Going have to leave this site.

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Which is why I think he should talk to a psychologist or counselor and not people on this site. People like you are just making him worse.

I think it is pretty sad. Can we now whip up the masses to gang up on members we don't like and vote them off the island? That seems to be the case, I can think of a few people I dislike and I'm sure I'm on some people's lists as well. This site is very cliquish and seems to becoming increasingly so.

There is a weird strain of 'the power of positive thinking' cult here who don't like the 'bad vibes' certain members give off from their posts, why these people are here on a support forum is my real question and to punish somebody for posting on the support subforum of a support forum seems especially cruel. Some people just can't seem to stop themselves, they can't ignore, they have to engage, they have to prod, they can't let go, they want to provoke a response in order to manipulate its outcome.

But if they are prevented from doing this, how else will they be able to demonstrate their own moral superiority?

The thing is you can't convince someone to be more positive by saying negative things to them. If you already have the view that everything about you is wrong and you're not good enough, being told "you're too negative" is just throwing one more log on the fire. It's just adding one more negative thing on top of everything else.

I absolutely agree with those who believe Sly shouldn't have been banned.

But Sly, I believe, should listen to people who have experienced what he has experienced. And there are many people, including myself, who have experienced what he has experienced.

I used to throw tantrums at the drop of a hat. I used to get thrown out of classes all the time. Because I used to be mocked, teased, punched, bullied, etc. And I would react to all this, and I would give the other folks a really good show. Since these people were entertained, they felt the desire to continue to be entertained, so they continued mocking, teasing, punching, bullying, etc. me.

Yes, I repeated myself a few times--but I believe this is for emphasis.

After a few years of this, I decided that putting on a show was futile--so I decided, instead of being stubborn, to listen to those who are more experienced than me.

I'm not saying I should put these people on a pedestal. I'm saying that these people have experienced, previously, what I've experienced, so maybe I should listen them?

Sly is not a dangerous individual. I just feel he needs to listen to people who have experienced life, and experienced being mocked, teased, bullied, etc. At this point, he is JUST NOT LISTENING. He has his own ideas about things, and is not open to other ideas.

I feel, with Sly, that it's like "beating a dead horse" sometimes.

But he's not a bad guy. He has good intentions. He just has to open himself up a little bit, and NOT REACT WHEN PEOPLE SEEK FOR HIM TO PUT ON A SHOW.

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Sly has been repetitive but he's basically harmless. People who find him annoying should actually consider looking at themselves, too, sometimes. I learned recently of something called Remote-Influencing, related to Remote-Viewing, almost sounding like a protocol-version of how some groups form Prayer-Circles, and may be the only method available at this point of even having a "remote" chance (pun intended) for helping him.

His post to Fnord was sarcastic at worst. Calling it "libel" is ridiculous. Also, Fnord is one of those "old tough guy" types that regularly calls people "whiners" and "losers" and says disparaging things. He's only recently stopped being so blatant about it. I'm not at all surprised those two don't like each other. If this is libel, then ask for me to be banned.

Have you been on disability or been completely unable to work full time? I agree that Sly often exaggerates problems in a very black-and-white way, but I think there is truth to his difficulty that goes beyond a matter of being desperate. Just being poor is not so much of a problem, but not being employed full time when you don't have a physical disability is for many people. Many people will assume you are lazy, especially if you are male (due to gender roles which unfortunately still exist despite some people's denial). It doesn't matter if working full time makes you exhausted and miserable at the end of every single day to the point where you don't have the energy to have a social life or do much of anything. People will assume you are lazy because they would love to work less and don't understand how you are any different from them.

I think Sly needs the advice of a professional counselor who understands his needs and limitations better than people on this forum who are just doing a bunch of guess-work. If he is truly deeply depressed he is going to need a lot more than any boot-strapping type advice people here can offer him. He needs a professional. A lot of the things you are mentioning just come across as talking down from a pedestal and I can easily see how they aren't well received or trusted. He is not the same person you are, so it is a bit harder for him to convince himself he has hope by being compared to your experiences. I'm not dismissing what you've gone through, but you just can't know for sure. That's the problem.

From a purely objective point of view life is uncertain and a lot of things do come down to chance. If he really wants to find someone it's going to be a matter of casting a wider net (considering long-distance relationships) and trudging through lots of rejection. I just don't think he has the psychological strength to deal with that now. He really needs professional help first.

I like Sly quite a bit. I don't think I've ever seen him make anything close to a remark that should get him banned. I hope he can pull himself out of his depressive state, cause I know it's a lonely place to be and things can become very personal. I hope I keep seeing his posts here and I hope he can take a more positive turn in his life.

I've never assumed that Sly is lazy. Ever. On the contrary, I believe he is trying really hard within the situation within which he is living.

All I was writing about:

About the fact that Sly tends to overreact to people who seek to bait him. This overreaction manifests itself in seemingly "misogynist" or "libelous" or whatever posts. It's obvious that Sly is not misogynist, nor does he seek to libel anybody.

He also, like many posters stated, misinterprets people's intentions and people's ideas. He tends to generalize quite a bit. I believe he needs to experience actually hanging out with people in "real life."

I was conveying the fact that I used to do that. I used to "put on a show" for people who were baiting me.

Update:

He is alive and alright. He told me he was on his third and last warning. I like sly very much but he does need to learn that you can't be rude and mean because you are fustrated.

I have talked to him about letting his emotions get to him as sometimes he lashes out. With any luck it's only temporary and sly seems ok for the moment. He informed me he had a really yummy fudge cake and got some new shaving brushes which cheered him up.

Ahh, his addictions ... perfect remedy to help calm a little bit.

In an effort to maintain public relations, I'm currently allowing this thread to stand (for now).

Sly was given a temporary ban to cool-off and regroup. He hasn't been permanently banned, and I'm hoping it won't come to that. As for the rest of it, the moderators try and accommodate people with "issues," such as depression or anxiety, as much as we are able, but having "issues" is not a free pass to be rude, mean, or nasty to other members.

We've had to give the axe to other members who refused to rectify their behavior despite their depression/anxiety/whatever. It's not a very pleasant thing to have to do, but it's one of the burdens of being a moderator.

Sorry. I didn't accuse you of assuming Sly is lazy. I'm just talking about the assumptions people make in general towards people who are on disability for "non-physical" problems. I think this is a real difficulty when it comes to dating.


I don't think people are trying to bait him. It seems like some people think they can make him change by ridiculing him harshly when all that does is make him feel more like the victim. He's gotten more and more bitter as a result, which is exactly the opposite of what people intended. Maybe some people actually got triggered by his rants, but it seems like they are a small minority. Most people understand that his statements about "women who won't date me" aren't personally directed at anyone, so I don't understand all the harsh retaliatory posts.


I think he is being sarcastic and exaggerating sometimes. He knows things aren't as bleak or black-and-white as he words them. At least I would hope so. I think he would be better received if he was just honest about how he feels. He gets defensive and sarcastic because he feels like people are attacking him, and then people attack him for being defensive and sarcastic. It's a vicious cycle.

I want to help. He's a extremely negative person what I've seen here and posted here. I know people have limits..

I'm not the one who wants him banned if anything. I actually wish a mod would talk to him if anything.