying home because of your work and your commitment to the relationship, but please appreciate the fact it seems extremely one-sided.

How do your parents feel about this?

I don't mean to be stressing you more by making these posts. I just want what's best for you, which doesn't involve hiding in your bedroom and paying all the bills while he smokes his lungs away.

The TV aerial is hooked up in the living-room and he likes to watch TV. I don't care for TV, we've just got a small TV in the bedroom to watch DVDs on (no aerial or channels), so it will work better for me to go into the bedroom if we want time apart.
We've both got over our moods now, but that's only until I next mention smoking. He comes up with excuse after excuse when it comes to smoking, like "I'm stressed", "why do people tell me what to do?", "I like to smoke while I'm thinking", "I will give up when I'm ready", "I won't give up if you keep on bringing it up", and so on.

I think that during this terrible time where everything has halted in order to save many lives, and being so this virus attacks the lungs, cigarettes should not be sold in any stores until this has blown over. I think selling cigarettes is really offensive in regards to all this we're doing.

My response:

"I'm stressed. Why do you tell me what to breathe? I like to breathe fresh air whilst I'm thinking. I will walk out on you when I'm ready. I won't give up talking about it until you show me equal respect".

The disrespect would be a dealbreaker for me, not to mention his arrogance, and the harm to my health.

I hope you realise he is gaslighting you.

No he isn't gaslighting. The nicotine affects him the same way alcohol affects an alcoholic; he can't live without it and gets bad-tempered if he can't have it, and will go through hell and high waters to get his fix. It's that bad. He has no will power at all.

Now I have other worries. One worry turns into another, and now my new worry is this:-
I keep hearing stories of healthy, young people in intensive care with coronavirus. I'm so scared it's going to happen to me. I've still got to go out and do essential errands and go to work, and even if I wash my hands and don't get too near other people I still might somehow catch it.
I can't wear gloves or a mask because there aren't any in the stores or pharmacies at the moment and the only time when there might be some is when thousands of other people are stampeding into the stores early in the morning to empty the shelves, and I cannot cope with that. So many people are catching it each day and it is making me feel so anxious. I don't want to go out. I don't want to do shopping online but it looks like I have no choice. What if there are so many other people panic-buying online that I won't get a slot? I know they're hiring loads of extra delivery drivers but I don't think there will ever be enough delivery drivers to get round, as everywhere in Essex is overpopulated.

I have a doctor's appointment (over the phone ) tomorrow, will it be a waste of time if I told them how I'm feeling? My mental health has absolutely gone to pot. I keep forgetting things, I keep breaking down, and I keep getting symptoms of coronavirus but they are NOT symptoms really, because they come and go and are caused by anxiety and paranoia. I get things like headaches and difficulties breathing. But it's due to panic and stress. I am so stressed I feel like I'm going to have a breakdown. But I can't help feeling this way. Sometimes I think I'll be OK, then other times it's hard to even get out of bed in the morning.
When I wake up, the morning sunshine that shines through the window makes me smile....until I realise how bad life is right now and then I'm like "oh why did I wake up?" and fall back into depression.

It's awful.

I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way.

My heart goes out to you.

I wish it wasn’t this way for you.

Perhaps your fiancé can get one of those delivery person jobs?