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Please will everybody stop staring at me???

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Joe90
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12 Mar 2018, 12:56 pm

Tequila wrote:
She's a TI. She's not being paranoid.


What's a TI?


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Joe90
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12 Mar 2018, 1:01 pm

I don't like being stared at by strangers though. I find it creepy and uncomfortable. Most people dislike being stared at, so what gives people the right to break the "do not stare" rule against me?
This is why I avoid going out unless I really have to. I just want to stay indoors and hide away from all those prying eyes.


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12 Mar 2018, 1:11 pm

What gives anyone the “right” to do anything? Basically, their ability to get away with it.


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Joe90
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12 Mar 2018, 1:20 pm

Spiderpig wrote:
What gives anyone the “right” to do anything? Basically, their ability to get away with it.


It's another reason why I hate having Asperger's or autism. Our whole lives we are being taught to tread carefully around NTs as not to hurt their feelings or creep them out, but it seems perfectly OK for our feelings to be trampled on or to make us feel uncomfortable. It really gets up my nose. I'm more of a "treat others how you like to be treated" type of person. So, for instance, I don't stare at others because I don't like being stared at myself.

What I have noticed, though, is that teenagers actually leave me alone now, where as about 5 years ago they would stare, giggle, shout out stupid things, and behave in other stupid ways when I was near. I still feel intimidated or anxious when passing a crowd of teenagers, but they still seem to ignore me and not show any signs of noticing anything "odd" about me. This makes me feel better, because generally most NT teenagers notice anything and would take any excuse to mock people. But these days, it's women aged between approximately 20 and 65 who seem to like making me feel self-conscious. Kids, old people, disabled people and foreign people generally leave me alone. I feel most anxious around kids though. Usually mothers with little kids don't stare at me though.


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Last edited by Joe90 on 12 Mar 2018, 1:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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12 Mar 2018, 1:42 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Today I keep catching other females staring at me, and it's getting me down. I was waiting at a bus stop with lots of other people in a town, and every b***h that walked by gawped at me like I had 2 heads. I checked myself in the mirror to see if I had anything on my face but I didn't, and my hair looked nice and kempt.

It's very rare that I make eye contact with strangers, because I avoid it, but I can still SEE their gaze in my periphery, and if I do glance up at them, I can tell that they were looking right at me even before I glanced at them, so I know I'm right.

I look presentable but I don't dress out of the ordinary, I'm just a trendy-casual person who prefers to blend into the background, and I look quite shy but not suspicious, so I'd have thought I would give off a "I prefer to not be stared at" expression. But people just stare without caring how I'm feeling. Why won't they stop? I don't look that weird! :roll: There's weirder people than me about who I even look at, like the woman who walked by looking very unkempt and was muttering to herself and seemed like a "threat". But I'm nowhere NEAR like that. I just look normal, like an average neurotypical. Even my family say I always look normal and nice, just like any normal 27-year-old female.

I've had to get my phone out to look distracted with, but I don't like getting my,phone out because of the risk of acid attacks. Ha - if my face WAS burnt off by acid then I don't think I would be stared at any more than I do with a normal face. :roll:


NT's spend an enormous amount of time checking each other out. To us, it's intrusive and impolite. To them, perfectly normal. Unfortunately, we attract their attention by not reading their social body language. We thus become more interesting to them and, possibly to be feared, because they don't understand anyone not like them. NT's react very badly to difference of any sort, particularly the more stupid NT's. Personally, I've learnt to pay no attention to them. A good trick is to look at a point above their eye line, without showing any facial expression.



Joe90
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12 Mar 2018, 1:50 pm

How do people know if another total stranger is reading their body language or not anyway?

So if I went out tomorrow and checked out everyone who passes me, it will be OK? I've often read on autism sites NOT to check strangers out or stare or judge them because it will freak them out or upset them.

But, like I said before, Aspies are expected to do everything by the book while NTs are allowed to treat us like s**t.


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SaveFerris
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12 Mar 2018, 2:00 pm

Isn't this a symptom of social anxiety Joe ?


https://themighty.com/2017/06/social-an ... s-staring/


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12 Mar 2018, 2:08 pm

Joe90 wrote:
How do people know if another total stranger is reading their body language or not anyway?

So if I went out tomorrow and checked out everyone who passes me, it will be OK? I've often read on autism sites NOT to check strangers out or stare or judge them because it will freak them out or upset them.

But, like I said before, Aspies are expected to do everything by the book while NTs are allowed to treat us like s**t.

No, it would not be OK to check everyone out. I find acting as if they are not there seems to work best.



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12 Mar 2018, 2:16 pm

If a three legged man walked past you down the street...of course you would turn around and stare at him.

