How do I learn not to take pity on strangers?

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ironpony
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16 Mar 2019, 1:02 pm

Yeah I guess I just need to be more threatening and tell them to back off, and not be afraid of a violent confrontation if one is going to arise then?



serpentari
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16 Mar 2019, 1:12 pm

just dont start it ^^
any form of violence (verbal or not) should be responsive, not initiative.
thats the division between attack and defence ^^


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goldfish21
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16 Mar 2019, 2:05 pm

Just say No and stick to it. If you've given them money they should be grateful & appreciative, not greedy. Never give them more. Heck, at that point you likely regret giving them anything at all because you likely realize you've ben taken advantage of by a liar if their story has changed - all the more reason to stick to a No.

I sometimes give homeless panhandlers change, but only what I can afford to give away and not care about what they spend it on regardless of their story. For some I like to think they're actually honest and using it for food/shelter, but most are not and I accept that. Basically only give them what you can truly afford to give away And accept that they're likely buying drugs with it, but hope that they might buy something to eat or get out of the elements for a night.

Also, sometimes I'll ask if they're allergic to anything depending on what snacks I have with me and will offer them a protein bar or an apple or a bag of mixed nuts or something. More than 9 times out of 10 they accept and are very grateful - especially since protein is hard to come by for those on a $0 budget. Maybe you should make a point of carrying an extra small snack or two or a bottle of water or w/e so that when they ask for $ for food, you can offer them food directly instead. Just tell them "I don't carry cash in this bank card world, but I can offer you something to eat." If they're truly hungry, have no allergies to what it is, and can chew/digest whatever it is, then they'll appreciate that as much or more as cash. If they grumble, chances are they were lying anyways & are just seeking cash for drugs. (I had one women grumble that she didn't have teeth to chew an apple and walk away.. if I were her I'd find a ziploc bag & smash that f****r into apple sauce! But I guess if she could solve problems she wouldn't be in her situation in the first place..)

Also, there have been times when I skip the whole charade of nonsense and just give them drugs or alcohol. (cannabis/beer) There have been times when I walk buy and some group of homeless people is hanging out and they'll have a sign, or verbally say, that they're just looking to get enough money for a joint/beer & if I happen to have one of those things in my pocket, I'll just reach into my pocket, pull one out, and make their day. Costs around $1.50 or so for a cheap can of beer & damn does it ever make some people just light up with happiness! 8)

So, there ya go.. from a very experienced very giving person who's also sometimes been defrauded by these types:

1.) Only give them what you can afford to & ASSUME they're lying about spending it on food. Sometimes for the few cents or dollar or whatever I give them, I just think "Well, if I were in his shoes I'd probably want to be high af on my drug of choice, too.. so, I hope he gets high tonight and at least has a moment of escapism peace."

2.) Carry extra food & tell them you don't have cash but can offer a bite to eat.


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nick007
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16 Mar 2019, 2:49 pm

I don't mind giving people money if we're at a bus stop/station & they ask for a couple bux to take a bus. The problem with me giving them money is that I buy bus passes for me & my girlfriend. I don't mind giving them a $1 or two if I actually have some but most of the time I just have #20s in my wallet & some cents in my change purse. I'll give them my bus pass if I only have a ride or two left & I have a new one in my wallet as well but I never get asked for bus money when that's the case. I'll give them the change in my change purse if they have some of the bus money but are just short.
I also don't mind giving people money to buy/fill/pick up prescriptions assuming they're only asking for a couple bux cuz they have Medicaid. I'll give them a $1 or two if I actually have any on me & I'll give them the change I have in my change purse if I don't have a couple $1s which I never do.
I also might give the salvation army money if I see them ringing their bell outside a shop around Christmas time. I'll just give them a $1 or two if I have any on me & the change in my change purse.
These are about the only situations in which I'll give people on the street money.


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DanielW
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16 Mar 2019, 4:12 pm

ironpony wrote:
serpentari wrote:
call the police. this is totally harassing.


Okay thanks, next time I will just threaten them with calling the police.


Don't threaten...just call



goldfish21
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16 Mar 2019, 4:29 pm

DanielW wrote:
ironpony wrote:
serpentari wrote:
call the police. this is totally harassing.


Okay thanks, next time I will just threaten them with calling the police.


Don't threaten...just call


Wtf? This is not an emergency nor a police matter. Just don't give them money. There's ZERO need to waste police resources because a panhandler is asking for change. Please do not waste 911 operators time, nor non-emergency police call centre employees'. This is not a police matter. Tying up the phone lines could mean delaying police response to an actual emergency or police matter. Do NOT be that person who makes a frivolous call or complaint! Just don't give them any money/tell them to f**k off & leave.


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serpentari
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17 Mar 2019, 12:30 am

goldfish, u had not read carefully. its not about those who ask, its about those, who demand and act dangerously...
the very topic from the start was exactly about the border between asking and mugging.


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sanity is a prison. insanity is doom. is there a third option, please?
beware the ire of the patient ones!
and if i walk away, who is gonna stay? i believe to make the world be a better place.


goldfish21
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17 Mar 2019, 5:51 am

serpentari wrote:
goldfish, u had not read carefully. its not about those who ask, its about those, who demand and act dangerously...
the very topic from the start was exactly about the border between asking and mugging.


Did you read the OP? :?

The panhandler wasn't violent and didn't threaten violence. They verbally persisted with their story and request for money. It's the OP who asked is s/he should threaten violence.

All the OP has to do is say No & turn and walk away. Done. No need to listen to them ramble or plead, just carry on with your day. And there's certainly no need to call the police because a beggar is begging. Complete waste of police resources.


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serpentari
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17 Mar 2019, 5:57 am

i did read. also i am disengaging from this argument.


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sanity is a prison. insanity is doom. is there a third option, please?
beware the ire of the patient ones!
and if i walk away, who is gonna stay? i believe to make the world be a better place.


goldfish21
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17 Mar 2019, 6:04 am

serpentari wrote:
i did read. also i am disengaging from this argument.


Did you comprehend it? :?

Good. Your advice isn't very good and is likely to get someone in trouble with the law for wasting police resources. Calling the police because a beggar is begging is a major overreaction to the situation at hand. All that's required is for people to say no, don't give them any money, and walk away. Done.


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serpentari
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17 Mar 2019, 6:14 am

u didnt read me OR the topicstarter very carefully, goldfish. which is why, i will not be bothered explaining. guardian demon, out.


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sanity is a prison. insanity is doom. is there a third option, please?
beware the ire of the patient ones!
and if i walk away, who is gonna stay? i believe to make the world be a better place.


goldfish21
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17 Mar 2019, 1:37 pm

serpentari wrote:
u didnt read me OR the topicstarter very carefully, goldfish. which is why, i will not be bothered explaining. guardian demon, out.


I went and re-read the OP after you asked if I had read it carefully. Did you? The OP did not mention any panhandlers getting violent, only themselves getting frustrated with their verbal persistence to the point that they wonder if they have to threaten the beggars with violence to get them to cease asking for money. That is not an emergency nor a police issue. The OP simply has to decide they're not giving them any more money nor any more of their time to listen to their BS story, say No, turn and walk away from them - simple as that.


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serpentari
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17 Mar 2019, 3:08 pm

it was specified somewhere midthread, goldfish. the case where they do get violent. and that was the case i was advising to call the police for. hellsake, u are very intelligent. well, maybe we all do miss things from time to time


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sanity is a prison. insanity is doom. is there a third option, please?
beware the ire of the patient ones!
and if i walk away, who is gonna stay? i believe to make the world be a better place.