The two stages of depression

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At the moment I'm doing neither. Doing either one makes me feel too scared. I've been feeling a lot better for the past couple of days by continuously thinking to myself "I'm not doing either one, I won't lose the money because I'm not doing either one".

Anyway, buying an apartment would entail moving and I hate moving. It would also mean a lot of paperwork.

I heard that I might be able to get the braces and/or surgury for a fraction of the cost through the public service. They might use less advanced titanium implants than what the private surgeon offers.

I'm not sure if me being an apartment was realistic. I had picked out a small cheap one in the city but then I realised that the mortgage payments would be about 1.5 times my current rent (more for a decent sized apartment in the city).

What this means is that I might have to continue living in the suburbs The suburbs feels like such a wasteland. If I want to do anything fun (or get to work) I have to go to the city. If I lived in the city it would all be there.

I was scared off by talk of 20% but then I found out with mortgage insurance I might only need a 10% deposit. If I go through with it it won't immediately change my life because my mortgage payments will be at least as much as my rent. There won't be a noticeable change in my finances for another 25 years. But in the long run rent seems like a complete waste of money.

I don't know, maybe I'll have to rent for my entire life but that means 1. I'll never own any assets and 2. I'll never be able to retire. If I have to pay rent I'll be working until the day I die.

I don't think I look that bad. Plenty of girls have said I look cute though the surgury would give me a bigger chin (which I like).

I'm not sure if it even matters. This year I've had two girlfriends, both of whom had awful personalities and very little common interest. Being with them was nearly like having a stranger with benefits.

I'm not saying they're bad but I just didn't mesh with either of them on a personality level. A good partner should be like a best friend as well as a lover and neither of those two felt like someone I'd be friends with. We just had nothing in common.

I've only had one girlfriend who possessed just the right kind of personality so that I'd have been good friends with her even if we hadn't been dating.

We got on like cheese and bacon but then I screwed it up and said some bad things I quickly regretted and now she's with another guy. My fault. All my fault.

I'll never have her back so why should I even bother with girls? After she left, my next two relationships were just based on sex but that gets boring pretty fast. I had nothing in common with them. I felt like I was alone even when I was with them. My next few girlfriends will probably be like that as well

You mentioned a degree? What sort of thing would u want to study? It’s probably good to work towards something otherwise u might regret it later???? If u have no kids and wife to think about maybe this is an opportunity of a lifetime? I have never regretted my mortgage even though it dwarfed me in the first few years.

I would study software engineering but I'm working between 8 and 12 hours per day for between 5 and 7 days per week. It would be very difficult for me for me to do a degree with this job.

Even if I limited myself to only working 40 hours per week, it would be difficult. Maybe I could do it. Maybe. But I'm scared that I'll fail. I'm scared that I'll be biting off more than I can chew. Maybe it's just fear.

While working full time I recently studied for and sat and passed an exam outside of work. It was not a university exam, it was for an industry certification but perhaps it proves I can study while working full time. The reason I chose to do it was because it was just one exam, less to commit too.

I guess if I can work 7 days per week than I can also work 5 days per week and study on the weekend but working 7 days per week makes me feel dog tired so 5 days of work with 2 days of study would have the same effect on me. I know this from the last time I tried. Two years ago I tried studying in a community college while working full time. I found it quite exhausting, even though I was only doing half of a full time course-load.

:evil:

You can do it! The trick is to get the past exam papers at the beginning of the semester normally from the library and just study those topics more often than not they just rotate the exact same questions from the last 5 years. Sometimes they give u the exact same paper! It’s only been this year I have actually started to go back and really understand stuff but it is slow work.

Maybe. When I was working and in community college the problem wasn't the exams, it was the assignments.

It was the assignments that took up most of my time. The exams only took up the time in the exam rooms because I didn't need to study for them. I just used the knowledge I'd gained from the assignments to pass them.

But completing those assignments while working full-time was very time consuming and very exhausting.

I had some difficulty combining work and community college but I'm worried that university would be much, much harder with a much higher workload. Would it be too much for me? It makes me so anxious!