I should just put a bullet in my head.

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I see little reason for you to be so self-conscious about your drinking. I know I'm not and I've lived with people who raise a LOT more hell drunk than you ever have, to the best of my knowledge. One of them fried the clutch in my last car, and it looks like I'll be coexisting with said party for quite some time. Hooray for separate time zones.

Just last week some guy I'd just met halved a 500 of rum and K.O.'d my friend's laptop belligerently sparring in an apartment. 'Twas no puny machine either, core i7/Nvidia something - substituting for a PS3. I ended up tearing it down to the clips & screws all night. Your shenanigans look pretty mundane from where I'm sitting.

I got a PS3 that only had like 12GB of storage. Um, why did I bother?

This is another reason I want to discuss it with my therapist...I mean my mom just really dislikes the stuff and people being intoxicated and can jump to conclusions. Like for instance I do not think I am alcoholic I do not 'need' to drink...but there are times I do drink and in excess and end up making a bit of an a** of myself. but with my moms constant concern of 'what if you're an alcoholic' then I start to dwell on it more and get all worried...but then I know for a fact there are people like you describe who have done far worse than me and get belligerent way more often.

So I get confused on whether to be seriously concerned, or if my mom might be blowing things a little out of porportion because of her personal feelings(which nothing against her for how she feels but it might cloud her from really being able to offer any objective advice or perspective). Also it could be our lifestyles are always simply going to clash, so maybe I really need to somehow start pursuing moving out...but that seems like a scary step to take in a lot of ways even though being on disability I'd qualify for subsidized housing that takes like 30% of SSI income for rent which is about what I pay my mom in rent...but maybe we just can't live together.

I got one with I have no idea how much storage....what does 12GB hold, maybe you can trade it in for one with higher amount of storage...or sell it on ebay/craigslist or something and use whatever money to get a better one? Disappointing purchases do always suck.

With the proviso that you don't drink and drive. Other than that whatever substances you imbibe at concerts is your business.

Green stuff is a whole lot safer than flammable stuff in any & all scenarios.

The guy who thrashed my car still hasn't admitted it to my face many months later. Only really by offering to supplant it with another project vehicle I can't accommodate, and that wasn't direct either. I honestly couldn't care less that alcohol diminishes people's inhibitions, most of us have too many of those anyway. It only causes lasting problems when it makes people indifferent about destructive conduct.

I don't drive so that certainly is not a concern....In my mind I don't really want to drink in excess, but the way I beat myself up over it when it does happen and my moms relentless concern that I must be an alcoholic in denial really makes it take up more of my thinking than is healthy. I mean in taking psychology I know if you obsess over a certain condition you don't really have over some minor concern you can subconscious even develop traits of that and in effect bring on unwanted symptoms........I don't want to get it in my head I need to drink and have some addiction problem, if maybe all I need is some help learning to manage drinking safely. Basically I don't want to self gas-light myself into defining myself as some kind of alcoholic if I am not one...I mean I feel personally I have a bit of a problem with over-doing it, drinking to try to avoid getting pissed off if irritable and just irresponsibility with it....but I don't get sweats or shaking or anything if I go without alcohol I might crave the taste of a nice cold one, but if I don't have the means to afford it then I just move on.

Maybe I need to branch out and just not depend so much on mom, like if I formed a couple friends who maybe where into concerts and music and such....maybe then I could make plans to car-pool with them and such, but I need to branch out. Was going to give a couple meetings of autism support groups a try, though not sure the likelyhood of meeting other metalhead, have been there done that with various substance abuse, understand losing control due to over-doing it types but you never know...maybe there's someone just as lonely as me with the same sort of alternate livestyle sort of way wondering if there's another kind of like them. But gotta go to one of those meetings...so far trying to make friends at a bar/show hadn't turned out so maybe going to a group in a context of people all having a simularity like all having autism or autistic traits. But yeh I was drinking a lot at the age of 19 even and well honestly it never got to be an issue with my mom till I stopped being so cautious about not being intoxicated at all around her...for the longest time she didn't even know I drank let alone in excess and I certainly was not doing it any less. There is a lot she doesn't know...she doesn't know about my post dropping out of college drug binge, though may have to sit down and talk to her about that guess I am growing past worrying about her approval...trouble is I am not wanting to change my lifestyle too terribly much aside from gaining more of a social life...I know I wouldn't alter how i live my life just because mom or whoever wants me to.

Yes the green is way safer, though laws are still such up in such a way where drinking is the thing to do...places still try to prevent consumption of the green making alcohol more socially approved especially to go out in public. If concerts allowed marijuana consumption I feel that would be a good thing...But yeah thinking back I was not the only one who was being kind of an ass at the show, a lot of people where kinda pissy and it was just a bad night. I just hope it doesn't deter the band from touring in colorado there are much better venues. One thing is for sure with the immense guilt I feel even for getting a little out of hand while intoxicated convinces me it has not made me indifferent about destructive conduct....I care deeply when I feel I've potentially been a jerk regardless of why I was being one.