What to do when you know you're pretty much worthless.

Post Reply New Topic

Well that is the issue I cannot focus on something really small and nothing else.......I constantly have different things going through my mind so I always end up kind of getting anxious about things to come or I get caught up thinking about the past. So yeah tuning everything else is not my strong point at all...If I use cannabis when I do homework its easier to focus because it slows down all the thoughts running through my mind....but even that does not do much good when I look at the bigger picture and realise I really am pretty burnt out on even going to college....honestly its not worth the anxiety attacks I get on campus or all the stress but I have no idea what else to do with myself besides college which is not good considering there is a possibility I could fail this semester.

Uhh its hopeless I am so far behind with all my college stuff.........I have not even started a freaking 10 page paper due next month, nor have I done any other written assignments really. And every time I try to sit down and make myself concentrate I can't freaking do it......I just don't know what to do. I want to drop out because its overwhelming and I can't freaking take it anymore..but then around 4,000 dollars won't last very long and i have no other way I can think of that would provide income if I drop out.

I guess my only option is to talk to the disibility deparment again, but seriously I cannot continue attending college this way and I am quite sure committing to a job would be just as bad if not worse I just have so much in life I have to figure out....like what direction my current relationship might go in, getting diagnosed, attempting to go through that SSI ordeal again once I get a diagnoses if I get one I mean I can't just put all of that out of my mind and focus on college especially when I feel going to college is doing nothing for me at all at this point in time. Not to mention I don't even know how much longer I can stay at my moms house before she starts wanting me to help with rent or something else ridiculous that I can't afford.

I think you should apply again then. Our country is very f****d up to deny you. You obviously need therapy for your depression before you can move on with your life. It's even more important than getting SSI.

You should be able to go to some kind of emergency mental health clinic just for a consultation. They should have a way to get you a mental health diagnosis. It shouldn't be that expensive. Just pay out of pocket until you can get a proper diagnosis. Let the psychiatrist know that you need to apply for medicaid and/or SSI and they may be able to write a note that will determine your eligibility. You just need to state that you have long-term mental illness and that it's prevented you from working in the past and have a doctor back it up. Then you can apply for disability assistance again. Even if you get denied again at first, there are ways to appeal. You can look all of this up on the internet.

It gets better with time and practice before you know it. I used to be real easily overwhelmed and I did have a lot of trouble putting this into practice, but after a couple of months of going at it I have gotten much better at keeping things in bite sized chunks. This is all somewhere down the road though. For now I don't know what to suggest in the short term. I'm reading a book called "Change your brain, Change your life" and it is a really insightful self-help book since it deals with both typical mental issues and abnormal ones and has science backing it so it isn't just your run of the mill BS.

smoke and drink usually.

EVERYONE gets denied by SSI the first time, it's the system's crude way of trying to weed out some of the scammers. You've really got to go through this whole song and dance with them, take out any piercings, cover up tattoos, dress nicely, etc. Their default position is that you're trying to scam them out of their money, but once you do actually get approved they'll work with you to keep your benefits for as long as they can stretch it out. It's a whole interlocking system, you have to hit SSI, DVI, medicare, the food people etc in order to get them to accept that you REALLY need the assistance and that you're for real. I believe you're also still young enough to apply as an adult disabled child under your parent's SS, which might be the better option if you think you're going to need long term support. You're almost certainly going to need to get your parents fully behind you and backing you all the way through this, it's a long and frustrating process, but given the level of impairment you're describing you should eventually be accepted.

I already tried therapy.....that does not seem to do a lot. I mean I am not even going to sugar coat it I need some form of income depression and other mental issues I have are getting in the way of me acheiving that so I should have help with that in the form of SSI...I'm not really intrested in freaking therapy. I like how every therapists goal is to get you to were you where before the depression hit..........there is no before for me, I've always felt the way I feel.

Yeah I don't know maybe......I just don't see why I should bother anymore I guess.

So if I don't dress nicely like a person without mental issues might dress to go to some important meeting.....I am trying to scam them? I think its more convincing if I wear my usual attire that I'm a bit messed up in the head. But I like that they are automatically assuming that.....its cool I guess........and I don't want to apply under my parents anything I am a 22 year old adult not a disabled child that wishes to be a burden on her mom until death.

And my dad has nothing going for him and lives in a different state so no I need to figure something out that does not require me to depend on either of them for anything.

Easy, easy, I'm just telling you what I know about them, not trying to say they're right or anything. My local AS group has had quite a few people go through the process before, so I'm just conveying the combined wisdom gained from multiple trips through the system.

You wouldn't be dependent on your parents if you filed as an adult disabled child, what it would allow you to do is use their social security history instead of your own for determining you level of support. I suggested it because from the sounds of it you don't have much in the way of work history, and even if accepted under your own SS number they might not be able to do all that much for you. ADC status is designed for people with long term issues that make it hard for them to work at all, which is what it sounded like you're describing. It has nothing to do with you being a child or not, just the level of support your need. Regardless of how you slice it though, you're looking at a few months at least to get approved, though they will back-pay you to the date of application when you're approved, so it would be in your interest to do it sooner rather than later.

I'm just frusterated.....I know you're trying to be helpful, most people say you get denied usually. But yeah with what I was applying for all they need is my information........the problem was I did not have enough documentation to prove my issues and well I don't know if I would have the resources to appeal it this time if it gets denied which it probably will.

You have physical issues to deal with prior to anything else.

Correct diet and minimising drug use should be a top priority. Clean your body.

All else will follow naturally

I highly doubt if I start following a diet and quit smoking cannabis it will magically solve all my problems.....I have minimized my drinking and I try to smoke less ciggerettes but the cannabis is what helps me feel a bit better so I don't see myself quitting that any time soon if I have a choice in the matter.

and thus intelligent people make intelligent excuses for unintelligent acts

Right then....care to explain? I am not even sure what your last point was exactly.....I doubt my diet, or drug use is the cause of the mental problems I have. I was not using drugs as a child and ate better as a child and I was still depressed, anxious and socially akward. But anyways cannabis makes me feel better so I simply don't plan to quit using it.