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Shahunshah
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16 Dec 2016, 2:53 am

slw1990 wrote:
Shahunshah wrote:
Sounds like her behavior was kind of bullying. She was your roommate that is different. For many other people though you can escape from should they decide to go and do that behavior.

I guess in regards to feel tired getting a good amount of meals everyday may be helpful. I often sleep very little and that helps.


You can't really escape if it's someone you have to be around like at work or something though.

I might try going out to places alone more often. I do go to parks and a café alone for lunch sometimes, but they might not be the best places to meet people who I could relate to.

Sleeping less usually makes it worse for me. I've been trying to go to bed earlier since it takes me a while to fall asleep.
Have you thought about taking medication to help you sleep e.g. meletonin springs to mind.



slw1990
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16 Dec 2016, 7:39 pm

I feel like another reason I'm inexperienced with relationships is because I think I come off as really dumb to other people because I don't always know how to respond to people and I can be slow to figure some things out. I'm not really sure what I could do about this though because sometimes even when I sleep well and drink coffee I have this problem.



Shahunshah
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18 Dec 2016, 6:03 pm

slw1990 wrote:
I feel like another reason I'm inexperienced with relationships is because I think I come off as really dumb to other people because I don't always know how to respond to people and I can be slow to figure some things out. I'm not really sure what I could do about this though because sometimes even when I sleep well and drink coffee I have this problem.
Sometimes their is a difference between how you perceive yourself to be and how things are. I worry about not making sense, is that a valid thing to worry about? No.

How do you feel whilst interacting with people?



slw1990
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18 Dec 2016, 10:15 pm

Shahunshah wrote:
How do you feel whilst interacting with people?


It really depends on the situation. If it's a more structured interaction like something that's work related or helping someone then I usually feel confident. Sometimes when I explain something to people why I did something I feel like it gets misinterpreted as wanting validation though when I usually just want them to understand why I did something.

If it's something like small talk or banter then I have more trouble because I don't always know how to respond. I also sometimes have a monotone voice, but if I try to change it it doesn't sound right or feel natural to me so I usually stay monotone and sometimes try to smile more depending on the situation.

Not all of it's interacting with people though. I can also be clumsy.

I feel like some of these things effect the way people treat me and I feel like I get misinterpreted. I also want to change some of these things for myself.



Shahunshah
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19 Dec 2016, 3:02 am

slw1990 wrote:
Shahunshah wrote:
How do you feel whilst interacting with people?


It really depends on the situation. If it's a more structured interaction like something that's work related or helping someone then I usually feel confident. Sometimes when I explain something to people why I did something I feel like it gets misinterpreted as wanting validation though when I usually just want them to understand why I did something.

If it's something like small talk or banter then I have more trouble because I don't always know how to respond. I also sometimes have a monotone voice, but if I try to change it it doesn't sound right or feel natural to me so I usually stay monotone and sometimes try to smile more depending on the situation.

Not all of it's interacting with people though. I can also be clumsy.

I feel like some of these things effect the way people treat me and I feel like I get misinterpreted. I also want to change some of these things for myself.


Monotone might send the wrong message to some people. It could signify a lack of interest to some people. Though I guess a way you could deal with that would be to ask questions about what they are talking about and make a few comments related to what they are saying. This might show the person you are talking to you are interested. For me I spoke in monotone in a time when I was feeling socially unconfident and anxious not saying this is the case for you. A way to deal with this could be to be around people and become more confident around them.

In regards to being clumsy I think you may just have to forgive yourself for that. What do you think makes people sometimes misinterpret what you say?



slw1990
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22 Dec 2016, 2:19 pm

Shahunshah wrote:
What do you think makes people sometimes misinterpret what you say?


Sometimes people think that what I'm saying has a different meaning behind it. When I ask questions or explain something people seem to think that I'm looking for validation from them, but I'm usually wanting feed back or for them to understand why I did something. There's some people who also seem to think that I'm trying to argue with them when I ask them a question or when I try to explain something they think I'm getting defensive when I just want them to understand. I also feel like when I'm tired I may come off as either sad or submissive through my body language because of the way some people treat me.



Shahunshah
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22 Dec 2016, 10:47 pm

slw1990 wrote:
Shahunshah wrote:
What do you think makes people sometimes misinterpret what you say?


