Anxiety is killing me this week.

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its not a snark, cberg. short is getting triggered. pretty often, sadly. like from an attempt to cheer up. intense cptsd, i guess. i mean it happens to me a lot, too. so i kinda know how it feels. unlike ptsd, that has distinct visual/audial flashbacks with certain trigger, cptsd is more... tricky and obscure. triggers can multiply so fast u cant keep track. flashbacks are less distinct and when they start, u sometimes dont even realise it before u are totally out of control. like u dont see smth specific. u dont end up in a same place, or one of several. u see shadows. literally. indistinct things. and they kinda weave themselves into reality, attach to actual people around u, and u start mis-interpreting their motives, because u see somebody else, who hurt u, but like having shapshifted. u think this is the same s**t again with a different person. snapping out of that s**t is a hard-to-train skill. please go easy on short.

The definition of "worthless" is beside the point

My original post. I was trying to say that, when someone does something that has a negative impact on me, I think "at least they didn't exterminate me"

As in, look on the bright side

But looking on the bright side makes me anxious

My retail value has nothing to do with it





"Important" means "of great value", in the dictionary

It does not mean "of value"

Something could have a low value

Neither "worthless" nor "important"



A counselor had the nerve to tell me "you are important" . Jamie Adair, Berkeley city college. Did not even find me "important" enough, for her to say "excuse me" instead of "what".

"Actions speak louder than words "





Imagine a pie chart

Only so many things can be "important"

Each day only contains 24 hours


Limited resources

Well I applied to rent a house with my friends. I have no credit history, I'm always just working rather than spending because I never had a choice in the matter before. The economy seems very invested in keeping me poor. People older than me strongly believe I don't deserve the same pay for the same work.

People in this country really don't care if I have a home or not. House prices are all about gouging anybody like me. I was almost homeless once or twice before, I threw what I could in my car with no plans whatsoever. Affordable housing is a total joke in America.

I guess I should take the stress out on my bikes. I can make all this stuff happen but it's going to be extremely difficult.

_________________
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