I feel hopeless

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If you agree my situation is hopeless why even reply

Why even post it if you don’t believe you can, or are unwilling to, change?

Perhaps he's looking for some encouragement that he can change. Tough love works on some people and not on others. Pretty sh***y, to come to a place called "The Haven" on a site for people with a neural disorder and get berated for not making any changes. Changes are hard to make.

Sly needs to make some changes or he won't feel any better about his life, but I think what he's looking for is some encouragement.

Sly, I don't think you're hopeless.

Who berated him?

He’s been posting the same things for 5-6 years and getting the same good advice that he ignores. Others spending their time to encourage him need to know that he posts to seek sympathy only so they don’t get too invested in trying to make any sort of positive difference in someone’s life who is unwilling to make any changes.

Well you believe it's hopeless and you're allowed to post about it being hopeless, so why not?

And anyway I don't think your situation is hopeless, if you implement positive changes that will make you more attractive to women. That's my main point.

Not just you.


"Life" is empty and pointless for me too


And for a lot of different people


Some of them keep going

Changes I can’t make. I’m on disability for life until I die, that will never change. So I’ll never be more attractive to women even if I was a thin as a stick. Income and status matter to late to most women. Status is linked to income. If if I was handsome and thin it wouldn’t make a difference, there’s thin better looking men in here who due to their income don’t get dates either, so working out won’t help.

Is like telling someone with cancer their life isn’t hopeless it’s be better if they just didn’t have cancer, but they have cancer they can’t magically not have it.
If anyone can 100% prove without a doubt that getting fit would guarantee get me a gf maybe I’d try but it won’t it won’t change anything I’ll still be ugly and poor without a car.
No one has suggests any help that accepts I’m on disability and that won’t change. Any advice has to be to person who’s low income and that won’t change and how most women won’t even consider a low income man and ways to try to find someone dealing with that.
I wouldn’t offer advice to a paralyzed Person without first acknowledging their paralyzed and working the advice around that
So advice around get in shape and get a better job doesn’t work and isn’t useful advice.
Might as well tell me to learn to fly or walk on water.

People HAVE recovered from cancer even without medical help. It's rare but it's possible.

NO ONE has ever won by giving up, when you give up its a 100% failure rate.

Fact is, you have to not be lazy and take a chance. There is NO REWARD without RISK.

As it stands now, there are two options of doing things, the Hard and Lazy way that's easy in the short term but VERY painful on the long-term, or the Easy and Proactive way, which is hard on the short term but easy in the long term. if you take our advise, you wont care that you are alone because you will feel so good and will have so much ambition to pursue your goals that by proxy it will allow you to become the man you want for the lady you want.

But you keep taking the lazy way out, and why? It has ALWAYS made you miserable in the end. When has it NEVER made you miserable? Here we are giving you a proactive way to escape your misery. Why do you keep punishing yourself? Judging by what people are saying you have been stewing on your defeatism for some years on this website, yet like a dog that keeps returning to its vomit you don't seem to learn any lesson. Your soul is telling you not to trust your brain, the brain always wants the path of least resistance but the path of least resistance doesn't build character, it's full of other defeated people that have given up on life. Why would a women want that when she can get better? Why would she punish herself like that?

Why do you keeping choosing the hard route in life? You can sit around and wallow, or you can get moving, which one of these do you think women want? One will give you a gravitas that women will find irresistible, and you will have so much character and self-esteem that you won't really care that much about having a lady. The other will destroy your character and convince you that it is a lady that will fulfill you, but a woman can't create a man out of a boy, and women certainly don't want boys, YOU have to make the decision to transform yourself into a man, only then will women be interested in you.

Well that's all I'll say on the matter -- you already have the knowledge now. You know what needs to be done.



Trinity: Please Neo, you have to trust me.
Neo: Why?
Trinity: Because you have been down there, Neo. You know that road, you know EXACTLY where it ends. And I know that's not where you want to be.

Totally unfair, Sly is NOT lazy. He gets disability whether he works or not but he does work even though he doesn't like his job.

The problem is he doesn't see any realistic path to happiness ahead of him.

Agreed.

Changes you refuse to make. Thing is, you weren’t always on disability and used to work more hours. You weren’t always this out of shape, either. The thing about change is this: If things can get worse, then they can also get better. I know from personal experience. Things got Very Bad for me before I took decisive action to affect positive change and make them better. You are the only one in the world who has the power and control over doing something similar or yourself.

100% guaranteed getting into better physical health will increase your chances with women. It will also make you think clearer and feel better about yourself, too. That’s what exercise does & is why doctors even prescribe it to treat depression. You will never know these things via experiencing them until you do them and see for yourself.

