Can I blame my mother?

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This whole thread has been weird because its feels like there's a group of NTs talking to an NT. You're all trying to act like life is so simple when that's far from fact. When has an abusive relationship ever been so easy to break free from? Upon that, you're all making him seem like a failure for not standing up to his Mother when MOST people struggle to do that.

I saw someone say the OP was projecting when it seemed like that was exactly what they were doing. I actually see this often on WP, one person saying someone else is projecting when they in fact are the ones either projecting or not being able to handle criticism.

Also getting social services involved is not always appealing for those who do not do well with strangers, so once again politely and sensitively suggesting something is better than acting like logic does not take into account emotion

@ OP I know how you feel. It's taken 2-3 years to stop relying on my mother and to fully see her patterns of manipulation and how to curtail them. Once you know the sources of your anxieties and fears things become easier to tackle, so acknowledging your mother's affect on your life is necessary. Being honest about your life makes it easier to navigate, so don't be scared to do that no matter who gets offended.

I’m the first one who said something sounds fishy if he doesn’t even know if he’s receiving as benefits or not and what amount etc. She may not be the right person to handle his finances.

I was just pointing out that just because he’s a working adult doesn’t mean he doesn’t need a legal guardian. We have no idea what his functioning level or capabilties are.

_________________
No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

I grew up alone with a mentally ill mom on welfare, who was both physically and emotionally abusive. Getting encouragement was the least of my worries. Yet I don't sit here and say "poor me" and rob myself the opportunity of becoming successful in life. One has to draw a line at some point and say, whatever goes right or wrong is on me.

Both of your parents are doctors, who have stayed together all your life. I would have killed to have that kind of stability growing up.

MOD EDIT DUE TO REPORTED PERSONAL ATTACKS

Yeah, I see that discrepancy (2 MDs vs 4 redneck husbands?) and think someone is mixing up two people. Meanwhile Marknis hasn't posted in a while.

I relate to this. I know the harmful impact a manipulative mum may have on your life. When you are a child you think the behaviour of your mum is "normal" and may not be negative because your mum is the one supposed to care the most for you. Sometimes it is not the case. Hence, it takes time to understand that your mother is a manipulator.

The thing is that, for many years, before understanding, you have also "adapted" your personality and behaviours in order to survive to the manipulative behaviour of your mum. Hence you are becoming the perfect prey for all manipulators... hence you will attract them, this is the long term effect.

But now you spotted the manipulation. Congratulations.
1. I can only encourage you to learn more about manipulators (not with anger but simply to know more about it). There are a lot of kinds of manipulators, and manipulation techniques. The earliest you spot them in the others, the quicker you will be able to protect yourself against this poison. An easy and quick way to spot a manipulator is that the mouth is moving (a lot) and you feel bad, you don't know why.

2. Solution (with your mother or other manipulators)
- keep your distance as much as you can, from her and from her close relatives (because manipulators use people you know both in common to manipulate you).
- don't let them come across your plans, follow what you want, concentrate on yourself. This will take you energy because they always want to be the center of attention, play with your emotions, make you feel guilty, etc. but it worth it, you worth it.

I have cut the bridges with my mum and her close relatives. It seemed to me crazy at first because you only have one mum, one family, don't you?

You know what, I feel so much better without a mum than with that manipulative mother

Now I live my life and I am creating my life without any disturbance

I feel like Mark should try college again----this time, without preconceived notions. With a clean slate.

And stick at the library, too.

Come up with a plan to stay with his parents, while saving up for an apartment or a house elsewhere. Pay the parents a little something per month, and cook your own food.

Mark must be doing SOMETHING right to be able to stick at the library as long as he has.

And make occasional forays into Austin, making sure the alternator is fixed in his car.