Sometimes people think that what I'm saying has a different meaning behind it. When I ask questions or explain something people seem to think that I'm looking for validation from them, but I'm usually wanting feed back or for them to understand why I did something. There's some people who also seem to think that I'm trying to argue with them when I ask them a question or when I try to explain something they think I'm getting defensive when I just want them to understand. I also feel like when I'm tired I may come off as either sad or submissive through my body language because of the way some people treat me.
Maybe I am wrong on this but maybe being direct might be helpful in this area. It shows to other person what you want and reduces the chance of them thinking you are hiding something because you come across as revealing your intentions to them.

What is it usually like when you try to explain yourself?

I feel as though people sometimes assume that when someone is tired and not energized much of the time they may feel as though that person is lacking in motivation and enjoyment. That might be one of the reasons people think that. You just shouldn't be afraid to correct them.



white_as_snow
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23 Dec 2016, 2:25 pm

slw1990 wrote:
It seems like the most important thing for getting into a relationship is to have good social skills and be extroverted and I'm neither. I'm 26 and I've never even cuddled or kissed anyone. I have so much trouble connecting with people and I feel misinterpreted by others a lot. I feel like other autistics I know learned how to connect enough to at least to form a relationship and I can't seem to get there. Guys don't seem to like me unless it's online and a lot of them just seem lonely and don't really like me. Then when I meet guys online it feels fake and unnatural and I almost never feel attracted to them. Guys anywhere irl rarely show interest. The few guys that seem to always like someone else more so finding love feels impossible. I don't think I come off as desperate or anything like that. I don't know what to do about it.


Maybe you should start to make the move? Some people have to do that. You can not just sit and wait for someone like that.



auntblabby
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23 Dec 2016, 2:28 pm

^^^^it seem like the OP has been saying that she simply can't figure out HOW to "make the move." gotta know how to do something before doing it. :idea:



slw1990
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23 Dec 2016, 9:18 pm

Shahunshah wrote:
Maybe I am wrong on this but maybe being direct might be helpful in this area. It shows to other person what you want and reduces the chance of them thinking you are hiding something because you come across as revealing your intentions to them.

What is it usually like when you try to explain yourself?

I feel as though people sometimes assume that when someone is tired and not energized much of the time they may feel as though that person is lacking in motivation and enjoyment. That might be one of the reasons people think that. You just shouldn't be afraid to correct them.


I feel like I am direct with my questions most of the time though. I usually want an honest answer or honest feed back, but it seems like most people think that there's a different meaning behind the question.

Usually I do it when I've made some kind of mistake or feel like I was misunderstood so then I would explain to the person why I did or said something. It's usually not a long explanation, but a short one

They don't usually say anything, but I notice a lot of people seem to pity me or act uncomfortable around me and it effects the way I get treated by others. I think it might be awkward to explain it to them when they haven't mentioned it.

Quote:
^^^^it seem like the OP has been saying that she simply can't figure out HOW to "make the move." gotta know how to do something before doing it. :idea:


Yes, I don't know how. I mean, I don't want to seem uninterested, but I don't want to be too forward or creepy either.

I noticed recently that a couple of guys irl might possibly be showing signs of interest, which is kind of unusual. I can't always tell if they are really interested or if they are just being friendly though and if I misinterpreted the situation I would end up looking desperate.



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23 Dec 2016, 9:20 pm

slw1990 wrote:
Yes, I don't know how. I mean, I don't want to seem uninterested, but I don't want to be too forward or creepy either. I noticed recently that a couple of guys irl might possibly be showing signs of interest, which is kind of unusual. I can't always tell if they are really interested or if they are just being friendly though and if I misinterpreted the situation I would end up looking desperate.


can you please tell us what these men have been saying to you and how [in some detail] they have been behaving around you?



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23 Dec 2016, 9:47 pm

auntblabby wrote:
can you please tell us what these men have been saying to you and how [in some detail] they have been behaving around you?


One of them was taking my order for lunch and then he randomly asked me what my favorite movie was. Then a few days later the same guy brought my coffee to me and usually they just call your name and you just get it yourself. Then when he gave me the coffee he was talking in an exaggerated deeper voice. He does seem very friendly and talkative to most people though.

Another that has been checking out my items at the grocery store a lot recently seems to look at me a lot, but I'm not sure if he's really looking at me or something behind me. He also helped me in the self checkout and when he checks me out or helps me he kind of has a shy smile and looks at me for a few seconds. I'm not sure if he does this to other customers or what it might mean.



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23 Dec 2016, 9:56 pm

slw1990 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
can you please tell us what these men have been saying to you and how [in some detail] they have been behaving around you?


