meh

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It's not an Aussie thing. It's used world wide. It's very prevalent in America. I think it was invented by some Belgian guy.

Which girl told you being in security is as bad as being unemployed?

What do you think is going to happen in 8 years?

The thing about Sly: He's not bad-looking. He's 6 foot 4. All he has to do is have good posture, and decent conversational skills, and I don't see how he can't get a girl.

In eight years....so he says........

But I don't think he'll do it. Because he'll probably have at least a relationship in eight years. Or he'll at least, have more confidence in himself. At age 35, things frequently start to click for guys. When they're in their 20's, everything's up in the air.

Maybe so but they said same thing happens at age 25

I guess 35 is the new 25.

Seriously....I was a mess when I was in my 20's. I lived alone, but had only a mattress on the floor and no TV. And I didn't care, either. I had relationships--but they were formed on the subway, then the girl would follow me home, and...you know.

September, 1984, Age 23: One day, when it was 99 degrees (37 Celsius), this woman whose ad I answered grabbed me, and just about raped me. She gave me "crabs" as a result. I was so desperate!

I once tried to hand people poems on the subway---with no success. However, after that day (I was 26), I knew that things would get better.

You're much better than me at your age. You have a bed, a computer, an apartment, your place is probably clean. You have a job in IT. You have more going for you than you think.

You probably think I'm a Pollyanna Optimist--I ain't! I lived through crap....and I know what lies beyond the stench of the crap.

the concept yes. the name no. never heard of it. have heard of the body wieght to hight/build thing. but they call it something else

not security but my job as a cashier. homeless people get more relationships and sex than me.

my death.

in the dead of winter?

also live with family in house we rent together so yeah bad idea as that's a huge red flag to women. I'd be better off inviting them back to my place where I live with my roommates who are junkie and a serial murderer.
" well I almost died, but hey at least he didn't live with his family." >.> also it would seem you are far less likely to get raped around the guys family then you are if you go back to his place with is other 2 male roommates.



I do have good posture o.O. social skills out of work with women is a big no. I'll just creep them out. so many rules about how doing almost anything is creepy. or I'd likely tried asking the one girl out instead of waiting like amonth for my sister to take 30 secs to send a message suggesting another walk.

35 is the end of the road. too late to have kids, too late to have that young fun relationship. I'll likely be bald by then. personally I'd do it now rather then wait 8 years but made a promise. 8 more years of hell on earth till I'll be free. things click for other shy guys at 35 cause most by then have a successful high paying job, nice car, own a house, ie perfect settling down guy for a woman looking to finally settle. some ugly aspie guy who makes slightly above min wage and lives with his family isn't who they consider.

though to be fair there's always the chance of ww3, shtf, pandemic, shooting, car accident,fire death at firewatch, etc. isn't going be no woman waiting at my hospital bed or holding my hand as I pass
seems some people are just born to live horrible lives, why drag that s**t out longer then it has to be..

everyone else I know has had 2-10 relationships already. I'm sure when they turn 35 they be one of the guys to get a wife etc. which sucks cause they don't even want relationships. maybe women are like cats and always go for the guys who seem most off putting/not interested. o.O

you grew up in different times. envy you in that. if I was born in say 1900s I'd be married by now or dead. either is better than this hell.

In that case maybe it's not your job that's the problem. Homeless people don't have a better job than you. They may be more confident than you but in that case you have a confidence problem, not a job problem.

Maybe your job status is more important for online dating. A homeless guy probably wouldn't use that so whatever trampettes he should meet in person will see his confidence in person and not his job title through a screen.

I know to say you're not confident is kind of pointing out the obvious but I'm trying to say that career isn't everything (I tried to do a thread about that, it didn't end well). And you may say it's hypocritical of me to say you're not confident since I have the same problem. I could count that number of dates I've had on one hand. And you may say it's hypocritical of me to point out the disadvantages of online dating since I still use online dating. Even for dating sites, career isn't everything. Lately I've been talking to this 21 year old girl who makes more than $200,000 a year. She makes about four times as much as me but she doesn't seem to mind that I don't get paid as much as her. Career isn't everything, even on dating sites.

8 years? That's an oddly specific time for your death. I don't condone suicide at all but why 8 years and not 7 or 9?

Why not? I've been to barbeques in the middle of winter. Just this year I went to one on a cold June night.

That sounds like a good idea for a horror movie. Picture it. A pretty girl gets invited to this guy's house and then finds out he still lives at his mum's house. It would be a bit like the first Friday the 13th movie, the one with Jason's mum in it.
/sarcasm

Yes it is but it's not too late for a stable relationship. Do you want to have a young relationship like teenagers have or do you want to have a stable relationship that lasts for more than a month? I for one wouldn't want to get embroiled in all that sophomoric drama.

