Page 3 of 3 [ 45 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3

starryeyedvoyager
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Apr 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 942
Location: Berlin, Germany

28 Apr 2011, 1:55 am

Ok, I begin to understand where you are coming from when you say you need to compensate your AS. It is a pressure I used to feel after I got diagnosed. It is not as serious today, but I still feel I need to have something else to offer. After I got diagnosed, my grades at college got better, for one because that diagnosis lifted some weight of my shoulders, and because I feeled that if there is a reason for me being socially inept, I might as well focus on other things. My grades improved dramatically, and I picked up sports again. For me, changing my appearance or becoming more successful academically didn't change anything when it comes to being left out.



Alycat
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Oct 2007
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,690
Location: Birmingham, UK

28 Apr 2011, 2:41 am

Erisad wrote:
I just feel that my AS already puts me at a disadvantage so I have to compensate for it by being pretty. "She's a social ret*d but at least she's pretty." It works for a lot of people who are lacking in personality. I know that lots of people like me...only as a friend though. If I had a smaller waist like my friends, I wouldn't have a problem at all. It annoys me when a b***h is manipulating her bf who treats her well and she can get away with it only because she's pretty. Same for the b*****s who get out of parking tickets by flirting with the cop. Not fair. >.<

Okay, I get the whole 'I need to compensate for my AS by being better at everything else'. I got that before I was diagnosed. Part of what landed me in treatment for anorexia aged fifteen. I had the same 'if I'm skinny everything will be okay' attitude, but it's a really faulty one. Changing your weight only changes your weight, it doesn't magically change everything else.
A few perceptions I wanted to challenge you on:
a) You don't know that people only like you as a friend. There might be some guy out there who really likes you, but because of shyness or some other reason hasn't made it known. Or people might have tried to flirt with you but your AS meant you missed the clues, so they didn't pursue it further. It's also silly to believe that just being thinner will make loads of guys like you. Most men aren't THAT shallow, and the few that are aren't worth it.
b) You seem to think that your friends don't have problems, and that because they are skinny everything is great in their life. That's definately not going to be the case. They will all have their problems. When I had my ED I'd have people coming up telling me they were jealous of me because I was thin, and my life must be perfect, and how could they lose weight so their lives could be perfect too. At the time my whole life was falling apart, and I really hated it.


_________________
If you don't believe in dragons it is curiously true, that the dragons you disparage choose to not believe in you.


Erisad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jul 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,058
Location: United States

28 Apr 2011, 8:27 am

I know their lives aren't perfect but they're still at a greater advantage than I am. I'm just glad that they always refuse when a guy offers to do their homework for them if they would go out/have sex/make out with him. They're like, "f**k no. I don't want to fail the class so I'll do it myself. Bee-yotch." Okay, that was a direct impersonation of one of my closest friends. She's tiny in both ways, really short and tiny waist but biig ghetto booty. She says that most guys don't approach her because she's "intimidating" even though she's super attractive. She gets all scary with ignorant people and I love her for it.

What I'm wondering is, am I putting on an intimidating aura without being aware of it? Or some other off-putting aura? Apart from the self confidence thing because that's not something I can fix for a long time. I know in high school, I was very similar to my friend. I would, figuratively, bite the heads off of anyone that was ignorant or rude. Apparently, asking me out and surviving the emasculation I would put them through was a part of initiation to sit at the "popular" table at lunch. I would notice this as the a**hole I just chewed out or beat up is now sitting at the popular table when they were sitting at the nerd/outcast/punk table the day before. Huh.

I dunno where I was going with this. So I'm gonna post it anyway. >.<



sunshower
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Aug 2006
Age: 126
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,985

28 Apr 2011, 8:36 am

Hmm it's possible. I know that in high school in year 11 I thought I was completely invisible, only to have a friend tell me a year later that guys were into me but I'd just never noticed. I think it's very easy for us to either misread cues or miss them altogether, or send out the wrong cues.


_________________
Into the dark...


Erisad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jul 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,058
Location: United States

28 Apr 2011, 8:51 am

sunshower wrote:
Hmm it's possible. I know that in high school in year 11 I thought I was completely invisible, only to have a friend tell me a year later that guys were into me but I'd just never noticed. I think it's very easy for us to either misread cues or miss them altogether, or send out the wrong cues.


...Damn. I feel like I need to wear a button on all my shirts saying, "IF YOU'RE NOT OBVIOUS, I WON'T NOTICE." :lol:



sunshower
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Aug 2006
Age: 126
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,985

28 Apr 2011, 9:32 am

Erisad wrote:
sunshower wrote:
Hmm it's possible. I know that in high school in year 11 I thought I was completely invisible, only to have a friend tell me a year later that guys were into me but I'd just never noticed. I think it's very easy for us to either misread cues or miss them altogether, or send out the wrong cues.


...Damn. I feel like I need to wear a button on all my shirts saying, "IF YOU'RE NOT OBVIOUS, I WON'T NOTICE." :lol:


Sounds like a plan. I am seriously considering this :lol:


_________________
Into the dark...


Erisad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jul 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,058
Location: United States

28 Apr 2011, 9:40 am

sunshower wrote:
Erisad wrote:
sunshower wrote:
Hmm it's possible. I know that in high school in year 11 I thought I was completely invisible, only to have a friend tell me a year later that guys were into me but I'd just never noticed. I think it's very easy for us to either misread cues or miss them altogether, or send out the wrong cues.


