Resentment I cannot express to anyone IRL

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Hi Edenthiel,

For the Obamacare Facts and the Cheatsheet page, I think that website had somewhat misleading writing. If you look at the Obamacare Facts, you'll see that I actually posted multiple times on there.

It's true that Blue Cross Blue Shield of Tennessee is listed on the Cheatsheet page, but you have to keep in mind that that only applies to certain plans, likely group employee plans. It does not seem to apply to any of the plans that are sold on the exchange, which still have exclusions. This appears to also be true for 2016.

Hi Beneficii,

Yeah, you're probably right. I mean, I know you have already done all this same research. I just don't like giving up on something like this for someone. My restrictions are different but medically I'm at about the same point in the process and I *know* how much it hurts.

So....California?

I was Googling around to see what all the options are out there to pay for the surgery. I dont know anything about it and was curious. I'm sure you have looked at everything online many times but I saw a page for an org that pays for it for people called the Jim Collins Foundation. I didn't read too much of it and even if I had it wouldn't do much good because I don't know your situation really, but I wanted to mention it to you in case it had never popped up in your browser searches and you might be able to get some help from them.

It's JimCollinsFoundation.org if you are interested and haven't seen it.

ETA: Here is the link to the page with the info about applying for a grant and the criteria etc. https://jimcollinsfoundation.org/apply/

I am sorry you are feeling so down and resentful. It is very difficult to not have people close to us who understand and can listen to us, I get that. I feel so much the same most of the time.

What I have found that helps for me is joining a few Facebook groups related to the issues I have. Through that, I am able to read other people's stories who are similar and it helps me understand that what I am feeling is ok, that many have gone through that before and I get tips on how to make it better. In some groups I promote them and sometimes I write a bit about me, although not much. But it always helps me to feel that at least someone truly understands what I am going through.

I hope you are able to find someone who has been there or is there today to help you through this.

For the Jim Collins Foundation, you cannot apply again until next year, starting in April. They're unlikely to help, because they are so cash-strapped, it seems: Out of hundreds of applicants, they approve at most 3 or 4, with grants probably totaling not much more than $100,000 annually.

I dread having to move; I've never moved to another city on my own. My relatives are kinda supportive, but not very. I find discussions in transgender groups to be very unsatisfying and outside of talking with transgender people I get the sense that people don't really understand me or take me seriously. It's like the whole world, including my parents, my gay uncle, my grandmother, and everyone else, is just fine leaving me like this, even as denying me access for financial reasons is likely more costly than to have had the damn surgery done in Thailand, or something. I did blog about this issue with cost, because people think there is no cost at all to anyone for denying the funds for surgery:

http://beneficii.blogspot.com/2015/10/t ... enial.html

Basically, I MUST take steps on my own to try to get surgery. I MUST move to a state where surgery is covered on insurance, or I MUST work for a company whose insurance covers it, or something else. If I do not do it, then it will never come to me. It would be f*****g wishful thinking to think coverage would come any time soon to Tennessee, a state full of stupid f*****g hicks. Even if the proposed federal rule were implemented, it would probably take years in court before coverage were to finally come here. I hate having to move, but I've got no f*****g choice. If I must live out of my car, then I must live out of my car. If I must stay in some seedy place cuz I ain't got much money, then I must stay in some seedy place. I am f*****g tired of reading about other people getting surgery and I have been living under a dark cloud for several years with the knowledge that surgery would be very difficult to get without a whole lot of struggle because I just had to live in the POS country where it wasn't commonly covered. It's time to end it, or die!

Excellent blog post, 勇敢な女性. So few understand what it actually means to *need* to transition medically, and what happens when it is blocked and withheld.

The one that follows it, that details how TN has circumvented the spirit of the ACA's prohibition on trans health exclusions needs to be disseminated far and wide, especially to LGBT organizations that think they are helping when they post TN as covering trans health care (HRC: "Look what we did! Now, donate $$ to pay our salaries!").

I understand this, so very deeply:

So...incredibly perfect a description, 勇敢な女性, especially the groups and relatives thinking that because the status quo works just fine for them it is what should work for you, too.

A simple-seeming exercise a skilled therapist taught me: If you were to analyze the problem for someone else, someone just like you - but not you - and break it down into many tiny steps that could be solved one at a time...how would you go about moving? What are the biggest roadblocks to the first five steps, the ones that merely preparation to the preparation?

( I hope I got the kanji right. First try was, 女傑 ...which I ended up rechecking and now I *think* means 'Calamity Jane', a perfect descriptor for me, not you. Also, I'm really, really bad at languages.)

Edenthiel,

Thanks.

So I'm moving to Sacramento on 11/30 and will arrive on 12/04. Because of this, I am trying to establish a closer relationship with my uncle who lives there. Unfortunately, he doesn't make it easy.

Early this past week, I sent him an email detailing my travel plans and suggested in a friendly manner that we could meet up for dinner. No response.

On Thursday, I spoke with Covered California about getting a California health plan that starts 12/01 (as my Tennessee health plan will end on 11/30). They said that if I want to avoid a coverage gap, I must provide a California address before the start of December. They said I could use a relative's address or a PO box. I called my uncle when he would be home from work and asked him if I could use his address to sign up for California health coverage. It went to voicemail where I left a message. I assured him in the message that I would put down that I prefer email responses, so he doesn't get a lot of letters. No response.

I thought he'd say no, and I intended to follow up by asking if he could set up a PO box for me and I'd reimburse him. I hate the fact that there is no response, so it becomes some huge unknown.

To express solidarity and to strengthen our communication, I called him yesterday evening about the French attacks, but it rolled over to voicemail after 2 rings. I left a message. No response.

My uncle has had periods where he would ignore me in the past. What is going on? What can I do? It's very frusrating for my gay uncle, of all people, to give me the silent treatment. Does he hate me? Does he think I'm a ne'er-do-well who is just trying to mooch off him?

YOU ARE AMAZING!

(yes, I read about your uncle & I'm still organizing my thoughts)

Where will you be staying in Sacramento if not at your uncle's - you'd said your grandmother is in the Bay Area, right?

Also, I'm 90 minutes away in the Bay Area, born & raised here. PM me when you get a chance and I'll send you my email address.

Update: Okay, I've thought about your uncle. And I'm coming up with so many possibilities, very few of which have to do with him not liking you as a person. Most have to do with him being busy, not being good at returning messages, issues between him and his sibling/your parent. A few center around him not wanting to get too involved or become responsible for you. And then, what's his personality anyway? Has he ever been helpful/generous to anyone? Or maybe he has a different face to people out here vs. back East?