I might kill myself

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Please don't kill yourself. Life is short enough and sh*t enough as it is, ending it all would just make it shorter for you and worse for people who care about you. You have the potential to get through this. Try to get some healthcare coverage as much as you can, struggle and you might drag yourself out of this mess. Good luck. I hope things bet better.

Ditch the BF. If he'll cheat WITH you, he'll cheat ON you. Watched a friend do this to another friend, and to subsequent women-- a cheater is a cheater is a cheater, and it has little to do with the character of who he is with. When the going gets tough (and it always does), they get going.

Give family the coldest shoulder you can. I didn't plan any of my kids either (and my middle daughter may very well be the product of spousal rape). Those things aren't your fault; if they are not willing to work on/with their issues, there's no reason they should get to drag you down.

Keep up with the lazy eye exercises, and keep looking for sane (in the sense of health-seeking) people who like you for who you are and will treat you right. They are out there, even if you have to turn over a lot of rocks.

Don't give up, please. I'd miss you.

Wow. That's almost exactly like my mother. Same age, same situation.

My mother used to be nearly impossible to live with. She's better now, but I don't think she'll ever understand the damage she did to us. She still tries to look out for me these days; maybe that's her way of making up for things she can't really apologize for. Plus I think she'd get lonely without me. Her relationship with my younger brother is cordial at best, and the youngest one is constantly pushing her buttons for his own amusement. It's disturbing to hear the way they talk to each other sometimes. I think she wants me to be able to make it in this world, despite her complete failure to prepare me for it at a younger age.