...Damn. I feel like I need to wear a button on all my shirts saying, "IF YOU'RE NOT OBVIOUS, I WON'T NOTICE." :lol:


Sounds like a plan. I am seriously considering this :lol:


...we have a button maker at my work. Hmmmm.... :chin:



Todesking
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2010
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,088
Location: Depew NY

28 Apr 2011, 9:44 am

I usually get light headed when I skip meals.


_________________
There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die -Hunter S. Thompson


Erisad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jul 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,058
Location: United States

28 Apr 2011, 9:48 am

Todesking wrote:
I usually get light headed when I skip meals.


I don't get lightheaded until I notice how long it's been since I ate last. I take iron pills every other day in the morning to counteract that a bit. ^.^



Alycat
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Oct 2007
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,690
Location: Birmingham, UK

28 Apr 2011, 4:39 pm

Erisad wrote:
What I'm wondering is, am I putting on an intimidating aura without being aware of it? Or some other off-putting aura?
I'm guessing that if you're walking round with your 'all men are jerks' vibe, they'll pick up on it.
On top of that, as Aspies we don't always pick up on other people flirting. If they flirt and we don't flirt back (because we've not noticed) they take that as a 'no thanks'.


_________________
If you don't believe in dragons it is curiously true, that the dragons you disparage choose to not believe in you.


Erisad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jul 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,058
Location: United States

29 Apr 2011, 6:38 am

Alycat wrote:
Erisad wrote:
What I'm wondering is, am I putting on an intimidating aura without being aware of it? Or some other off-putting aura?
I'm guessing that if you're walking round with your 'all men are jerks' vibe, they'll pick up on it.
On top of that, as Aspies we don't always pick up on other people flirting. If they flirt and we don't flirt back (because we've not noticed) they take that as a 'no thanks'.


I usually don't walk around like that though. When I'm in those moods, I tend to isolate myself until it leaves. >.<

Yeeeah. I need a sign or button requesting obviousness. XD



SyphonFilter
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Feb 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 2,161
Location: The intersection of Inkopolis’ Plaza & Square where the Turf Wars lie.

01 May 2011, 11:22 am

Erisad wrote:
dossa wrote:
Op... you remind me of my oldest daughter in this post. I am a notorious meal skipper (as is my mother), so my daughter in part comes by it naturally... but she will also say things about her weight and how it will not hurt her any if she does miss a meal. Both you and her worry me though as she has a busy lifestyle and you seem to as well with your school and internship and such. Lack of calories can really wear a person down both physically and mentally and it is so important to eat when you are young and active.

I will tell you what I told her... granola bars and trail mix are the bomb. They are relatively inexpensive if you get them from a grocery store and they are easy and portable. I think the local 'off brand' type store we have around here sells a box of them for two dollars or less. She has a cell phone and can program it to go off during times that do not conflict with her classes (in her case while she is going from class to class in high school or before her soccer practices) to remind her that it is time to shove a granola bar in her mouth. Perhaps you could try that? It is not a meal, but it is better than nothing... it helps keep energy up and and it is not all greasy and nasty.


But I still have to use my "meals" on campus by the end of the year or I'll lose that money. I don't want to lose money. Also, I rarely go to the grocery store as I have no car to get there. My roommate goes to the grocery store without me now, even though she used to take me. Now she'll go and bring back a crap ton of food and god forbid I look at any of it. I'm getting so sick of granola bars, oatmeal and the greasy food on campus. So I can't win since I can't cook my own food. >.<

Besides, I've eaten too much in the past so frankly, I deserve it. Why can't weight loss be simple as just eating less? I would starve myself for 2 months and then that would be the end of it. I would be beautiful and worthy of food again. :(

I wish I could donate all my "meals" to starving kids in other countries. They need food so much more than I do. Frankly, that's what our school should do with all the extra meals at the end of the year but instead they pocket it like the greedy bastards they are.


Pezar already said that you look hot.



Moog
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Feb 2010
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 17,671
Location: Untied Kingdom

01 May 2011, 11:25 am

Meow101 wrote:
CoalBogey wrote:
To lose weight you will need to keep your metabolism 'ticking over' which means eating regularly, ideally at the same time every day. For instance many people especially athletes eat 6 small meals a day in order to do this.

Skipping meals is counter productive, I'm no expert but I believe it will make your body store fat rather than burn it (something like that - do some research, I'd only confuse you with my ignorance of the subject :) ).

Quote:
And by that I mean I skip lunch almost every day when I'm at school.


Personally I'd feel incredibly hungry, you don't?


This is essentially correct. When the body is deprived of food it "thinks" it is starving and tends to conserve energy, that is, store it as fat rather than use it. It's the basic mechanism behind "yo yo" dieting...the minute you start eating normally again, the body which is used to subsisting on few calories sees what it detects as a "surplus" and begins to store it as fat. Exercise also tends to boost metabolic rate. Skipping meals is not a good way to lose weight, at least not long-term. Short term it may work through simple subtraction (energy in - energy out) but that assumes you'll never revert to a normal caloric intake.

OP, you don't "deserve" any such thing. You deserve to treat yourself well, with respect to food and other things. (man, do I feel like a hypocrite for typing that). That is a nice picture, BTW.

~Kate

~Kate


I wonder if there's any difference if you are deliberately depriving yourself of food, rather than simply neglecting to eat? I've done quite a lot of fasting in my time, and I didn't get fatter, quite the contrary.


_________________
Not currently a moderator