Jealous of younger people who were diagnosed?

Post Reply New Topic

In some ways I think I would love to have had a diagnosis as a child, because in my fantasy that would have made my mother realize that my behavior was not because I was deliberately trying to piss her off and perhaps she wouldn't have whacked me so frequently or displayed her disgust of me so often. But who am I kidding? When I was depressed and in hospitals and acting out, she didn't do anything to change her behavior or attitude toward me even when I could have died. So, I don't know if it would have made any difference. I think part of what gave me hope was that I was nothing like them and wanted to be nothing like them, as they were horrible people. If I had a diagnosis, perhaps I would have felt automatically inferior. It was nice to be able to blame them for my unhappiness for a long time. The only problem with that was that it stunted my emotional growth and took me years and years to figure this much out.

blaming someone and/or something else for something that is neither their fault nor their responsibility (getting the proper dx for an "unknown" condition).

and you essentially just repeated a segment of my post using different words. Years ago, hfa was unknown and not understood. Yet YOU should be able to realise something is different about yourself compared to others. Does it give you a socially accepted label to consider when learning how to cope? no. but hfa/AS is such that we are functional enough to develop coping and masking skills. I did, and so also has every hfa individual I have (personally) met thus far, some more successfully than others, but all in one form or another. .

Does a dx help? IF we manage to find knowledgeable medical professionals and support systems, then absolutely. Otherwise it serves primarily one or both of two purposes.
(1) we now have a label/reason /excuse for our "quirks" which society may accept or not.
(2) with said label, we can refine our search in trying to identify resources to help us modify our own behavior to best ensure success. With or without help/ resources /knowledge /support, it is still the responsibility of the individual, not the institutions.

So blaming others for circumstances that are your responsibility is counterproductive.

How easy or difficult it is or will be, is relative to the individual, regardless of the available resources /knowledge. having resources/knowledge should make it easier for you, relative to how difficult it would be for you without the resources, but only insomuch as you are capable of utilizing said resources /knowledge

It is, but I just feel it. And honestly, I don't know who I would direct blame towards. The psychiatric professionals just didn't know that people could be autistic even if they were high functioning back in the '70s. I'm not going to blame myself for this one; I never studied psychological disorders.
My bitterness isn't directed against anyone, just one of those "if it had been this way" moments, but who knows. My childhood was a traumatic event, but I'm doing okay for the moment.

I suspect that if I had been dx'd as a young 'un, I would have given up on life. I would not have been able to cope with a hard and fast reason for my social retardation. it would have taken away hope from me. but when I was dx'ed as a middle-aged fart, it came more like a relief or at least a long-deferred answer to a question I wasn't ready to have pondered as a younger man. I hope that made sense.

There is a difference between blame and responsibility. Why is it someone's fault? I didn't make myself hfa. My mother and/or father MAY have made choices that contributed, and maybe not. Vaccines MAY have contributed or exacerbated it, and maybe not.
However, I became aware of my differences at a relatively early age and began trying to compensate for them. I failed in some areas and succeeded in other areas. Now I know what and why. Now there is data to study for behavior modification. Had I been diagnosed younger, I probably would have been committed by my intolerant drug addicted father, forcibly sterilized, and brutalized eve worse than I was in the military. My autism is my responsibility, but no one's fault.

I don't find anyone at fault for my autism, I just wish it had been figured out how to treat children when I was a child. I missed it by 30 years; drat.
I'm glad things didn't work out like you have projected. That sounds horrible. Forcible sterilization! I'm shocked that that could be something that could have happened to you. I'm not sure what goes on in the military; frankly I find anything militaristic terrifying and I have always avoided it.
I agree, it is my responsibility to use all the tools available which allow me to function to the best of my ability.

thank you for posting this. this is something that has bothered me as well. thank you for putting it into words.

In some ways I am glad I did not know I had a neurological/learning difference and in some ways I am bothered that I did not find out earlier (way after I finished college and was working several years I found out my differences and why).

The one thing that I feel might have been different and better was knowing before college and then I could have studied a different profession. I look back and think "oh if I would have known my life would be great now and I would be in a profession that suited me to a tee" (that is very wishful thinking and in hindsight it is easier to say I should have done this or that).

I have NVLD (nonverbal learning disorder) and maybe ASD.

Being in the last generation of undiagnosed autistics burns me up completely. There's so much I could have done with that half century, and now it's just gone.

Worse, because I'm an old autistic it's still OK to leave me out. That burns too. It's taken me six decades to reach a real understanding of the words heart breaking, but I've finally got there.

Like what? being in the first generation of medical oopsies for autism? essentially, by missing diagnosis until adulthood, you've been overlooked by the medical community so you don't get exposed to their screwup, and you are technically covered under disabilities acts so you do have recourse for work discrimination.



And now that you have a diagnosis, iirc (and depending on your country) you can no longer use a gun to go hunting, in some places you no longer even qualify for a fishing license. You are on a list that, if things get bad as they have in the past multiple times, could qualify you for being euthanized to save the government money. euthanization and forced sterilization is a real history even of the united states.

Remember the girl in fla who's husband fought to have the plug pulled and won simply because the woman couldn't form the complete sentence "I want to live", even though she tried? Check the history books. Several states had forced sterilization for children of drunks and drug addicts. Nothing wrong with the children, but because the parents had issues. The children were forcibly sterilized.

The only thing we missed out on is perhaps being a part of the history of figuring out how to contend with autism in children (f***ups included). But don't fret. We still get to put up with all the $41+ and f***ups of them trying to decide if and when and what and how to treat autism in adults, current state of ignorance included. We just didn't get to be victimized by it all as a child. We still get to be victimized by it all as an adult, so no need for us all to fret.