I'd kill myself...

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I feel somewhat the same, I don't have much to live for these days.
I'm not one who would commit suicide, though if there was away I could simply leave this world without any drama and without hurting anyone else, I would do it.

I'm not one for suicide myself but i can get very depressed sometimes, but i do have a whole list of goals i want to do, and i figured i only get one shot at life being me anyway, i don't need a higher purpose or that my own life serves some other purpose but my own, but that's just me, i suck at giving up anyway. But it would be nice to just have some kind of break in life that you could just go on vacation and then come back when you're restored or something, sorry i'm just thinking out loud.

Today I read on one site for cancer patients and friends and families answers to their questions.
It was like: Your mother have maybe few months to live, maybe less.
I am very sorry to bring the bad news.

Well, all those people wanted to live
or they wanted their close ones to live.

Normally I am rather suicidal myself, but THAT did make me think...
Life is really short.

I daily think of ending it all. Even with the Cymbalta.

What stops me from doing something permanent is the thought that just have to see what the heck is going to happen next. Kinda like watching pile-up on the freeway.

I'm alive because when I die there will be nothing. Let this burden of existence take me where it may so that I may experience the delights of joy in the midst of all this misery.
The more depression I shoulder the better the rays of light that peek through the shutters. I will even enjoy the happy moments that come prepackaged in a bundle of anxiety. I will let my mind rot from obsessive thoughts. I will smoke. I will drink. I am poor, so I may not get to do all these things at once. This makes every cigarette more pleasurable. This makes every drop of alcohol better. This makes every mindless distraction that much more meaningful. I am happy, because I have something to look up to. I will see those glamorous celebrities and smile, because the human mind will always look for something better. I want a better life. So do they.

We are all chasing desires. We are all sharing this burden of life.

We will all see it through, because burden is joy.

At this point, I wouldn't want to die because I'm only 20 and I don't think that I've by any means given life a fair shake yet. However, if I don't experience some major changes for the better within the next 10 years or so, (particularly ways to feel less anxious and detached all the time) I think I would start to actively contemplate at least the prospect of dying.

Either that or if I were to be diagnosed with a terminal illness that would leave me in terrible pain would I consider suicide.