The thing with women and physical fitness and money/status etc is that the fitter you are, the less money and status matter. The more out of shape you are, then you’d better have money and be able to be a provider/sugar daddy. When I see a morbidly obese biker with a young hot girlie by his side, it’s not because his chiseled physique makes her wet.. the automatic assumption in my, and everyone’s, mind is that he must have a lot of money and splashes it around on his girl(s) buying crap, drinks, drugs, cars etc. It’s the only likely way a guy in his health and fitness level can pull a Barbie doll lookin’ lady and he knows it.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, the fitter you are, the less that status or money count for s**t - women get turned on and want to jump your bones. Period. You think the women that are attracted to me know or care that after buying Christmas presents for all the kids in my life that I had 89 cents in my chequing account at the end of the year? Nope! Because when you’re in shape it’s completely irrelevant - and anyone, rich or poor, can look after their health and get themselves into pretty decent shape via diet and exercise. I haven’t paid one red cent towards a gym membership and the most expensive piece of exercise equipment I regularly use is a $40 pair of running shoes. Conor McGregor was on the dole (welfare) when he trained his heart out to become an MMA fighter. It doesn’t cost big $ to spend your time doing exercise and make healthy food choices. When people have a goal, they strive to reach it.

When people ask me why I work out I sometimes respond with “Because I like hooking up with 21 year olds and I don’t have a Million dollars.” It’s funny because it’s true. Same applies to heterosexuals.

I guarantee that if you were fitter you’d get more attention from women than you do. It works for 100% of the guys that put in the effort. Hell, if you or anyone else on this forum posted and said they’d just put in a solid effort for the last 1,000 days and had gotten themselves into pretty good shape and it’s gotten them the attention of a lady that they’d like to be able to take to dinner and a movie in hopes that a first date leads to a relationship but they just don’t have Any Money to take her out, I’d be the first to chip in and reward their effort with a cash donation towards said first date fund. The universe delivers like that, sly. People who are determined to do something will find a way to do it. People who refuse to even Try will find excuses not to even bother and then complain that they don’t get what they want. Well, no s**t, Sherlock, you didn’t even make an attempt to put any effort whatsoever into getting what you want so of course you can’t have it!

As for learning to fly and walking on water.. lemme tell ya; kiteboarding is fantastic! Also, fat people can do it, too. It’s about coordination and finesse, not being an Olympic athlete. The heavier kiters just use bigger kites and boards is all & they get on with flying and walking on water just fine. I think Jenn was around 350lbs when she started kiting. Anything is possible, sly.

Etc etc you’ve said all of these things and heard all of this feedback for years. Only you can decide if you’re going to take a long walk, eat a salad and some protein and drink a glass of water, or sit there and eat a chocolate cake and continue complaining that you’re not getting what you want out of life. The choice is yours and yours alone to make. If you choose good change and positive progress, you’ll have plenty of support and encouragement here from everyone, myself included. If you choose to continue with more of the same, please do us all a favour and limit your complaints to one or two threads instead of starting new ones over and over to voice the same complaints we’ve all heard before. It doesn’t do you or anyone else any good and it’s a whole lot easier to ignore just one or two threads.

Umm, if he isn’t lazy then how exactly did he get himself into the kind of physical condition that at 30 years old he’s unable to walk for 40 minutes at a time?

Not trying to be an a**hole here, honestly, but IMO these habits are the very definition of lazy.

I know some very overweight people who are Not lazy. One electrician on my job site must be 350-400lbs, but, he’s on his feet bending conduit and wiring up the building for 8h/day!

Sly’s posted saying that he cannot even walk for 40 minutes. At his age, that is the result of laziness compounded over a long period of time. Only sly can decide that he no longer wants to live that way and get himself into motion and overcome the lazy ways he’s set himself into.

Not being lazy isn't about being able to go certain distance or exercise for a certain length of time, it's about

doing things that you don't like doing in order to achieve something. Sly would do these things if he thought

that they would get him where he wants to go. At the moment he doesn't believe they will.

When I lost a lot of weight and got fitter it didn't magically solve my dating problems. It did give me a lot of

confidence, improve my moods, and make me feel significantly less helpless.

Even by your very different definition of not being lazy, sly is lazy. He’s said for years that he’s unwilling to do anything to get what he wants and is goalless with zero desire to achieve anything and seeks a partner that accepts that of him.

I do like how you’re another person here who’s felt better after exercising and said so. Sly, and others who don’t get enough exercise and feel terrible mentally for it, need to hear that from multiple people to know that it rings true for virtually every human who eta their body into motion.

1000 days of weightlifting is a long time to wait to start dating. That's three years. Plus weightlifting isn't as simple as "repeat these three or four exercises until you're big". It's extremely complicated and requires precise coordination to avoid injuring yourself, disciplined dieting to properly fuel your muscles while avoiding gaining fat, perfect sleep patterns to facilitate muscle restoration, competing with strangers for equipment at the gym, and lots of time.

I'm cursed with a slim frame. There is no way for me to ever look impressive. Weightlifting is an enormous amount of effort for incredibly slow results. Never mind the fact there are countless buff/fit guys that still get nowhere with women. Ever heard of gymcels?

Sly can at least lose the excess weight simply enough. I have to stay strong for work, so I can't afford to go into a calorie deficit to get rid of my stubborn belly fat. I need strong muscles.

Some people that can't walk have diseases that prevent walking

Some people are athletically lazy and vocationally workaholic

You can't measure "laziness"


However:





It does not matter if Sly is "lazy", because plenty of "lazy" people are married