Girl, Interrupted

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I sometimes miss the hospitals. The people there where all very nice, Dr., nurses and *most* patients.
I miss the routine and lack of decision making as well. Don't miss the drugs I had to take tho. I don't miss all the other people crying at night either and sometimes the screaming/wailing etc. Thats what I really didn't like.

The thing I hated most about being in psych hospitals was having everything I did watched and feeling like I was a criminal instead of a patient. In fact, the second time I was hospitalized, I was in a state hospital where they also keep jail inmates undergoing psychiatric evals before going on trial. The security at the place would rival Sing-Sing and San Quenton.

I've been hospitalized twice due to severe depression and the staff were extremely picky on what I could keep in my room since they thought I may use something to kill myself. I wasn't even allowed to have my big hair comb or brush. Come on! What the heck would someone do with a hair brush, brush themselves to death?

My sister doesn't get depression. She thought I just wanted attention (I didn't) and told me to "get over it". I felt worse than ever after she visited.

ECT was tried because I had tried all kinds of medications and nothing had worked. It was either ECT or be institutionalised for a long time.

I feel like you.
Liked the doctors.
Liked some patients.
Liked the routine.
Liked the lack of responsibility.
Liked messing about with a certain girl (i.e. swtiching off all the lights and running into walls, and doing headstands in the corridor).
Liked the nice colours and furniture there (surprising for an NHS ward).

Hated the drugs (clonazepam and olanzapine every day and valium/lorazepam PRN).
Hated the girl who kept yelling and banging her head against the wall (I'm surprised she didn't black out).
Hated the restraining.
Hated the Section.
Hated the PICU.

But overall, I do partly miss the regular adolescent ward.

If I get ill again (TOUCH WOOD I WON'T) after October '07, then I will go to an adult ward. Adult wards are as boring as f*ck compared to adolescent wards. I don't want to go there. Eek.

I'm very sorry about your sister and the ECT. How are you doing now?

I know somewhat how you feel though. I was in an adult PICU while waiting for transferral to an adolescent one (a PICU is a Psychiatric Intensive Care Unit). There was a convicted paedophile IN THE ROOM OPPOSITE TO ME. Originally I was nursed on 2 nurses to 1 because of my mental state (which included not being able to go to the bathroom alone - I didn't have a bath for two weeks). As my mental state improved, I still had to be nursed on 1 to 1 because of that freaking paedophile. He stole my CDs, but I got them back. Little a***hole. Security was high there too. Metal detectors galore and two double locked doors. We had a courtyard, but that was fenced off with barbed wire. I WAS 16 FOR GOD'S SAKE.

I read the book and liked it,and saw some of the movie,which I liked,too.

I've never been to a mental hospital,but I think one of these days I might end up going.


-SpaceCase

I know it shouldn't be, but this thread is a great comfort to me, lol. I was misdiagnosed as borderline, and whenever I have been trying to think of traits I have that cannot possibly fit Aspergers, my tendency to overdose as a teen to get back into hospital and to have routine and kindness shown came to me. I first took one at 14 as a response to my mother being nasty to me when I had run away from a school play I was meant to be a lead in. I dont know why I did it, but my parents dropped my off along the road up to the school, and I just took off and found my way to the rollerrink I loved...and the paramedic that worked there that I liked, lol.

But I have to admit, I liked the caring you got in hospital? There was something totally different in it to the sort of caring you get from parents and my parents had issues anyway and my mother was controlling. But is this the case with any other aspies? That you got obsessed over those in caring professions, like doctors, nurses etc? I did, and always saw it as an aspect of borderline.

I was sectioned to a private Uk hospital once, won't name it, but let us say that florence nightingale rings a bell It was a horrible experience. I kept trying to escape and I cannot define totally why. Part of it was that I HATED being confined, and another was that I found it amusing to try and outwit the nurses etc. I was bored. Trying to escape all the time was a challenge.

I was restrained by being sat on once, and another time after I had self harmed, I was stitched up without anaesthetic as some sort of punishment to stop me doing it again. It was a horrid place. They took the section off because they couldnt do anything with me apparently.

I have had urges since to return. I get the same urge whenever I go to hospital for my thyroid blood tests, but I don't think I would act on those.

The more I read, the more I am asking, where is the liine really between things like AS and borderline etc, as right now for me, there does not seem to be one. The things I had considered to be evidence that maybe the doctor was right with my diagnosis apparently turn up in Aspergers too.

I think it's due to us feeling like we're "loved" for the first time. We didn't get much caring in the first place so we latch on to anyone who shows the slightest hint of attention, even though they're paid to do so.

Never been like that with psychiatric staff but was attached to my pastor to the point of obsession.

I know the feeling. People there are so kind to you. Well, most of the time. I was in a private UK hospital too once, I wonder if it was the same one. Was it in Berkshire? Sometimes I really liked the feeling of being confined, but only for a short time. I wasn't allowed outside a ward (that includes the small courtyard that was part of the ward where one could play football on a small pitch) for four weeks in one stretch, which made me SICK.

That is blatently illegal to deliberately withold local anaesthetic as a punnishment or technique to stop you harming again. Probably also against your human rights under ECHR.

Yes, I imagine it was. I cannot even recall if I told my mother or not. I imagine not due to my considering she wouldn't react as I had cut myself in the first place. It was a terrible place, considering it was a private hospital. Everytime I go to London and pass it, I remember.

Sorry, couldn't post for a while, they weren't going through.

I still find myself wanting to go back to the psych ward. One of my friends is in one currently. I envy her even though I know it is wrong. The people there care for her 24 hours a day.

Life is chaotic out here, for sure.

Yes, listen to Warren, he knows what he's talking about!

That is wrong, perhaps you should contact a lawyer.

Life is too hectic here, I agree. I just remembered one of the coolest (in my terms) girls in the world that was at the hospital when I was there. We switched off all the lights in the corridors in the bedroom area (there were no nurses there at the time) and, strangely, it was pitch black except for a tiny emergency light. We put obstacles all over the corridor and we ran for our lives down the corridor, and kept tripping up and falling over all over the place. It was hilarious!! ! Until the doctor found us and literally shouted until he was red.

I want to e-mail the locum psychiatrist....

yeah as warren wrote, we need attention, see I go to places but people there, I might as well be a plant sometimes, I'm not sure if that's the way it is, but I've never belonged anywhere, it's like I'd love to be around people, but I don't know how, but then there's these people who pretend to be a anti-social like it's cool, but they have friends, is the grass on the other side greener? or is it astro Turf?