Panic attacks.

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You as well, rest up; I haven't done anything else all day.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

I'm with you cberg. I'm awake nearly 24/7 with Complex PTSD.
Hugs from afar.

Hugs freak me out but they're appreciated nonetheless.

The weird thing is that I have no official diagnosis, I just know this from experience. I'm avoiding doing much of anything about it because the only part of any hospital I've been allowed into in years was psych wards. I asked for all kinds of routine stuff but I was told my head is the entire problem. 'Mental health practitioners' are erroneously convinced that the brain is distinct from the body; all I do is holistic stuff because I don't know of anything safer.

Perhaps they're in no rush to diagnose this because they know they're behind the curve about treating it.

I know what's going on with me but all I got for it was a diagnosis of a 'marijuana use disorder' Most doctors couldn't care less about the reasons for that because they can't profit from it directly. At least I did just managed to take some non-crazy pills before the crazy pills & passing out bit. I think I'll throw the spaghetti at the wall, take all relevant pills/herbs and see if it helps a bit.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

I'm not a hugger either. I suppose it's a figure of speech. I'll wave from afar because that's easier for us both.

I've only found one practitioner who knows anything about PTSD, or can do anything remotely sensible to help. He's my trauma psychologist. He worked with Holocaust victims (and was one himself, actually), so he gets it. Everyone else has been a waste of space. I get where you're coming from and I'm sorry you are in the same frustrated place I'm in.

Waves. Thanks for the music. Those droplets -- I don't know if I hate them or love them but they're mesmerising. I like the background as it soothes an old nightmare of mine.

I hope you sleep.

I'm not really averse to human contact as much as I am towards my innate responses to it. I need to tell my psychiatrist that I can't make myself trust medications; they're not any kind of permanent solution to anything, and their availability is so controlled by industry that I'd never be able to afford them if my family weren't pressuring me to take them. For that matter they're also habit forming, which exacerbates pretty much any other medical problem.

Like Serpentari said, I'll probably wait until I'm really tired before getting to bed so as to avoid the whole arduous process of it.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

That's me. I don't even try until dawn.

Good luck.

In that case here's a list of stuff I take to get to sleep:

Melatonin (the default)
Skullcap
Siberian ginseng (eleuthero)
Valerian
Cannabis indica (particularly CBD extracts)
Oatstraw
Lavender
There's probably more I'm forgetting.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

I've appreciated propranolol more than probably any other med I've taken but the side effects were too much for me. I may be missing some marbles but I'm still an adrenaline junkie. I've told doctors hundreds of times that I don't feel safe taking their drugs because they make it harder to get out & do what was normal for me before. I want all my physical & metabolic faculties as close as possible to natural levels as I can get.

I've been a lazy reader ever since starting pharmaceuticals. I have an awesome cat though. I'd be locked up for sure without her.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Thanks for reminding me to inhale some ganja. I'm well aware it's not everyone's cup of tea, but I enjoy it with tea. There's so little dopamine in my head under normal conditions that I'm kind of a zombie until I can light up with some friends. I'm finally feeling like actually going to sleep but I know I need to wait out the barrage of invisible 'triggers', I'm a believer in the collective unconscious but I know I can only be a part of that when I'm reconciled with reality.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Yeah, pretty much anything that actually stops depression would just cause more of it for me; when I can I put a lot of energy into fitness & spending time in the mountains here.

I'm hoping when I make enough money I can move out of suburbia to somewhere WAY quieter, ironically so I can host ridiculous parties again. I've been like this so long I'm not actually sure if I'm an introvert or extrovert. I'm full of contradictions, most of my time is spent around technology but I'm not one to communicate through it because I know everyone sees it as a mask & I've been trying to get rid of mine for years. My social life runs at a snail's pace but I find people invaluable anyway. I'm grasping at straws to find better ways of articulating this state of being to my friends.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

back at u. and hello Isabella, meeting another person with same problems somewhat does make it easier, at least for me. i've been diagnosed with "astenic depression", while my ptsd was overlooked. im dealing with it myself, as i can, with dubious success. dont need to describe what it feels like, the 2 of u have enough urselves. lets say with a LOT of self-digging and help of people, who dont have to actually be medics at all, but have to have a few fucktons of patience and tolerance, some of that s**t can be subsided. decreasing magnitude of triggers. making the "get out of that pit" a bit easier. we on redshift dont give much f**k to conventional tactics, we use whatever and however works. picking each other up with whatever means each of us can think of. sometimes we make mistakes. i found out the very hard way, that even other ptsd cases can totally not f*****g get it sometimes. to meds, not doing that any more. soft s**t doesnt work f**k on me, and hard s**t f***s me up and over. got a special trigger of few just for that. yesterday there was a hope i'd manage 1 day without meltdowns and ptsd outbreaks. like f**k, somebody just had to break the count xD sorry, im talking too much about myself. and too many swears, sorry. guess im still coming down after last round and theres more to come. there is allways more. but what im trying to express here, we can help each other, more than any f*****g shrink, if we just well, do try. we are not good guys over there, we are just broken, f****d up individuals who band togather and lean on each other to be able to see another day. that nest of angry music and bad behaviour can hold more people, and everybody is welcome with all their problems))) (hope mods dont consider me advertizing here xd)

Considering how messed up my life story is, the patience & tolerance you mentioned never cease to amaze me. I have no idea what I'm going to do but I do know something about who cares about me, even if we aren't always comfortable with that.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

ya that feeling, ukno? for one its nice to relate and be related for. but for 2, well, the cause is something both of us could do without xD AND for 3 sadly, sometimes ptsd separates its victims more horribly than anything else...