how do you move on if unable to apologize?

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do you have an emoji in your collection that expresses you?

No, I would like one, though. Not sure what that emoji would look like.... Maybe a paddling or body boarding emoji, or, a hiking emoji. Or, an emoji making cakes or ice cream or confections, or playing guitar, or, a dia de los muertos emoji, or the like

mebbe this one?

not me, too much, but, it's kind of cute

That would represent me, too.

Britte: I am sad to hear this situation happened.

Hi auntblabby!! Long time no hear!! I had an episode, and needed to kick myself off of this site for about a year. Probably be good to do it again too. This place can suck you in like a big black hole.

On a different note...

When I get an overload of empathy for something I did, instead of apologizing, I prefer the truth. Or both. That is admitting that I can be a really big a**hole sometimes, even though I feel really bad about it.

Look in the mirror, and say "I'm really sorry that I am such an a**hole".

Reflective therapy. My idea.

good idea mee too.

In my view a true apology is foremost for the victim. It's not just reflective therapy neither a license to move on for the guilty one.

The aim of apology is in my opinion to give the person apologized their worth back. By apologizing you are making them visible, you are acknowledging their pain and their worth.

When I feel I've done wrong, I just want to apologize really, really badly and it doesn't matter at all whether the apology is accepted or not. It is not about me. The apology is for the person I hurt.

Let's say someone harasses and bullies someone seriously and for long. What could one word fix? Nothing. Even the sense of regret is nothing compared to the things the victim lost, sometimes for good. But that one word makes all that lost visible and acknowledged. It happened and was wrong.

The person apologizing is basically saying: "I didn't value your worth, but I see it now. I'd run my lines back and erase them if I could, but I can't. I took from you and I can't ever give it back. I stole from you your trust, happiness, self-worth etc. and all I can give back is one word." One word, what is that?

It's the truth. Truth is heavier than thousand lies and thus harder to carry.

I do agree and I had, indeed apologized, not for myself or any benefit of my own. I had hoped for an opportunity to apologize, further, and to let him know where I was wrong, so he would then feel understood, heard and validated. I now need to find my way out of my head, as I have learned, there is nothing further I can do. I continue to learn valuable lessons through having had this experience. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with me.

It is important to forgive yourself as well.

everyone forgets things as time goes by.
i mean.., i may have been insulted 20 years ago by someone, but i have no memory of it or concern about it.

i do not think anything i could say to anyone would injure their psychology to a degree that they never forget it, and it reduces the quality of the rest of their lives.

it may be the case that sometimes, people who feel very important (in their minds) may think that their slight faux pas or transgressions on another person are important enough to cause them permanent injury, and therefore experience unreasonable guilt, and the desire to apologize.

_____

Last edited by Britte on 06 Sep 2016, 7:06 am, edited 2 times in total.

(Quoted text deleted via request from poster who regrets its content)
ok i retire from this conversation and i apologize for any injury you incurred from it.

Locked via OP request.