I don't want be alone

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DataB4
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13 Sep 2016, 6:46 am

Uncle wrote:

I will sit and look at groups how they all get along and feel a happiness and sadness at the same time when i see two loving couples walk by besotted with each other while i sit there having a coffee on my own, not knowing if its ok to join the group in conversation, not knowing what to say to join group, whether i will be accepted into the conversation etc etc... I tend to let people come to me rather than the other way round as there have been times a group is having a lively discussion then i try to interject in a friendly manner and everyone goes quiet, leaving me feeling quit overwhelmed and sad for a number of reasons... I also get like this when watching a movie, especially when two couples see eye to eye at the end of a movie and they are able to put away their differences to actually SEE the person in front of them and to accept them for who they are... Just puts a lump in my throat every time..

I've had similar doubts and I'm very outgoing. Many times, I just do it anyway, even while I'm squirming uncomfortably inside, I'll just speak firmly, "Oh cool, I couldn't help but overhear you talk about XYZ, may I say something?" or just jump in, if it's a meetup situation where I'm already sitting at the table. I often sit between two conversations, participating in neither for a little bit, just listening. The awkward times definitely suck. "What's the worst that can happen?" is often my mantra in those sorts of situations, as I really don't believe that one false step will make or break me. In fact, the day of silence in the crowd would be more painful for me than a little blunder in etiquette.

racheypie666
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13 Sep 2016, 12:06 pm

hurtloam wrote:

I always put guys off. I don't know how to be open and encouraging. I don't know how to show more interest than I already do. I don't know why that isn't enough and feel like it'll happen again and again no matter how many men I meet because I'm just too trapped inside of myself and unable to express myself.

I honestly thought that would be more understood on an autism forum.

Hey Hurtloam, I can't offer you much in the way of practical advice, but I really do understand where you're coming from with not knowing how to express your interest in this guy effectively. When I meet someone it takes me quite a long time to realise if I feel romantic towards them, and then I feel very guilty because I don't know how show that emotion.

It sounds like you made a good start by inviting him to spend time with you etc., but is it possible that somewhere along the way you didn't pick up on when you were supposed to express affection? It sounds like he was into you (and you seem lovely!) so I wouldn't think it is some 'fault' with you personally; far more likely you missed a social/romantic cue that gave him the wrong impression. i.e. I am notoriously slow at realising somebody is into me, and by the time I realise they were trying to make a connection, I have already given them the impression that I'm not into them through my obliviousness. Mixed messages, even if you try to correct them later, can put a dampener on a relationship in my (admittedly limited) experience

hurtloam
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13 Sep 2016, 3:18 pm

Thanks Racheypie666 yes I always feel like I've missed the boat.

slw1990
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13 Sep 2016, 3:27 pm

hurtloam wrote:

Nothing ever happens. They seem to like me at first, but always find someone better.

I can relate to this.

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14 Sep 2016, 5:27 pm

Quote:

...is it possible that somewhere along the way you didn't pick up on when you were supposed to express affection? It sounds like he was into you (and you seem lovely!) so I wouldn't think it is some 'fault' with you personally; far more likely you missed a social/romantic cue that gave him the wrong impression

That kind of is a fault with me. I don't know how to do whatever it is other people do that moves the relationship forward.

I'm just feeling down today. That's another engaged friend on instagram. I don't know how they get guys to ask them out let alone propose to them.

RetroGamer87
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14 Sep 2016, 6:59 pm

I know this is hard for you. Hugs.

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beakybird
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14 Sep 2016, 7:02 pm

I wish I had something to add, but I really don;t. But I dont want to be alone either. At All.

smudge
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14 Sep 2016, 7:18 pm

I hear that Bee Gees song in my head everytime I see this thread.

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kraftiekortie
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14 Sep 2016, 7:23 pm

Which Bee Gees song?

My favorite is 1841 Mining Disaster (I think it's called that)---their first international hit.

smudge
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14 Sep 2016, 7:29 pm

Just, Alone. There's a line in it that goes, "...and I don't want to be alone".

I just experience that when I hear certain words or phrases - any line that's similar in a song will just play in my head.

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kraftiekortie
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14 Sep 2016, 7:31 pm

That happens to me, too.

When I see a fight, I always have the song "Reach out in the Darkness" by Friend and Lover in my head.

auntblabby
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14 Sep 2016, 7:36 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:

That happens to me, too. When I see a fight, I always have the song "Reach out in the Darkness" by Friend and Lover in my head.

what is sad about "friend and lover" is that soon after that song came out they were no longer friend and lover. or even friend.

kraftiekortie
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14 Sep 2016, 7:40 pm

That is a sad irony.

auntblabby
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14 Sep 2016, 8:03 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:

That is a sad irony.

yes, indeed. jim post and cathy conn[friend and lover] looked like a neat couple-

kraftiekortie
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14 Sep 2016, 8:04 pm

That's what I wish would happen when people get into an argument: call each other up and talk about it after you've calmed down.

auntblabby
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14 Sep 2016, 8:09 pm

they split in a huff and went their separate ways and broke up the band all at once.

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