Wishing I was a different Mark

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Libraries tend to suck in that regard. I work in one as a part-time job.

Thats exactly how I felt about work when I worked. I thought it was a prison. I was also very axiouse and depressed when I worked. Now that Im on disability and I dont work I feel completely calm and at peace. The only thing now is its boring and hard to find things to fill the day.

What did you used to do, Sarah?

You're self aware of what you've mentioned.
This puts you in a better position than most to reinvent yourself.

Ever thought of changing your last name? Perhaps new internet handles, as a means of channelling this new you?
The only thing holding back the new you, is the old you
You talk like the old you, but it's only because you dwell on that person.
It isn't necessarily who you are now, or who you will be.

Mark I have a very hard time being positive. You are not the only one going through the problems you have. You are a very smart guy with a great job and have made it far in life. You are not a low-life and you are not a terrible human being. You have a lot going for you.

It's nothing against you but I honestly don't enjoy being told I have a lot going for me. An ex-friend told me that so that's partly why I don't like that phrase. The phrase also seems to imply it should be leading me somewhere but I don't feel like I am going anywhere. I work a dead end job and being drug and alcohol free hasn't translated to friends or girlfriends due to the backwards culture I live in.



I sometimes do but I have to do it way in advance because once I am scheduled to come in, I am trapped. I actually get paid vacation and I hardly miss work but that's because I've been stuck in a vicious cycle for so long.

Well, it sounds to me you need something to look forward to. Short term, that could be taking that vacation time, even if you do have to pre-schedule quite a while. Longer term, you could explore other jobs that might offer greater growth potential or at least a change of scene.

Your therapist can help you with these actions. It doesn't have to be immediate, but I'd like to see you finding some sort of future for yourself.

I have a cousin who briefly taught English in Japan and I feel like I should've gotten that job instead. He's currently a cop and that's only because he wanted a job where he could legally shoot someone instead of having a zeal for justice.

I'm already struggling with turning 30 so my future is looking bleaker all the time.

I'd have to agree on Sweetleaf on this.

The Past is the Past. And should be relegated to the Past.

The other Marks that you envy, might not be as awesome as you think

There is a limit to how well you can know someone

You must struggle to change your life if your not happy with it. ( I should take my own advice. Im terrified to get a boyfriend but I want one) There must be some sort of hope for you. You have a lot of potential. Wish I could say the same thing of myself.

I worked mostly retail and fast food resturant jobs and I was miserable. I volunteered once. Didnt like it much but it wasnt as bad as working.

Some people live better lives than you

Some people live worse lives than you

Worry less about them

Please spend more energy worrying more about yourself

Well, yeah. I don't know them personally and they don't reveal a whole lot about their personal lives in the interviews I've read with them. I just wish I had the special talents they have.

Let's explore that. If you had those special talents, how would your life be different?

"If I had a real talent at making music, then ____________________________."

or

"If I were a gifted artist, then _________________________________."

Fill in the blanks. Just remember, though, a lot of very talented musicians, artists, and writers have committed suicide, convinced their lives amounted to nothing.