It wouldn't even kick in that "you shouldn't stare at strangers" for the first few seconds of stare time, and then you would prolly consciously dispense with the taboo about staring and keep on staring at him.

Not saying that you look as freakish as a three legged man, but there must be something odd about you that causes curiosity, and or, disapproval, in adult ladies. Don't know what that thing is. Your hairstyle, or clothing, or something.

Ask a friend in the demographic in question (women in that age range) about how you look. Figure it out. Or just put up with it.



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12 Mar 2018, 2:28 pm

naturalplastic wrote:
If a three legged man walked past you down the street...of course you would turn around and stare at him.

It wouldn't even kick in that "you shouldn't stare at strangers" for the first few seconds of stare time, and then you would prolly consciously dispense with the taboo about staring and keep on staring at him.

Not saying that you look as freakish as a three legged man, but there must be something odd about you that causes curiosity, and or, disapproval, in adult ladies. Don't know what that thing is. Your hairstyle, or clothing, or something.

Ask a friend in the demographic in question (women in that age range) about how you look. Figure it out. Or just put up with it.
There is absolutely no chance she will get an honest answer if she does this.

I think the most likely thing (as someone else has put) that your body language, facial expressions, dress, behavour don't match up and this makes them curious because people like to pigeon hole people.


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Joe90
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12 Mar 2018, 2:47 pm

Ugh, I knew I'd get the "you're probably acting/dressing/looking weirder than you believe" responses. These put me off going out altogether. Everybody's different in their own way anyway, and not everybody has the same sense of fashion, and the only way you can really stand out in big busy places is if you are dressed completely weirdly, or are doing something really weird like dancing about weirdly, or if you look very unkempt or strange. But otherwise, being in an overpopulated country with all sorts of people of lots of different races, religion, backgrounds, etc, I didn't think it could be that easy to stand out or attract everybody's attention just by standing there doing nothing and looking presentable and kempt. What gives?


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12 Mar 2018, 3:23 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Ugh, I knew I'd get the "you're probably acting/dressing/looking weirder than you believe" responses. These put me off going out altogether. Everybody's different in their own way anyway, and not everybody has the same sense of fashion, and the only way you can really stand out in big busy places is if you are dressed completely weirdly, or are doing something really weird like dancing about weirdly, or if you look very unkempt or strange. But otherwise, being in an overpopulated country with all sorts of people of lots of different races, religion, backgrounds, etc, I didn't think it could be that easy to stand out or attract everybody's attention just by standing there doing nothing and looking presentable and kempt. What gives?


None of us are there, so none of us can really tell.

But you asked us "Why do folks stare at me", and we responded by telling you the most likely explanation. That being that you do something "wrong" (not value judgment wrong, but practical wrong)that you are not aware of.



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12 Mar 2018, 3:51 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Ugh, I knew I'd get the "you're probably acting/dressing/looking weirder than you believe" responses. These put me off going out altogether. Everybody's different in their own way anyway, and not everybody has the same sense of fashion, and the only way you can really stand out in big busy places is if you are dressed completely weirdly, or are doing something really weird like dancing about weirdly, or if you look very unkempt or strange. But otherwise, being in an overpopulated country with all sorts of people of lots of different races, religion, backgrounds, etc, I didn't think it could be that easy to stand out or attract everybody's attention just by standing there doing nothing and looking presentable and kempt. What gives?
That's not what I meant. I honestly don't think you would get many looks if you did look weird because there are so many different looks going on. I meant that something about you may be confusing them. People (I mean NT women) don't expect good looking people to go anywhere on there own for example. Do you wear expensive cloths but use public transport. Are your cloths TOWIE and your accent 'jolly hockey sticks' Maybe all the other women in your age in your area all have six kids and there trying to work out how you've managed to get a break from yours. I don't know, and even if I saw you I still probably wouldn't know because it's prob something I wouldn't even notice.


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Joe90
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12 Mar 2018, 4:04 pm

Well, NT women can mind their own business. The city I live in is too big to have rules like "ALL women of a certain age MUST have children with them otherwise they are classed as weird" or "all people going on buses MUST look poor otherwise they are classed as weird".

And Aspies say NTs are not black and white thinkers... :?


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12 Mar 2018, 4:16 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Well, NT women can mind their own business. The city I live in is too big to have rules like "ALL women of a certain age MUST have children with them otherwise they are classed as weird" or "all people going on buses MUST look poor otherwise they are classed as weird".

And Aspies say NTs are not black and white thinkers... :?
More like they are curious about you than think you are weird.I don't know, NT's make no sense to me.


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12 Mar 2018, 4:50 pm

If you’re supposed to look poor somewhere and you don’t, guess who’ll be any robber’s preferred target.


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