How to traumatize an 18-year-old

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Why is your sister the expert on you? Seriously, does she live in your head? Does she have some deep insight into what makes you tick?

No. She's your sister. She loves you (probably) but that's all. You didn't come with a manual that only sisters can decode.

Her opinion is only that... an opinion. So my advice... don't worry about it so much. You'll grow as you grow, not into someone else's mould.

For the record, I'm thirtyeight. I barely socialise compared with most NT's. I never did toughen up.

I'm fine.

When I was your age I thought there was something wrong with me, because I wasn't more like other kids my age. I know now, from what I've heard, that everyone's as lonely as everyone else. Just, most folks drown it out, with noise, or alchohol, or sex, or whatever.

They're still lonely. They still don't know who they are.

Why emulate anyone else?

Based on your earlier post in this thread

I think you did toughen up more than you think. It's because you are willing to take a stand on something, instead of running away.

Because there are some things one might find appealing in other people and would then feel inclined to copy it. It saves a lot of time compared to re-inventing the wheel over and over. There are definitely drawbacks to having role models, but when you're young or starting from scratch, I think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

Yes, I see what you mean... we need "heros" to emulate. But I'm not sure that wanting to socialise and "get a [normal] life" is something to emulate.

But you have a point.

Did I toughen up? I don't know... it doesn't feel like it.

I agree, wanting to socialize and have a "normal" life isn't really something to emulate. If anything, I think socializing is better used as a tool for understanding life, but is not an end goal in itself. After all, I think there's a lot that can be learned from other people, even if it's "if I don't want to be like them, I should not do xyz". Having a social life allows you to experiment with what you've gathered from the role model, so that you can test and decide for yourself what's good and bad about what was learned from the role model. Along those lines, although I had role models in my life, in retrospect their being very social wasn't really anything I consciously thought worth emulating... their other traits (e.g. modesty, confidence and indomitable spirit despite being fallible) were what attracted me, and they simply created a framework which I could use to go out there in public and be a bit more sure of myself. It can be really tough for an Aspie to encounter a social situation and not know what to do. That's what so many countless threads on WP are about... it's hard to establish one's own social identity from a vacuum. Not impossible, but very very hard and time-intensive. When I was young, it was a lot easier to adopt some kind of framework and work from there. Sure, the framework could very well be wrought with problems (e.g. if I were to pick Kurt Cobain as a role model, no offense to MDD123 intended), but after time and experience and some education, I'd hopefully be able to analyze for myself what was strong and weak about the frameworks. Then perhaps after a long series of frameworks, I'd be able to add all the accumulated knowledge and experience and call it "real life"... at least that's what I do. I don't know any other way, but it seems that's what a lot of us do anyhow so it just kinda ends up that way, for better or worse.

why are you doing this again?
on these ENTIRE FORUMS ive only seen you post right here, in your own threads, about yourself.
thats what people mean by "grow up".

from me, you will only get harsher and harsher replies, cus i hate BS, even if it is subconcious or whatever, and this is getting more and more so:

you keep repeating: i need a social life to find myself.
people keep replying: no. you need to grow up.
you: but i need a social life to grow up.
people: no, you dont. you just need to accept who you are.
you: but i need sex, social lives, and intense trauma, to accept who i am.
people: no. you dont... you ONLY need to realize who you are.
you: but i need friends to do that.
people: no. you dont need anything.
you: but i need friends to not need anything.
people: wtf are you on about?
you: but i need a social life to be on about something

You are a Repeat-Track.

will you PLEASE actually TAKE IN the replies people give you, NOBODY BUT YOU have posten over FIFTEEN THREADS about the EXACT SAME issue, and CONSISTENTLY REFUSED to listen to ANYBODY.

i allready know your next reply!
i can READ THE FUTURE:

"But... i need a social life to listen to people!"
"But... i need friends to read my replies properly!"
and so on...
now...

Do you Know What you Want? "i want a social life" what IS... "a social life"?

You're hard on her, ZEGH8578.
... Maybe she's only testing your patience.
Her limits - to know how far she can go with other people, outside her family.
And when she'll get used to it, she'll go outside for real.

18 is not that old for everybody.

Ms. Pickle may indeed be trying to test everyone's patience, but if that's truly the case it's a very risky move.

She already feels alienated and hence feels a need for a social life.
Pushing her limits and pissing more people off risks further alienation. Then again, experiencing any sort of severe trauma (as she's been thinking that she needs) also risks causing a lot of harm.

...or...

she is not really feeling alienated, nor is she in any significant problem, and she needs to test her limits as a prelude to establishing adult independence. In which case, ZEGH8578 would actually be helping her out by being hard on her.

But it's hard to figure out which scenario is taking place here when we have only an Internet board to work with.

Maybe she's not 18.
... And is she really a girl?



Or maybe, she has watched a little too much of scary movies.
Or read books which were not meant to her age?

As you say, one can't tell.

I haven't been long here but I noticed too that Fickle_Pickle only speaks of the same things all over again and again.
Obsessivly.

Maybe she's already been through the traumas she's asking for?
How to know if she doesn't want to speak about it to anyone?

My sentiments exactly! That's why I suggested earlier that she not continually post here, and think a bit more about what's going on. It would also help her if she could get some help with a person face-to-face, as such person can be infinitely more helpful than people on the Internet who are physically thousands of miles away.

Or if she is just doing it for the "look at me!" attention-grabbing thing, then the more so that she shouldn't continually post here.

Or maybe she needs to hit a rock bottom before things start to improve, and WPers' continued failed attempts to help her out are preventing her from reaching that.

All directions seem to point towards her not posting in the Haven, for her own good.

That is EXACTLY what I want in my love partner, instead of these stupid "I care" pansy nice guys.


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Why don't I just give out my address, so the nearest person can find me and give me the beating I deserve. Or send me threatening letters.

Okay Now we know where we're up to with you. You're taking the piss.

I will now happily ignore you, and advise others to do the same. If I were admin here, I'd ban you, but it's not up to me.

I'm sure that you're on multiple forums posting this kind of nonsense, I don't see why we should have to play your "cute but psycho" games.

Good night.

Yeah, sorry to say but I have to agree with mgran.

If you come on an Internet forum with the expressed intent to rile people up and trying to get them to hate you on purpose, for your own enjoyment, then you are a troll.

I feel sorry for you, your issues are well beyond what can be handled here on WP.

Bye! I'm going to work on my thesis now.

You are 18 so I thought you were old enough....In Alberta, the legal drinking age IS 18

I think the issue here is she wants congruancy. The people around her are getting frustrated with her and unlike the people here, they don't have any intention of telling her WHY they don't like the behavior (who even has the time?). But I've noticed that ZEGH8578 will get assertive when people do this, Fickle Pickle doesn't take advice well, but she responds when people respond agressively towards her, she herself has a very non-aggressive persona.

I agree with everyone else on this forum when I say that she spends entirely too much time here though. It's kind of ironic that she gets the most responses. I think I'll respond to the random suicidal threads instead. Did you guys know that suicide is one of the leading causes of death in the 18-24 demographic?

If only people in real life outside my family told me this. <3

Oh, I see what you're doing now.

Man, I feel stupid. I'll leave you alone to post more of these.