Also there's a guy in my music group who's painfully shy who didn't have his first relationship until he was 34. But now he's in a stable relationship with a girl from music group.

Not true. I've met loads of 35 year old guys who didn't own a house and drove cheap cars.

Are you actually ugly or is it some sort of self-loathing induced facial dysmorphia?

If you get injured by fire or shooting or world war 3 or something, there's a chance your injuries won't be fatal and there's thing called Florence Nightingale syndrome I heard about from the first Back to the Future movie. That could work for you.

Anyway, married people aren't always happy. There's this other guy at music group who's ~40 year old wife died from a sudden asthma attack. He was devastated. Now he has to raise his 8 year old son without any help.

Or my parents. They got married and now they hate each other. They only stayed together until I was 3 and now you literally can't get them in the same room. And the crazy thing is they're still married. Dad didn't even know he was still married before I told him. Mum refuses to file for divorce because she dislikes paperwork.

Sly is not ugly; in fact, he's very normal-looking.

You've seen him?

Yes. He posted a picture of himself. Nothing grotesque.

I hope you folks understand that there's no magic switch you can flip to make someone confident. It's very easy to look at someone and just wonder what's wrong with them when they appear normal, but I find it's very detrimental to what autism awareness is all about. Confidence is incredibly hard to come by, especially when you've lived your whole life being so much different from everyone around you. It may be easy to tell him to man up and just ask a girl out, but for him, that means something entirely different, and for some, probably holding back from crying or barfing trying to just say "hi" to someone said person likes (Aware that's likely an exaggeration, but you get it.)

There is a lot of truth in saying that you shouldn't base your own self worth off what women think of you, though, that's a lock to being single. I think you have to learn to love yourself first, whatever that means for you. If just having a job and hobbies is all you need, great, honestly, that worked for me. I got the job, and I re-located to where I could live out my hobbies every day (I live 10 minutes from Alta ski resort) and it's done wonders for my own self esteem.

There are ways to build up confidence. I'm no casanova but for general socializing the trick that works for me is to just feign confidence until it turns into a self-fulfilling prophesy. After people have seen how confident you look they'll think you have reason to be confident and then it's easier to actually be confident.

Use that to your advantage. Another trick that works for me. Get people to think you're eccentric and interesting. Sometimes I go out of my way to point out how different I am. They don't soon forget who I am. Make yourself look like some kind of eccentric genius.

True. Asking girls out in meatspace is something I can't do without much effort and prior ruminating. I think that stems mainly from the aspie curse of not being able to read people. I have trouble telling if a girl is into me so that makes me more reluctant to ask her out.

True. That kind of feedback loop could lead to cognitive vulnerability.

The thing that really plays on my mind is the idea that a lot of girls have been into me over the years but I always screwed it up every time

That's wear retail therapy comes in. If I'm feeling low I can base my worth on how much stuff I own. I know it's shallow but buying stuff is easier than more noble achievements and on some days that's the only achievement I have.

Hobbies are a great therapy but when someone gets really depressed they may lose interest in their hobbies.

A fact that really depresses me is that people in long term relationships are statistically less likely to have psychological problems such as depression. One psychologist called it the panacea of mental illness.

Nice!

yet women I've dated or just hung out with say I am confident. o.O
they list on their ads/profile that the guy must have : job, car, own place(not with family) or they say life together, have a plan for your life. etc. blah blah blah. 1000s and 1000s of women who are say the same thing. can't just be random. I highly doubt they don't feel the same if you meet them in person, if anything online dating just gives them the courage to be truthful of their real demands and feel safe doing so.

talking to or dating. theres a difference. women will be friends with poor guys but wouldn't find the guys good enough to date. just like rich people might have poor friends but won't take them to the yaht club.
they don't' consider my job a job goes like this woman"where do you work?" me " I work seasonally at the LCC book store" "woman " oh......" chat disconnects and I never hear from them again.

8 years is when I'll be 35 on my bday. I like the idea of going out on the same day and time I came into this world.

don't do much bbqs here. like as a population. no way am I having a first date at my house like ever. also apparently inviting a woman to your house means you want sex.




both. pleanty of teanages have stable relationships too. they also get all the fun and rush of a young relationship. the crushing, the romance, hikes, spontaneous sex, spontaneous outings etc.
lot better then some boring relationship that goes straight to marriage and kids.

so have I they are also single.


dysmorphia? nope. I say I'm ugly because thats what women say about me. couldn't fight the reality forever.



small chance but unlikely.
yes and single people aren't always sad, so? I am not under some false dream that a relationship will be happy all the time. but I'll be happy more than I am now. sure their be fights and stuff, happens with all humans.
but at least he had years of happiness rather then spending 80 years of depression hell to die alone. and he still has his kid as company.
for every bad marriage there's a few good ones. they just don't go around posting or telling about it. worlds way more happy then it is depressed. news just takes the time to find all the horrible stuff.

