My Suicide

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I have been suicidal on many occasions, and have attempted it twice. I know that if you are going to do it, nothing I say will matter. I'd hope that those who have talked about it will not, because surviving my own was the greatest thing that could've happened to me. You feel like there's no way out, you feel like the only logical course of action is to end the pain. Yet, there are ways out. Therapy is not perfect, but it can help, especially if you go to a therapist and not a psychiatrist.

It may seem logical to think that suicide is right, but when you are depressed, you are not thinking rationally. Rationality would indicate that you are sick, and when you are sick, the only thing to do would be to see a doctor. I would urge you to go to the hospital. Don't think about the money involved, don't think about insurance. If you are suicidal, they can not turn you away. They will not cure your depression. They will supervise you, and do what they can to mitigate your suicidal thoughts. They will help you build up a support system on the outside, as well as a treatment plan. I urge you to please do this. You may think that nothing will get better. It certainly won't if you kill yourself. The loss of a job, the lack of a significant other, the loss of friends, all of these can be fixed, can be replaced. Depression itself can be treated, and not just through drugs. We have absolutely no treatment for death. Please don't go that way.

A job rushed is a job done improperly. A person's death by suicide should be done at there own pace and done properly.

ROSS, all I can say is that I've been where you are... many, many times. I know it seems like empty words to hear when I say that it does get better. But I also know that you cannot see that right now and there is nothing that I can really say to convince you when your reality has dictated otherwise for so long. I just want to say that I really wish I could hug you and help you feel better. There are people who care and would be there for you given the chance. You just haven't met all of them yet, but I hope that you stick around to try.

Was referring to the resolution of problems rather than the actual act of suicide.

Oh right. I'm looking at things from a negative perspective right now. I'm sure you are right. Self-destruction is an improper state of mind. Nothing spiritual or anything. Sometimes it just seems like the best course.

You know what they also say; suicidal thoughts won't occur as frequently and as strongly if you constantly keep yourself busy.

tried that, only works a bit, if a person is getting really depressed those thoughts creep up in any and every spare time, no matter how hard you try to keep yourself buzy..

as for the OP, I never considered overdose through ingestion because of all this talk about it just coming back up.

I was at the same point, 15 years of depression building up slowly from childhood, living only for the benefit of my closest family who would be heartbroken if I died physicly.
So I decided, now is the time, either get a life, or end it, and since I thought I'd try out both, well...

Now I'm on antidepressants, and slowly getting my life into a more comfortable structure, still gotta get a gf but I need to get to a point when I don't need the pills anymore first.

first off: if you don't like where u are now, find somewhere you do, city life was eating my strength, so I got away from it.

I have thoughts of suicide almost every day. They're always fleeting though, so odds are I won't act on it.

Not to mention one can only keep busy so long, especially since depression can kill motivation and energy...also keeping busy just distracts you for a while doesn't make the thoughts go away and they might even build up more and hit you even harder when you're done with the things you're busying yourself with.

I have had multiple severe suicidal depressions all through my early twenties, well starting just before actually. So, for six years at this point. Plus feeling suicidal most weeks in-between. I lived my life for a long time picking myself back from the brink over and over again. Thousands of times at this point!

I decided I was definitely sure last year. I was in no doubt any more.

Somehow, I could not get it together to organise my own death (kind of absurd).

A couple of good things happened, and I slowly began to feel marginally better again.

My life could not be described as happy in any way, neither objectively nor subjectively, and it probably won't be for a long time.

But it is possible to get that tiny little bit of extra mental strength to crawl out of the depths of suicidal depression.

I have to accept it all takes a long time. Longer than I could have been able to accept and cope with, had you told me a few years ago I'd still be living the same miserable, restricted, tormented life now as I was then.

But one thing I did also decide was that I'd rather go on a long walk or hitchhike or something than just die. Just leave it all behind. If I'm going to lose my life anyway...then....what do I have to lose? When you get to that point, do anything.

It's not that easy to kill yourself. You should read the contributions in Geo Stone's book ''Suicide and Attempted Suicide'' about failed suicide attempts. They are sobering.
I am not saying this to trigger you or give you ideas. I don't want you to kill yourself.
Everyone deserves to live, and live a happy life. Your life is in your hands, but that means you can change it slowly as well, you know. Time will push on anyway, nothing will stay the same, it never can.
I merely suggest those writings because they prove you can make life worse for yourself if you try to kill yourself and fail- and failing is very likely indeed.

Keep talking about it, to as many people as possible I would say. Don't romanticise the notion of self-murder; make it public, not private.
External, not internal.
This seems to help sometimes.

Take care x

I can assure I know most intimately every single shade and depth and corner of suicidality, and all places in-between. I understand him, and I care.
But all we can do is listen. That's how it works. You know that.

Plus, well, it's different for everyone, and its the same. I experienced depersonalisation alongside my worst depressions, because of PTSD. Other people have other things thrown in, and know their own depths differently. Plus we all have our own reasons for why we feel it in the end.

I think everyone here cares for him.