I can't have my obsession anymore and don't know what to do.

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I was so sad when Pinwheel disapeerd from
Nickelodeon back in the late 1980s but I
have recovered a few episodes from ebay
and when Rugrats was on its way out I recorded
as much of them as I could, to save Rugrats
forever.

I know that feeling.

And just realised that that was some profoundly patriarchal style thinking there, the belief that thoughts are any more under my control than concrete/material things, and that therefore a passionate interest in ideas etc is superior to, because more "independent" than, a special interest in concrete/material things.

I am suddenly thinking that it was actually that discovery, rather than the intensity of the mental activity, which shocked me so much that I thought I was going mad, ( and made me think I'd better "stop thinking" ), the half-formed realisation that thoughts had a life of their own, independent of my "I", out of "my" control ( determined by the food I ate, for instance, by the universe ).

There is nothing "superior" about a passionate special interest in abstract ideas/thoughts compared to a special interest in concrete things like people, animals, or objects. It is just society which suggests that there is, because so much of it ( political etc structures ) is based on believing that "we" are in control over our thoughts, ( rather than observers ). You can get as attached to and be as dependent on thoughts/ideas, as on concrete things, and you have no more control over one than the other.

Being passionately interested in a character in a TV show is no more ridiculous than being passionately interested in an idea, and the loss of it could well be as shattering, as painful, and difficult, as the loss of a scientific, political or religious belief, ( or person ).

PS. I think I have been conducting a dialogue with your psychiatrist!

.

Back in the early 90s, the show thirtysomething was popular. We watched it every week. One week they suddenly killed off a favorite main character unexpectedly, Gary. In a car wreck. Everybody was upset about it. People talked and talked and there was even an article in the newspaper about how people are grieving for him.

I love the tv show Highlander. Love it to the point of obsession myself. I was on several fanlists and such, and there was a group of people who were devoted to the character Richie, who was the main characters sidekick, but the main character unexpectedly killed him off. There are people who refuse to even watch those three episodes in that arc or admit that he is really dead. Really.

So trust me, your not alone.

PaganMom

I can totally relate being upset over a television series, and when a charrie dies that is your favorite.

I was, and still am obsessed with Xena Warrior Princess even though it ended when I was in sixth grade and it came out in 1995 (I didn't start watching it until I was in 2nd grade, so it was out for two years but man I got obsessed quite quickly), I remember when I heard the show was going to end I cried for days, and when Xena died I was hysterical. (I was like... 12 years old,and my Mom told me she never saw me as upset, but it didn't help that I was also obsessed with Charmed (mainly Prue Halliwell) who was killed off a week after Xena ended.

I have a history of obsessing over television shows, I still am obsessed with Charmed (seasons 1-3 only, Paige is a piece of crap), Buffy the Vampire Slayer (cried when it ended, I have all the seasons on DVD now, but still miss having new episodes), and Sailor moon (Which stopped airing after Sailor Moon S, cause they couldn't edit it to be appropriate for Super S.)

Now I'm obsessed with House and Spongebob as well...

but i can relate! I cry over characters instead of actual real people..:/

I remember crying when we didn't get PBS Kids anymore because I couldn't watch Teletubbies.

This might seem like a stupid idea, and if it is, I apologize. Could you write AU fanfiction which involves a different outcome for this character, or even just an outline for a story involving a different outcome for this character? You wouldn't have to share it with anyone, you could just keep it for yourself, for your own personal comfort. If you can accept the idea of a multiverse, you can imagine some alternate universe in which your character survives, and thrives.
This may or may not work for you. That's just what I would do, so I thought I'd share.

If it feels like you are actually losing a person you love, why not treat it that way? It seems to me you are stuck in some sort of never-ending I'm sad->This is ridiculous->But I'm sad->But this is ridiculous cycle. If you can't get rid of the "I'm sad" part, maybe you could try getting rid of the "But this is ridiculous" part and actually mourn over it like you would do when someone you love dies, and try to process it that way.

<edit> Sorry, I only just read others had said the same already...

I had a similar loss when the video capacitors on my first Sega Game Gear packed up (this was about seven and a half years ago). I coped with it by watching Ghost and buying a GameBoy Advance the very next day. At the time, I was only a few months away from starting university so I had other things going on.

I have various special interests that I focus on at different periods in my life. If I am unable to do one, I can usually find another to latch onto.

I'm with those in favor of accepting that you are experiencing real grief and loss and allowing yourself to mourn accordingly. The grief and loss are real, even if the source is unconventional.

