Private Message That Turned Into Insults & The Like

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30 Nov 2017, 1:07 pm

You seem like a nice person, SaveFerris. I do not think this is an aspie thing. The others are right, these are not the actions of a friend, but this person is obviously suffering. Maybe feel some sympathy for them that they would be that depressed, insecure and lost in life in order for them to lash out like that, and are likely pushing away others too. It can’t be nice for them to be going through life like that. Then move on. It isn’t you, it’s them, but it doesn’t mean they are inherently bad. You just can’t help people who are like that, unless they’re willing (and able) to see a way out.

If you want to be there for them, then offer them that. Then you’ll know in your mind you did the best you could given their circumstances.

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Kiprobalhato
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30 Nov 2017, 1:15 pm

sounds way too familiar, really.

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kraftiekortie
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30 Nov 2017, 1:19 pm

Yep, Ferris.

People who have problems sometimes try to make them YOUR problem.

the_phoenix
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30 Nov 2017, 3:48 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:

Phoenix: Always emerges from the ashes prettier than before.

Thanks muchly, mefriend!
(And yes, I owe you a Private Message) ...

SaveFerris
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30 Nov 2017, 4:22 pm

smudge wrote:

I do have sympathy and I'm pretty sure they are not inherently bad , they just have issues. My GF has read all my messages and she can't see anything in my writing that I have been accused of and thinks this person writes between the lines ( something I struggle to read ) . I tried to point out what they were doing but they said I was projecting , they also said they felt better than they had ever been so clearly I was the one at fault. My last two messages were not exactly friendly and basically said go and pull someone else's strings. I suppose sometimes in this world there are types of people who can't be friends due to there issues.

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SaveFerris
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30 Nov 2017, 4:24 pm

Kiprobalhato wrote:

sounds way too familiar, really.

Oh! that's not cool. I hope it's not a growing trend.

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Raleigh
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30 Nov 2017, 10:37 pm

League_Girl wrote:

Raleigh wrote:

SaveFerris wrote:

Raleigh wrote:

Hmm.
I wonder if it was the same member who did it to me and quite a few others I know of on here?
It sounds very familiar.

what? There's a member here who does this regularly ? wtf ?

Yes, there is, unfortunately.
I hope you have not been too hurt by their behaviour.
I can only say the problem is with THEM and certainly not with you.

I wondered if you were talking about someone who I think I know but she hasn't been here in six years and your joined date is in 2014 so not her then since she was here before you and left before you came. Unless this isn't your first account.

Unless it's the same person in another guise.

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League_Girl
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01 Dec 2017, 10:05 am

Raleigh wrote:

League_Girl wrote:

Raleigh wrote:

SaveFerris wrote:

Raleigh wrote:

Hmm.
I wonder if it was the same member who did it to me and quite a few others I know of on here?
It sounds very familiar.

what? There's a member here who does this regularly ? wtf ?

Yes, there is, unfortunately.
I hope you have not been too hurt by their behaviour.
I can only say the problem is with THEM and certainly not with you.

Unless it's the same person in another guise.

Wow I wonder of she is back? Was it a she you had that problem with?

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League_Girl
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01 Dec 2017, 10:08 am

Temeraire wrote:

Mr Ferris,
You are struggling to get your head around lots of things at present including your diagnosis.
Please be kind to yourself and put yourself first as much as you can.
I know with a caring nature like yours this is difficult but you have stuff to deal with too.
You have many friends on here, I hope you know how much people appreciate you.
It's a blow when others suddenly turn on you and reject your kind hand of friendship.
I hope you can let go of the blame as you are a marvellous human being.
Self-compassion is paramount - give yourself some kindness.

SaveFerris did you get an autism diagnoses? I saw in your profile you put 'other autism specturm disorder.' What did they say?

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Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.

SaveFerris
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01 Dec 2017, 10:57 am

League_Girl wrote:

SaveFerris did you get an autism diagnoses? I saw in your profile you put 'other autism specturm disorder.' What did they say?

I haven't received my report and follow up appointment yet but the assessor on the day said I had autism. She was a bit rushed at the end so I couldn't ask many questions but I thought it strange to just say 'autism' not ASD ( same thing I suppose ? ) , I didn't know what to update my status as so chose other :roll:

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Temeraire
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01 Dec 2017, 11:37 am

SaveFerris wrote:

League_Girl wrote:

SaveFerris did you get an autism diagnoses? I saw in your profile you put 'other autism specturm disorder.' What did they say?

I had several meetings with the assessor and was told that we all come under the same umbrella term of ASD. They seem to have dropped a lot of the other descriptions. But this is the UK's way of doing things. It will be different in other countries. She said if I was assessed only a few years before I would have been classed as Aspergers. This was about 18 months ago and I don't know if things have changed again.

What I found odd was that there doesn't seem to be any support or follow up after this. We are left to wander around and find our own way through this process.

SaveFerris
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01 Dec 2017, 5:52 pm

Temeraire wrote:

What I found odd was that there doesn't seem to be any support or follow up after this. We are left to wander around and find our own way through this process.

My next appointment is with the Post-diagnostic Counselling Service which will discuss what has changed , how I feel , if I'm satisfied , what I've learned , how the assessment will be used and whether information about my assessment can or should be shared with others. They then say they will be 'putting one hand into another' - They will give me the information I need , and although support does not automatically follow diagnosis , they will try to link me to support services where I am living.

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Temeraire
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01 Dec 2017, 7:25 pm

SaveFerris wrote:

Temeraire wrote:

What I found odd was that there doesn't seem to be any support or follow up after this. We are left to wander around and find our own way through this process.

I hope you get that support if or when you want it.

SaveFerris
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02 Dec 2017, 12:43 pm

Temeraire wrote:

I hope you get that support if or when you want it.

I have no idea what support would be useful to me at my age , I also think my worse problems are my comorbids so addressing them would be a good start if possible.

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Temeraire
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02 Dec 2017, 12:49 pm

SaveFerris wrote:

Temeraire wrote:

I hope you get that support if or when you want it.

I have no idea what support would be useful to me at my age , I also think my worse problems are my comorbids so addressing them would be a good start if possible.

I think addressing what applies and what is personal is definitely the way forward.
I am back in therapy later this month. I can't wait.
Time to address my blocks and depression.
I have been avoiding this.

SaveFerris
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02 Dec 2017, 3:53 pm

Temeraire wrote:

SaveFerris wrote:

Temeraire wrote:

I hope you get that support if or when you want it.

I have no idea what support would be useful to me at my age , I also think my worse problems are my comorbids so addressing them would be a good start if possible.

Me too , I took a break because of my assessment. I'm not looking forward to going back but at least I'll be in a different headspace ( which I'm hoping will aid my therapy ). Good luck with your therapy dude

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