i want to kill myself tonight

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Suicide should really be for the terminally ill who know they are going to die anyway but want to do it with dignity. If someone posts something like this instead of just going through with it most likely they at least have a shred of hope left. I sure as hell won't tell you the best way to kill yourself.

Please Don't. You are my age and boy let me tell you. You got a lot to live for. The amount of experiences and people you have yet to meet. This world is questionable but believe me when I say this. There are people who do care about you, even on this site. Keep your head up and down give in to the naysayers. You have so much to live for and I hope that some time along the line. You have everything in life sorted down.

Depression is an illness and needs to be treated as such. It's all to do with makeup,. chemical imbalances, genetics and such. Not all Aspies are subject to suicidal depression but when they are, combined with other conditions the sufferer needs serious assistance. Suitable medication is essential in a case like this and if the first one doesn't work then the OP needs his health professional to prescribe something stronger.

I trust you are managing OK, L Holmes. Your bosses should be made aware that you suffer from clinical depression (e g a letter from your medical professional) because if they are know about it they can choose to be more supportive, because it should be treated as an illness or "disability" and they should not discriminate against you. If they don't know, they will think you are just slacking off from "laziness". Life is difficult for us at times, but when you have supportive people around you it helps. The company I'm working for, although not a well paying company, have a number of people with AS and other "invisible" conditions, and a policy that even if one has an alcohol problem, which is also a disorder, they will be supportive provided the person wants to be helped and is honest with them. I know my life would have been much simpler had I been diagnosed at 18 instead of age 45!

You may find that exercising such as jogging helps your state of mind by releasing serotonins into the bloodstream. If you don't have time in the week try on weekends because I know from personal experience it helps.

Hugs to you.

If you writing fake suicide notes on Facebook then you DO want attention. Else you wouldn't put it on Facebook for everyone to see.

Am I wrong?

Yes you are wrong. I never wrote a fake suicide note on Facebook, an ex friend of mine did. I did however talk about my feelings on Facebook to vent and I'm not the only one of my true friends who does that. Saying I feel suicidal or just depressed is different than posting that you are going to kill yourself and not go through with it. I am not some attention seeking idiot, I do post a lot about other subjects because I feel like I have something to say, whether it's my insight on a subject or just to look for some amusement when appropriate. You don't have to like or agree with what I have to say, I just enjoy speaking my mind.

Okay my bad.

No hard feelings we all misunderstand each other sometimes. To the OP I hope you will get help and support if you need it, I wouldn't want you to make a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If you need to talk to someone you are more than welcome to PM me.

People say, "get some help" as if this is not why you are here. Or, "quit being stupid" like you care about insults anymore.

I struggle everyday to find a reason to live and I fail most of them.

The only thing keeping me going is that I have made my exit plan elaborate enough to require three days of preperation. I usually find some scraps of hope in that time, to bear through a few more days.

I read something about the suicide survivers from the Golden Gate and they said regret was immediate.

I feel most certain it is the wrong choice but I do relate to how you are feeling.

To be honest, I'm probably not going to do it. I just really want to. Sometimes thinking and planning about it actually makes me feel better. It's hard to be really worried about having a horrible future ahead if you are planning on making sure it never happens.

I wish I could just make myself do it, but I always start changing my mind at the last minute. I feel like it makes me look like I really do just want attention and I'm not serious about it. It's not true though, because if I did, like somebody else said, I'd be purposely showing people the cuts on my arm, and posting things like that on non-anonymous sites. In reality, nobody that knows me from real life has any idea (well maybe one person, but she is NOT my friend anymore).

You know what always helps me when I'm depressed?

Watching baseball.

Do you like watching or playing sports?

Watching is boring. Playing would be fun if I was actually good, and had people to play with. I'm not terrible, but people assume I am. They used to tell me "I would pass you the ball but I can never see where you are because you are short." Whatever. If I actually did something right people would go crazy with the compliments, which actually just pissed me off more, because obviously they were only doing that because they expected me to suck.

Well...you don't suck.

How would you feel about joining a slow-pitch softball league?

Adults are not kids; they don't think like kids. They'll think you're okay, as long as you try.

No, thanks. For one thing I don't think there's anything like that around here, but even if there was I wouldn't want to. I'm seriously sick of trying to "put myself out there" and getting rejected. I'm just not normal enough. I can tell people feel obligated to include me, because I'm always the odd one out. It may not be the same kind of blatant rejection and bullying that I got as a kid, but it's basically the same. Regardless of whether people try to include me or not, I just don't belong.

It does seem as if you arrived at work on time today. That's a plus.

I think...as long as you continue to be productive while you're at work....that they won't fire you. The supervisor has to not let it be known that it's good to be late for work, though. Do you, say, stay 1 1/2 hours after your quitting time if you come on 1 1/2 hours late?

Even in pro sports, there are always "eccentrics" who don't quite fit in. Sports, for some, is an oasis where you don't have to really "relate" to people. You just play the game to the best of your ability. You just have to be superficially "social."

In any group, there are always a few "eccentrics." Hanging out with adults is NOT the same as hanging out with kids. You don't have to fit in, like you had to "fit in" in high school. I know this from experience.

I'm still a kid.

I know...but you're 19 years old (or are you 20?). It's really not the same as being in high school.

A group of people who work together, in general, are more mature than people who go to school together. This includes even college students.

They have to support themselves. They have bills to pay. You're all in the same boat. It's not like being a high school kid.