What stops you from committing suicide?

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I wouldn't dare say this to my psychiatrist, but I've had suicidal "ideation" several times a week from the onset of puberty till now (age 55). Though I've made no serious attempt, I did in my younger days often intentionally put myself in hazardous situations in which my survival was a toss-up. I'm actually glad I haven't lived in the US for 18 years, as the legal and relatively painless recourse to a gun would make things far too easy.

But in answer to your question: For the past 12 years, my kids. I've had some very black, bitter times, but I'm not about to abandon and damage them.

Benjamin

A psychologist told me that he wanted to physically assault the president.

He acted like he wanted me to say "yeah I wanna perform likewise". And 5150

Baiting



Some counselors act like the correct answer to "how are you doing" is "perfect". All other answers are wrong and the punishment for a wrong answer is 5150



Having said that , if you have had suicidal ideation for as many years as you wrote, and have not taken action, then it doesn't sound like you are at risk of committing suicide right now


But I am just a stranger on the internet


Certainly the psychologist would send you to 5150

My Mum as she would fall to pieces, my Brothers and all my brothers children and God, as He has things for me to do. Also, my future wife. I don't have a clue who she is, but she would be so lonely without me being there. I know what it is to long for ones opposite half to come along, as I have been patiently waiting for most of my life.

There. If it wasn't for those reasons... I have actually partly tried two and a half times when I wasn't really thinking straight due to a combination of fatigue and an ex girlfriend who stopped dating without warning. I blamed myself. (I later found out she was dating others even when we were making plans to get married, which had come from her as I wanted to date a bit longer to be sure as she was my first girlfriend and it was a little more complicated then that. I was dating her for what seemed like ages. About four months. It was intense though I was saving sex for marriage. Then one day she had another solicitors appointment. I didn't know what was going on. I had called in when she was in the solicitors which to get there was an hours drive away if I drove quickly down all the windy mountainous roads (They often hold the car rallying in Wales on the exact roads). Her sister was there and I asked why a solicitor. She said "She is getting divorce". She saw my face in shock and said " Didn't you know she was married?" I was intending to end it there but I was so in love with her. So I decided to return and ask what had happened. She said they met (I once had seen the man as he was working where I was, and assumed he was her boyfriend as they kissed, and then she was with another, who funnily enough was texting and phoning her while we were dating as the poor guy had suddenly found she cut contact with her. He apologised to me later when he saw me as he was at a different depot. A nice young man. Well, she said her ex.husband left her six months into the marriage. Stupidly I continued dating as I assumed her ex. had been off with another.
Well. Her mum was very weird. Several times her mum asked me to come into her bedroom to see the new cupboards. I would look and... Well. To tell you the truth, I don't do hints and I don't really notice clothes. I mean... She was dressed in some flirty undergarments. She was covered up so I didn't say anything. Looked at the cupboards, and said something nice about them and went back downstairs. Then this happened again and I thought why does she want me to look at the cupboards. They are the same cupboards. She was wearing something different but not a lot. I said they were nice cupboards and went back downstairs. Then again after time had passed she asked me to look where I said "I have seen the cupboards before". I just didn't catch on until months after the gf had ceased all contact. Her dad was a lorry driver and so he was away for most of the week and her mum was just plain weird and ever their gran who lived with them was a little different though she seemed OK and kind.
Looking back. What an odd family! It was only looking back on all the goings on where I put the pieces together to get the jigsaw. And the gf had actually dated two people the same time as me and I just thought one was a lodger (She said that to me) and he was looking at me strangely when I hugged her while her grandmother, a dressmaker by trade was making a wedding dress for her to marry me when her devorce came through.
Didn't I have a lucky escape both from suicide (As I didn't know what was going on so was blaming myself as she ceased all contact and had not said it was over) and from her and her family!

I have simply learned over the years that rather than fight the suicidal ideation, it's often better for me to just let my imagination run with it. By the time I've finished procrastinating about the details, the thought has nearly always lost its potency. People are often shocked at how flippantly I talk about it sometimes; but those moments have become routine to me, and I find it works better to acknowledge them and let them pass naturally than to feed the monster. Like with my routines for eating, sleeping, etc., I've developed an "autopilot" that gets me through without having to have an existential struggle with myself every time.

However, I'm definitely not suggesting that this is the right approach for everybody. The mindfulness to accept that they are unwanted thoughts which I can dismiss by allowing fantasy to take the place of action was something I learned only after many years and after much counselling.

As SaveFerris said; ultimately the best treatment is to work out the issues which cause the ideation in the first place.

I do exactly the same with letting the ideation play out , I didn't want to say it as it can be a very very dangerous approach. So I'm glad you did , how irresponsible of you