Is this right?

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Caz72
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30 Mar 2018, 7:28 pm

that would annoy me too i think i mean i'm prolly more autistic than you but i still know better than to invade someones space when neednt be.
i' m from the uk too and i'm a bus driver so i know what the top deck of a double decker bus looks like and the lay out is easy access like there are no steps or luggage rack or special seats required for disabled so unless there no avalable seats theres really no excuse really to invade your space when you were there first.

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Spiderpig
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30 Mar 2018, 7:34 pm

Just because others can afford to be jerks to you doesn’t mean you can afford to be a jerk to a random stranger. I’d especially avoid leaving my backpack next to someone unless I were actually planning to get rid of it and didn’t mind if they stole it.

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Joe90
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30 Mar 2018, 7:48 pm

Spiderpig wrote:

Well I know but some of the posts here make it sound like it's acceptable for NTs to be jerks to me, where as if I had done the same and posted about it here (perhaps asking here why the person I sat next to got up), then my actions would still be unacceptable.
Anyway, you said about the person I put my bag next to could steal my bag, what if I was a child snatcher or murderer and her putting her child next to me was putting the child at risk? What if I had grabbed the child and ran off the bus before anyone could react quick enough? Not that I would do such a thing, but it does happen around here.

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Spiderpig
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30 Mar 2018, 8:14 pm

Joe90 wrote:

Acceptable or unacceptable to whom? It’s not a matter of what is “acceptable”, but what’s in your best interest to do, regardless of what others do.

Joe90 wrote:

Anyway, you said about the person I put my bag next to could steal my bag, what if I was a child snatcher or murderer and her putting her child next to me was putting the child at risk? What if I had grabbed the child and ran off the bus before anyone could react quick enough? Not that I would do such a thing, but it does happen around here.

She decided to take that risk. I certainly wouldn’t in her shoes. Do you see any compelling reason to risk getting your bag stolen? You have to decide for yourself.

Joe90
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31 Mar 2018, 6:06 am

I'm not really going to do an experiment, but I'm just saying that some posters here seem to be on the woman's side, like whatever the situation is I'm always in the wrong. As an Aspie I do feel anxious with unexpected situations, so naturally I do emotionally overreact, and telling me to "get over myself" doesn't help at all.

I mean, what would you do if this situation happened to you? How would it make you feel? Annoyed? Confused? Overpowered?

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Spiderpig
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31 Mar 2018, 6:15 am

I’d be a little annoyed, but wouldn’t think much of it, because I’m already used to leaving seats at the first sign of trouble, and to not sitting down at all. I’d make a mental note to sit farther back next time.

LaetiBlabla
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31 Mar 2018, 7:03 am

Joe90 wrote:

OK so I was sitting on a bus, at the front on a double decker, just listening to my music, when some woman came up with a little kid and started to put the kid in the seat next to me and looked like she wanted me to move so she could sit where I was. There were other people on the bus too but there was still more than plenty of avaliable seats. I wish I stubbornly stayed where I sat, but I hate toddlers near me, so I got up and moved, and the woman just sat down in my seat without a thought, and I had to choose another seat. I know I could have said something but I am too polite and didn't want to make a scene. I wish I did though, because why should people get away with being f*****g a***holes?

I've been treated unfairly often, but I've never had somebody actually force me out of my seat on a bus before. I never seen it happen to anyone else either. f*****g b***h. I feel so f*****g angry. :evil:

She did not ask you to get up, why do you want to make a scene?

Joe90
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31 Mar 2018, 7:16 am

I didn't make a scene, and she non-verbally wanted me to get up.

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LaetiBlabla
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31 Mar 2018, 7:21 am

Joe90 wrote:

I didn't make a scene, and she non-verbally wanted me to get up.

she did not ask you, you decided to get up because YOU were annoyed by the kid

you did not make a scene but you consider it is a reason to make one

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31 Mar 2018, 7:27 am

Joe, the woman WAS totally in the wrong, don’t worry about it. She sounds a bit mental in the head, in all honesty. Like an obnoxious person you would get from the Jeremy Kyle show.

And yes, it isn’t only a social taboo, it’s plain rude to intimidate someone that way, and it’s aggressive.

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Joe90
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31 Mar 2018, 7:28 am

Uh, we're going round and round in circles here. As I've said a million times already, THE SEATS BEHIND ME AND ALL AROUND ME WERE AVAILABLE SO IT WOULD HAVE MADE SENSE FOR THE WOMAN TO AUTOMATICALLY JUST TAKE ONE OF THOSE SEATS WITH HER CHILD RATHER THAN PUTTING THE BABY NEXT TO A STRANGER, I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS ODD THAT'S ALL, AND I THINK ANYONE WOULD FEEL THE SAME.

Good grief.

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Last edited by Joe90 on 31 Mar 2018, 7:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

Joe90
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31 Mar 2018, 7:29 am

smudge wrote:

Thank you. A decent comment at last.

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LaetiBlabla
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31 Mar 2018, 7:49 am

Joe90 wrote:

smudge wrote:

Thank you. A decent comment at last.

Joe90, you always despise all what is not the response you expect. Then why do you ask questions, tell me?

traven
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31 Mar 2018, 8:05 am

most people have no logic, or you can wonder a lot, maybe its asd to assume others have logic or the same logic

wherever i stand in a line there seems a spontanious highway to open in front of me, so or i pull back several times, try slightly amused, or get stressed and possibly break the 'social' agreement

or, how you are is reflected, if you're stressed already you get more,
and if you're stressed already it gets harder to handle any unexpected thing that occurs

finding faults often reflects also not dealing with actual stress you should rather be dealing with,
'clean your room', or head, before you leave your house is one way of being more relaxed when out

relying those happenings to some funny or wise insight, instead of ruminating on the negativity might help too

kraftiekortie
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31 Mar 2018, 4:22 pm

I believe you were in the right, Joe.

I just feel that you shouldn't let this stuff ruin your day. It's just not worth all the headaches.

BeaArthur
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31 Mar 2018, 5:56 pm

Joe90 wrote:

I mean, what would you do if this situation happened to you? How would it make you feel? Annoyed? Confused? Overpowered?

I would look out the window and listen to my music. Possibly, I would say hello to the child and ask what its name was. I might smile at the mother.

Now I am not saying these are the only "right" responses. Because I have been a mother myself, sometimes at the end of my rope, I am able to feel empathy for the social awkwardness of the mother in this situation. I sincerely do not believe she went out of her way to offend you. She was probably wrapped up in her own struggles.

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