Forming attachments to things with naturally short lifespans is going to continue to lead to grief and loss on occasion -- it's just part of the whole package. For example, if you kept dogs or cats or horses or rabbits or whathaveyou, their shorter lifespan would lead to you facing grief and loss more than once as a result of loving them. Learning to allow time and energy for mourning, then moving on and loving again is probably something you just have to do.

If obsessions are part of how you function, I say run with it for all it's worth by picking obsessions that improve your life in some way without causing harm. The suggestion for writing fanfic is a possible step towards that -- it's active and creative instead of passive, and gives you a community to interact with. It'll take time, but if you keep the idea of picking your obsessions to take you somewhere you want to go simmering in the back of your mind, you'll find ideas on how to do that eventually coming up.

I really, really appreciate all the support you guys have given me. The philosophical discussions have also been fascinating There have been some really helpful ideas here and just hearing that it was all right to feel this way in itself was a huge relief.

For the season premiere when they're replacing the character/killing him off, my mom is going to watch first in case it's too traumatic for me and she doesn't think I should see it.

I'm thinking about maybe doing some AU fanfiction. Giving him at least a happy ending.

I might even, if I start feeling better, be able to watch the show's new episodes, even though at the moment I am incredibly angry at the new character. He seems to me sort of like a hip, fit version of the one I love, but maybe I just got a poor first impression of him. I'll give it a chance.

In any case, thank you all

Writing him a happy ending and sharing that with a fanfic community who likes the same character sounds like a very positive way to deal with the loss you are feeling.

Hang in there.

You are not hurting anyone Aurore and if your feelings are real to you, then they are as real as any feelings. Your psychiatrist was wrong to make you feel belittled or as though your feelings are unjustified or less real than anyone elses feelings. People form very real attachments to all kinds of things so there is no reason to feel embarrassed or unjustified either for your interest in this tv show or for your feelings over this character and their leaving.

Me too.

Aurore, plenty of people might feel derision toward my interest in this series in the first place, or if not that, then my depth of feeling, but bully for them. I am not hurting anyone, and I feel how I feel.

I am sure there are people who have lost and deeply mourned a prized possession they have owned for half their life and I doubt a psychiatrist would indicate or suggest their feelings of loss and distress were entirely misplaced, but rather would find this quite natural, whether the item was materially valuable or merely sentimental, and even if it were something seemingly silly outside the context of the individual’s sentiment. This tv show character is no different at an emotional level, merely less tangible materially.

I hope you do not feel too badly over how your psychiatrist responded.

The fanfic idea is good, and writing it yourself can be helpful but it takes out any suspense. Maybe if you got someone else to write it for you. Write the episode with a different ending. I know the Clan Denial people from the HL fandom have a lot of AAA arc fanfic where Richie doesn't get killed. They have sites devoted to it.

Are there any fanfic sites out there for your particular fandom? If not, why not look around for other fans and see if they would be interested in starting one, and maybe some fanfic.

PaganMom

Who really didn't like Richie and is glad the AAA arc happened

This sounds silly, but when I was a year old I became obsessed with the Osmond singing family. Donny and Marie had a variety show together around 1975, and my mom says I would stop whatever I was doing and watch the show silently, impressive for a toddler. When the last rerun aired in August 1976, and I realized that my show was gone, I cried for DAYS! I was just two! This was in the days before VCRs, so my mom couldn't pop a tape of the show in the TV and keep me occupied, it was GONE! I grieved and got over it. I don't remember really getting into a TV show as an older kid, and as an adult I rarely watched TV unless I was watching news (I currently don't even own a TV), so the cancellation of that show must have stayed with me. The Tube had betrayed me, and I NEVER trusted it ever again. Don't be surprised to feel the same way.

The Routemaster lives! Seriously, I saw one the other day when I was in London, near the Royal Albert Hall. There was only one but it was definitely functional.

I'm with Willard on Lost. I mean the last Harry Potter book came out literally on the same day I graduated from college and that really felt like a chapter in my life was over that I will never get back. It wasnt easy to get over that last day (which I spent mostly fighting with my sister).

I really want to go down to Austin and visit my friends and watch the final episode of Lost with them to make it a very grand closing experience. Unfortunatly, I think school's gonna get in the way.

And while I do have a new show to obsessed over, Lost has meant a great deal to me because it inspired me to really get into storytelling and has inspired me to one day try to become a television writer.

If you know that you're obsession is about to end...I hope that it ends on a good note. Make the night the episode ends into a grand experience and maybe you'll feel less like crap afterwards.