Social Phobia

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I've had paralyzing social phobia for as long as I can remember, back to when I was a toddler. I fear people and have very little, if anything, in common with them. Due to the insights of a friend, it has become apparent that the dislike I harbor for people in general, comes across clearly through non-verbal communication, like body language and tone of voice. I disvalue NTs and what they talk about, which becomes obvious as it is nearly impossible for me to feign interest, in a credible way. Also I become over-animated when a genuinely intelligent topic comes up in conversation. I over-participate, speak too loudly, and go on about my special interests and unpopular perspectives. This is a very severe problem for me.

My current tactics involve minimizing interaction with others, as well as projecting clear boundaries, and refusing to engage in discussions of anything important. I try to stay pleasant, cheerful and brief....which seems to make NTs happier with me. Presumably avoiding anything important - takes care of the voice modulation problem. Since employing these strategies, I've had fewer people find me offensive, and my social engagements have become less strife ridden.

Nevertheless, I feel more alienated than ever, because this is all a role I'm playing - to keep peace with people whom I have little to nothing in common with. I don't dare reveal my true self (except to close friends), because it is so abhorrent and offensive to people. This is still a transition for me. I'm trying to view my enhanced social persona as a good thing. But it often seems like I'm betraying myself and selling my soul for a tad bit of social acceptance. As I near the end of my life (6th decade around the sun), it becomes ever more obvious that the price paid to fit in at the margins of society is, for me, so high as to be almost not worth the effort.....almost being the operative word..

I wanna blue,
I was looking for the thread about your dinner at the neighbours to see how it all turned out but I couldnt find the thread, I thought it was in the Haven. But I found this one so I thought I can reply here instead then. How did it go?


Alba,
You managed to get something that I wonder how many with Social phobia can get: CLOSE FRIENDS, you are Lucky, how did you do that?

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt110227.html

Thank you for showing concern xalepax. Guess what? I'm supposed to go again tonight (different people though), and I would rather not. Maybe I should learn from previous occasions that it isn't so bad, but my trigger reaction to hearing about having to go, is always wanting to avoid it.

oh wow what a progress you are doing in socialisation! And I who have enjoyed one and a half week alone without my husband....

I will soon start the therapy progress for my Social phobia. So far it feels good as I got a good person who is going to help me with it. She shows me great RESPECT which is very essential for me. I have met other psychiatrists and similuar who got a "pity you" expression in the face or have laughed at things I have said... people like that just increase the social phobia in me

Thanks again for the concern xalepax. But I don't think I've improved socially. I'm still very quiet and self conscious. The only difference is that my meds don't make me fall apart before, during and after the event. That's enough for me. Beggars can't be choosers, as they say.

Good luck with your therapy. I know how difficult it is to overcome this.

I've dropped out of college twice because of social anxiety. It's definitely started to get worse, and right now I don't even see the point in being rid of it. It's just strange that I would actually value this fear of people.

I don't know if that makes sense to the rest of you. *shrug*