Im so sick of life

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You're so right. Wouldn't it be really good to just go asleep and never ever wake up again? f**k the afterlife even if there is one, I wish I'd never existed, don't want to keep living in the aether, if only tardis's were real and I could have my entire existence erased. Sadly, I will have to settle for the eternal slumber, hopefully soon. If only it was the case that no one cared about me in the slightest, not even if I died a gruesome death right in front of their eyes....... PS no sympathy for me, won't do any good (unless it comes in the form of a bullet)

Hey ho you two. Try and look for the little things that are enjoyable in life. I like nature. Going for a walk makes me feel a little better whilst I'm out on the walk.

Find some funny videos on youtube, start reading a good book, draw a picture, visit a museum.

And come back and tell me what mundane but nice thing you found today.

If only it was that simple for me. I've tried all that (and still do). I'm glad to see you've perked up a bit. Don't worry about me, and I hope this won't drag you down. Like I said, no sympathy, y'all got your own struggles and mine and me don't matter, I'm just saying things I can't normally say, less attention saying it here to strangers than on farcebook where people who know me see it. Seriously, don't worry about me, not even if it happens

Oh no you're not getting off with it that easy. Seriously. Look for one thing today that makes you think, that's a good thing.

Could be a really good cup of coffee. Maybe it didn't rain today. You saw a really cute dog.

Actually those 2 things above are my good things for today. I made not 1 but 2 really good cups of coffee and I got my washing dried on the line without it raining.

It's actually good to vent out what you're thinking when you're feeling like this. I'm in a bad bind in my life: unemployed, living in a city full of bizarre and unfriendly people, relatives who don't listen, dealing with the crap in my community, worried about college and school, wanting to possibly go self-employed but live in a place with no real resources to do so. A lot of people have to vent. It helps to relieve stress, believe me!

It's 2 main things that get me down.

the first is my health. I'm always catching colds and feeling run down. There's things I want to do, but I'm too ill. It's rubbish.

The other is no matter what I do, where I go, what I change in life, no one will go out with me. I get really down feeling like there must be something very obviously wrong with me. I've been hurt by 2 guys over the past year and I just feel like I'm just never good enough.

Does it make you anxious, and even mad when you have to deal with everybody's stupidity? Knowing you, yourself, is also stupid to other people? I feel that way. And this happens every single day. It doesn't just happen once if you're a social butterfly, but many more times during the one day span.

I don't like going outside because I always get bothered by everybody. Asking me for cigarettes or change or just saying "bro!" I'm not your bro and I don't want to give you anything. Jeez.

Things are OK for me on the relatives and friends front, I suppose I have got a few things going for me, but I just get sick of sleeping problems (I can sleep but it's usually the worst routines imaginable), and having no job or money and not really being able to do much about it.

Just generally coping with not only having AS (and whatever other headfuckery condition I may have), but being aware that I'm not quite right upstairs makes it all 10x worse. I feel disgraceful for such self indulgence, I know the world doesn't revolve around me and that I'm not of greater importance or value, and I wouldn't want that to be the case either.

I never asked for my self hatred and depression in the first place. I do try to just "get on with it" but it's more than just a drag

I just wish I could have all the things that are considered the norm (and a few that aren't such as a successful music career), I don't need to be 'normal', I just wish I could be more useful.

Social wise, I could do with a bit more confidence and less oddment but I'm not that bothered tbh, it's not that I have that "hate society" chip on my shoulder, I don't hate any more than the average person and I don't get harassed by knob heads when I leave the house.

Being needy of friendship and company just isn't my style, nor is having many friends and being the popular centre of attention. I'm happy and grateful for the friends I have, when I'm not telling myself that I don't deserve them that is (as in they could do better)

Anyway, I don't wish to go on too long. I appreciate what youse have said, and I don't need to look far to see a cute dog, I live with one

Last edited by PBL187 on 13 Aug 2017, 4:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Gained a new perspective on things today.
Found out a friend of mine died yesterday ...
he was rich, super successful, and died young.
Wow.
Here he had it all, and he's gone now.

Meanwhile, I got up this morning,
it was a beautiful sunny day,
and I was able to enjoy a cup of tea,
a hard-boiled egg, yogurt and blueberries.
Wow, was I ever grateful.

The last thing I want is to be dead inside but it feels like I'm not far off that. I can't even just cry like a b***h to let it out and move on, I mean literally, not even when I feel like it. I do sorta enjoy things still but it doesn't feel the same. I've tried meds and therapy but it won't go away, this awful woe is me s**t. If I was any more broken I'd literally come apart at the seams. I don't want to die but I'd be better off, that's another sh***y miserable thought that I can't escape. It's not very fair I know but I never asked for it. Wasters for ya, doomed to fail and whine about it. There would be no point in telling me I'm not, no one else has got me feeling like this, it's all me, and it would be like water off a duck's back.

I want to believe everyone who says I'm not that bad but y'all don't see what I see, I don't even want to see it but I'm not gonna kid myself. The only useful thing I could ever do is be there and listen, cos if I can someone even a prick I don't particularly like and can't stand not feel the way I do then that's something. Doesn't exactly make up for the mess I've made of my life nor wasting most of it but still, no one and I mean no one should ever have to feel like this, well except perhaps me, it's OK when it happens to me

Hi
Sorry to hear about your loss.

Yeah, sorry to hear about your loss. Good on you for finding that new perspective

I think that loneliness is making me I'll. I just watched a video about how loneliness weakens your immune system.

I'm a mess. I can't seem to draw close to people. I want to be loved, but I'm not lovable enough. I've met loads of great guys, but they always overlook me and go for someone else instead.

I just feel like no matter how much I try to be a better person I'll never be good enough for anyone to love and I hate that about myself.

Easier said than done I know but maybe you should just think "f**k it" and "f**k them", and that although it would be nice, you don't need it, as long as you have friends and family who love you as you are. You should only try and be a better person for you're benefit, not anyone else's. Truth is, people are just out for what they can get, only interested when they are getting what they can out of ya and then will leave ya until they want something again and figure that people who let them before will do so again. That or they are so shallow it's a wonder they can breathe. Hopefully the person they deem to be "better looking" knocks them back or plays them at their own sh***y game

yeah. once you've seen enough, then that's it.
who cares about the rest?

life is a chore i know.
thinks just mount up and you have to expend energy to make them go back down.

you can not live without some sort of attention to the maintenance of your life.

that's a chore i agree.

but i am prepared to do it because i know i'll only ever be alive once, so whatever life brings me, i must endure and try to make it as long as possible.

then i will be dead forever and it's all over.

considering i will retain no memory of whatever i did in life, it is a bleak thought.

but, while i am alive i am here and doing.

only one chance in infinity to do that so i will make all i can of it.