i've just been told my father died.

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Well, they already had his funeral.
It'll be like he never existed.
Good riddance.

You made it, you survived, be proud of that. You didn't need him, you always knew you didn't want to be like him.

If you had called him, then you had some kind of relationship and I am stunned that no one contacted you when he died. Surely the woman who answered knew he had a child.

Your confusion may be between the death of the father and the death of the father fantasy.
I am pretty sure your inner child dreamed of what it would be like to have had a father and eventually that has to be let go of.

Alanon may help you resolve his drinking and abandonment issues, even if it is just to talk to someone about your feelings.
They say sometimes a persons bottom is death.

I'm sorry about the death of your father.

pretty interesting post actually.

yeah my relationship with my dad has been non existent. to put things in a nut shell, its not been a good relationship. he has hated my mother bitterly for their break up (happened when i was 8 / 9ish).

as far as i'm concerned, the relationship between me and him (this applies to my sister as well) is unsalvagable. despite me giving him the benefit of the doubt, he has decided to still be bitter about the break up.

despite what i tell close friends about this strained relation , they still advise me to make the peace "as he won't be around for ever". the factis: i will be sad the day he goes, but i will still not be able to forgive him for things he has put us through.

so yeah... these situations are confusing. its a real moral dilemma one could say.

its not surprising if there was no contact between you and him, i don't blame you! sadness is the emotion felt when something has been lost, so if that something was hardly there in the first place, that explains why the sentimant was so neutral.

yeah my dad drinks heavily as well. he contracted liver cancer a few years ago (probably a direct consequence of booze, on top of the fact he had Hep C before). things are fine as far as i know now. i do feel guilty for not keeping up more about his health, but how can i really be sympathetic when its was self inflicted?

Dad is only a label. It seems he was no Dad to you, so it's normal not to care.
If someone who treated me badly died, I would not care.

Now that he is dead he will be re-living the hell he's put people through. Thats what I think happens at the end of each life.

I hope people are given the chance to live in penance in the afterlife, attempting self-sacrificing acts to improve the lives of others. Even if it's just intercessory prayer. To earn themselves some repentance so that they can be redeemed and exist in Heaven. I hope that there's always that one last chance to make things right... even if that person can't directly fix the people that they wronged, maybe they can do good things elsewhere. I don't know. I have no theological backing for any of this, mind you. It's a fantasy since even those who believe in an afterlife don't really have a specific set of details on how it works. But that's what I like to imagine. I hope I get to Heaven and my mom's not crazy and everything bad that happened no longer matters. It would be nice to see my ex-husband there as a decent person, too. I always want things to be fixed and better... more than I want people to pay and suffer for the wrong that they did... so that's my Heaven: all the messed up people no longer messed up.

As a Christian I do believe in a Hell, but I like to think that it's got mainly nazis and KKK people in it. People who willfully used God's word to do evil. Like Westboro Baptist Church people, too. But, like I said, who knows.

I don't believe in heaven or hell /shrug.

But I do believe in the soul gaining wisdom and feeling pain it has caused so It can learn in the next life.

Here's a token for one free hug, emlion, and it never expires.

I wouldn't force yourself to feel grief if you actually don't, but don't hold it in if you actually do. I'd take some time for personal reflection and ask yourself what you really feel about your father.

I did feel sad and had a cry.
But I don't anymore, just sad I never really told him how I felt about anything he did to me.

I'll just add it to the list of people gone from my life and move on.

I'm sorry for your loss, but it sounds more like it wasn't really a loss but more of a something you never had but should have had. Maybe you need to grieve something. Maybe not the death itself, but maybe the loss of what could have been.

. . . and then have a another piece of cake.

i'm on a diet! no cakes! boo!

You're a winner in life and a survivor!

Why are you on a diet? You're skinny!

not as skinny as i'd like.
7lbs to go. ^.^