I can be confident though, I find it sad that what makes me unconfident is that I share my emotions in troubles. I mean say I came on here and only said happy things all the time. people would be like he seems so confident. same with women. they say I'm confident but then once I drop my shield and open up they like omg hes lacks confident because he told me how hes sad or lonely or cuddles blankets because he needs to be held. like wtf. share your emotions they say but soon as you do then you get labeled unconfident. o.O so If I just never share my emotions with women they will see me as confident. the reality is in between. or that it changes with different situations. I'd like to just be able to be myself. I'm am emotional I was raised by women to be open and emotional. or as some call a soft guy. I'm very affectionate.

its hard not to when you need women to accept you and date you. which requires caring about what they think.
as for other things I have hobbies. I need to be held and kissed. guns, video games, money collecting. history etc can not hug me. I'm not too unhappy with that part of my life. wish I could afford to shoot more often but meh, just glad I can shoot when I can even if it's just once a year.

think for me is that I'm a different person when around people. socializing makes me happy. having people to talk to about my interests makes me happy. which is probably why people find me confidence. and a lot of the stuff that makes me unconfident comes mostly from my lack of a gf/romantic partner, so if I was dating most of that wouldn't be around. I might even have a gf if I could just get dates

True. Asking girls out in meatspace is something I can't do without much effort and prior ruminating. I think that stems mainly from the aspie curse of not being able to read people. I have trouble telling if a girl is into me so that makes me more reluctant to ask her out.

for me its fear, say one thing wrong and you come off as creepy and what could have turned into a great relationship is no in the trash.

like the girl my sister knows . on paper we could match well. but my sister keeps forgetting to message her to set up another date, now been like 2 months. I can't just message her myself without coming off as creepy.
I want to ask her out but everyone says it'd be creepy to message her. my sister, counselor, people here , yahoo answers etc.

I know they say that. Yet guys without that stuff still get girlfriends. I got dates online when I didn't have a place (and I had a really crappy, low paying job at the time). Those dates didn't go very well but not because I didn't have my own place or a good job. They went badly because I'm bad at dating. I remember this one girl from earlier this one year, she revealed that she also lived at home. She was 24 and doing a bachelor of nursing. She was slightly embarrassed but it didn't surprise me too much that she lived at home, being a student. Here in Australia it's rare for students to live on campus. Campus dorms are mostly for foreign students. Most of the domestic students live with their parents but some will rent out their own places, some of them when they're fairly young. It's pretty much tradition here to study in your home city. That doesn't seem to be the case in America. For some reason you all go away for college, usually in another state. I'm not sure why this is but my hypothesis is it's due to your population being more spread out. Australia has a lower population but most of us live in half a dozen cities. Most of us are near several universities. Perhaps America's more evenly spread population (at least in the Eastern half) necessitates going away for college.

Anyway, this girl like many others I've met had the same kind of self doubts that guys can have. She didn't have a driver's license. At first she didn't think this was a big deal but by the end of the date she was saying she was pathetic for not driving. I think this was because she thought I hated her so this made her think it was her fault so that made her self critical. I've observed it in other girls. There was a 19 year old girl at work who was berating herself just because she failed her driving test. She wasn't too old and she may have passed it on the second try. She seemed to think everyone but her started driving when they were 16. I didn't start until I was 19 either. And there was this one girl I chatted to on a dating site I was really into (mostly because she was Asian) who was really critical. She would berate herself every time she made a typo and this was on a live chat, where such errors are nigh unavoidable. I asked her if she would think less of me if I made a typo. She said that she wouldnt. And yet still she berated herself every time she made a typo. Then she said she had OCD. Maybe that was why she was like that. I asked her out but she said she was too nervous around other people. I think she may've been a recluse. Eventually she deleted her profile. Maybe for the best because I think she wanted to convert me to veganism

Anyway, the point is there are many girls who will be less concerned about your short comings because they're too worried about their own.

You are right. I'll probably never have any of that stuff. That's kind of depressing

It's all my fault. When I was a teenager there were girls who were into me but I didn't notice. When I did notice was when they asked me out and I refused. When I was that age I just couldn't deal with it. If I would've acted like a normal boy I wouldn't be in this mess now. It's all my fault.

I've met loads of 35 year old guys who didn't own a house and drove cheap cars and where in long term relationships, some of them married. What's wrong with renting a house anyway? Nowadays the real estate prices are so inflated you could be forgiven for renting.