One of them was taking my order for lunch and then he randomly asked me what my favorite movie was. Then a few days later the same guy brought my coffee to me and usually they just call your name and you just get it yourself. Then when he gave me the coffee he was talking in an exaggerated deeper voice. He does seem very friendly and talkative to most people though. Another that has been checking out my items at the grocery store a lot recently seems to look at me a lot, but I'm not sure if he's really looking at me or something behind me. He also helped me in the self checkout and when he checks me out or helps me he kind of has a shy smile and looks at me for a few seconds. I'm not sure if he does this to other customers or what it might mean.

IMHO those are dead giveaways that they want to get to know you better, otherwise they would not have bothered. I hope you do choose which one you like better and give them the same proportion of positive attention, reflected back upon them, ASAP before the interest fades.



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24 Dec 2016, 10:35 pm

auntblabby wrote:
slw1990 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
can you please tell us what these men have been saying to you and how [in some detail] they have been behaving around you?


One of them was taking my order for lunch and then he randomly asked me what my favorite movie was. Then a few days later the same guy brought my coffee to me and usually they just call your name and you just get it yourself. Then when he gave me the coffee he was talking in an exaggerated deeper voice. He does seem very friendly and talkative to most people though. Another that has been checking out my items at the grocery store a lot recently seems to look at me a lot, but I'm not sure if he's really looking at me or something behind me. He also helped me in the self checkout and when he checks me out or helps me he kind of has a shy smile and looks at me for a few seconds. I'm not sure if he does this to other customers or what it might mean.

IMHO those are dead giveaways that they want to get to know you better, otherwise they would not have bothered. I hope you do choose which one you like better and give them the same proportion of positive attention, reflected back upon them, ASAP before the interest fades.


How do you think those are giveaways? With the guy at the grocery store helping I think he happened to be there while I was doing self checkout. I want to give the right signals if they are, but I don't want to seem desperate or creepy either. I know I should probably take small steps and test things out, but I'm not sure how to go about it.



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25 Dec 2016, 12:09 am

slw1990 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
slw1990 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
can you please tell us what these men have been saying to you and how [in some detail] they have been behaving around you?


One of them was taking my order for lunch and then he randomly asked me what my favorite movie was. Then a few days later the same guy brought my coffee to me and usually they just call your name and you just get it yourself. Then when he gave me the coffee he was talking in an exaggerated deeper voice. He does seem very friendly and talkative to most people though. Another that has been checking out my items at the grocery store a lot recently seems to look at me a lot, but I'm not sure if he's really looking at me or something behind me. He also helped me in the self checkout and when he checks me out or helps me he kind of has a shy smile and looks at me for a few seconds. I'm not sure if he does this to other customers or what it might mean.

IMHO those are dead giveaways that they want to get to know you better, otherwise they would not have bothered. I hope you do choose which one you like better and give them the same proportion of positive attention, reflected back upon them, ASAP before the interest fades.


How do you think those are giveaways? With the guy at the grocery store helping I think he happened to be there while I was doing self checkout. I want to give the right signals if they are, but I don't want to seem desperate or creepy either. I know I should probably take small steps and test things out, but I'm not sure how to go about it.

if they pay you x amount of attention, pay them back x amount of attention, proportionately rewarding them for their attention to you. the guy speaking in a deeper voice is trying to express that he is worthy of you by dint of his masculinity. he would not have bothered if he was not attracted to you. the fella giving your coffee personal attention, was trying to get to know you better. these were major gestures, I hope you are able to reward at least one of them with a smile and a nod, at least. it is not so much the "right signals" as the right amount of signal.



slw1990
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25 Dec 2016, 4:18 am

auntblabby wrote:
if they pay you x amount of attention, pay them back x amount of attention, proportionately rewarding them for their attention to you. the guy speaking in a deeper voice is trying to express that he is worthy of you by dint of his masculinity. he would not have bothered if he was not attracted to you. the fella giving your coffee personal attention, was trying to get to know you better. these were major gestures, I hope you are able to reward at least one of them with a smile and a nod, at least. it is not so much the "right signals" as the right amount of signal.


That was the same guy. The other guy was in the second paragraph.

I hate to sound more negative, but I notice that usually when a guy seems to shows interest other women seem to try to compete and sometimes even bully. I don't really know how to stand up to bullies though so this makes me unattractive.

I also feel like one of the reasons why this happens is because I come off as not so smart because I don't always have much common sense and can be slow to figure some things out. I'm not really sure what to do about it. I started drinking coffee recently and it seems to help with that a little, but I still struggle. It seems like a lot of people talk to me like I'm really slow because of this.