Have you ever "imagagined" Suicide?

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It's odd. I never felt wanted or loved growing up, but I know that I was. It was more a matter of my inability to see it. My parents made mistakes but I think they did the best they knew how. I still carry some of that with me but I look at it rationally instead of emotionally. I couldn't believe they thought I was lovable because I didn't believe that. I don't know why that started. Maybe because, for whatever reason, I recognized that human behavior was somewhat alien to me and that I was different.

Being autistic definitely wears down our self esteem and sense of worth and value in the world with all the negative messages we get from so many places. It isn't any wonder how we suffer that way.

Not too long ago my son broke down and sobbed on my shoulder. He doesn't understand why kids at school are so hostile to him and make fun of him. He's quiet and keeps to himself and still he gets punished for being himself.

I know...and that must be so hard to watch your son suffer like that too. It is so cruel. I'm glad he has you and maybe you can comfort and be there for each other as he grows older. It's really unfair all the way around.

I had to work at not crying with him. I was lucky, I was just ignored.

I can imagine it is very hard, many times. You're doing good for your son and it's the most important job in the world, IMO.

Same here. But then, I started to wonder why I was so sure that death would be sweet oblivion. Can you imagine if it isn't? The fact is that one day I will die, and when I die, I will be dead forever. I don't want to go rushing into that in a fit of despair that might then last eternity.

That's a big reason why I stopped trying.

And Aimless, I really sympathise. My son is thirteen, and I'm in a similar position with him. The main thing we can instill in our kids is that their worth isn't dependent on the opinion of fools. Who would want to be valued by a buffoon anyway? I know it doesn't help... my Mum said this kind of thing to me when I was a kid, and I didn't believe her. I really didn't believe her after she killed herself.

But as time has gone on I've come to realise that she was right, even though she forgot it. Death isn't an answer, or an escape. We don't know what's through that door. But we do know that if we carry on living we are subject to change. And things can change for the better.