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Younger cousin getting married

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The Grand Inquisitor
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18 Oct 2019, 11:19 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Isabella wasn’t talking about approaching women blindly.

She was talking about Mark speaking with women who are sitting at the same table as him at the wedding.

Well according to him, he likely won't get invited, but if he does, there's no reason why he shouldn't try that.



The Grand Inquisitor
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18 Oct 2019, 11:24 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
Isabella wasn’t talking about approaching women blindly.

She was talking about Mark speaking with women who are sitting at the same table as him at the wedding.


Exactly. I'm saying, talk to the people at the wedding. Talk to the cashier in the coffee shop. Talk to random people even if they are married. Actually, talking to married women would be great because he can "practise" having conversations, making small talk, getting to know people, and feeling comfortable chatting with women without having to wonder about dates. The more often this happens, the more prepared he will feel when he meets a potential partner.

TGI: I agree a coffee shop isn't a great idea, and I said that somewhere earlier. Most people who are alone have their face in a book or computer screen.

Ok, I think where the miscommunication here is coming from is where you say "talk to random people". I interpret that to mean talk to anyone in any context, whether or not it would generally be considered socially appropriate to do so, like talking to random people at coffee shops and that sort of thing, like Marknis seemed to be considering.



IsabellaLinton
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18 Oct 2019, 11:30 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Ok, I think where the miscommunication here is coming from is where you say "talk to random people". I interpret that to mean talk to anyone in any context, whether or not it would generally be considered socially appropriate to do so, like talking to random people at coffee shops and that sort of thing, like Marknis seemed to be considering.


You're right about the miscommunication. I didn't necessarily mean random women, out of the blue. There are times when that can happen with magical results like in the movies, but it's safer not to go that route on purpose. Of course women might be leery of any unfamiliar bloke chatting them up for no reason. What I really wish for Marknis is that he would find ways to pursue his own interests going to record shops, hanging out with his cousin, going to weddings, going to tutorials for his class ... whatever he can think of that he enjoys where there will be people to talk to. The more he tries this the easier conversations will become, because he'll know what to talk about.


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sly279
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18 Oct 2019, 11:35 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
You're not too old to be around women in their 20's. If anybody says that, they're out of their minds.

Most people seem to think it’s creepy.


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IsabellaLinton
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19 Oct 2019, 12:06 am

sly279 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
You're not too old to be around women in their 20's. If anybody says that, they're out of their minds.

Most people seem to think it’s creepy.


When I was 20 my boyfriend was 25. When I was 25 my next boyfriend was 37. It's not unusual.


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kraftiekortie
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19 Oct 2019, 7:01 am

I come in contact with a lot of people. Most don’t believe 30s hanging out with 20s, and romancing each other, is creepy.



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19 Oct 2019, 10:25 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
How have these "grannies" flirted with you?


They’ll say things like I am a “handsome young man” and rub their hands all over me.



kraftiekortie
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19 Oct 2019, 10:31 am

They’re mothering you.

You are like a son to them.

Maybe it’s subconsciously sexual...but they almost definitely don’t feel sexual in their minds.



SharonB
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19 Oct 2019, 12:54 pm

It was REALLY hard for me when my younger sister and and then children of my cousins were have children. Bluck. A decade later and I still get prickly thinking about my teenage niece and nephews, and my grand-cousins having more kids.



kraftiekortie
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19 Oct 2019, 3:47 pm

I mean CONSCIOUS minds.



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20 Oct 2019, 4:05 am

SharonB wrote:
It was REALLY hard for me when my younger sister and and then children of my cousins were have children. Bluck. A decade later and I still get prickly thinking about my teenage niece and nephews, and my grand-cousins having more kids.


I on the other hand remember being jealous of my cousin when he became an uncle at young age... my half sister is now 37, my older one 26 and I'm still not an aunt. :ninja:

But on the bright side, maybe I'll be the first one of us siblings to have kids of my own one day? :)



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20 Oct 2019, 10:43 am

I felt uncomfortable about my siblings having kids, but only because my parents seemed to pay more attention to my nieces and nephews than to my own kids.


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20 Oct 2019, 7:23 pm

Fireblossom wrote:
SharonB wrote:
It was REALLY hard for me when my younger sister and and then children of my cousins were have children. Bluck. A decade later and I still get prickly thinking about my teenage niece and nephews, and my grand-cousins having more kids.


I on the other hand remember being jealous of my cousin when he became an uncle at young age... my half sister is now 37, my older one 26 and I'm still not an aunt. :ninja:

But on the bright side, maybe I'll be the first one of us siblings to have kids of my own one day? :)


My mother actually didn’t want my siblings and I to have children of our own. She even said she would get all three of us vasectomies but never got any appointments for us. Since my older brother has brought four children into the world, she’s reveled in being a matriarch.

I don’t know if I will ever have children. I am not getting any younger and most women in my age range already have a boyfriend or are married and have children.



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21 Oct 2019, 4:15 am

Marknis wrote:
My mother actually didn’t want my siblings and I to have children of our own. She even said she would get all three of us vasectomies but never got any appointments for us. Since my older brother has brought four children into the world, she’s reveled in being a matriarch.

I don’t know if I will ever have children. I am not getting any younger and most women in my age range already have a boyfriend or are married and have children.


Pretty sure that the law forbids that kind of stuff without the person's own agreement anyway.

Would you want any, though? If not then there's no use wondering about it. And if you do, well, you're what, 31? You still have time, in theory lots of it since you're a man, but if you want a partner your own age, you still have about ten years left. Or well, more than that, but the chances of a woman getting pregnant after 40 are really low and it becomes a lot more dangerous as well, so it's usually not recommended. A partner that's younger by a few years isn't unusual either, so that would give you extra time when it comes to children.



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21 Oct 2019, 8:03 am

Marknis wrote:
I don’t know if I will ever have children. I am not getting any younger and most women in my age range already have a boyfriend or are married and have children.

Generally (not always of course) one grieves for not having their own bio-children (even my Aspie-like BFF who chose not to have children came to terms with that). Then if circumstances are such or one chooses, there are many successful blended families. Having fostered a child, my husband was surprised to discover that a child could be his "own" without a biological connection. (I knew b/c I love like that anyway.) I have a friend who dated a single mom and then married a divorced mom, and now has 4 children! (of his own, albeit met later in life)

Wishing you well for your journey.



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22 Oct 2019, 12:42 am

Fireblossom wrote:
Marknis wrote:
My mother actually didn’t want my siblings and I to have children of our own. She even said she would get all three of us vasectomies but never got any appointments for us. Since my older brother has brought four children into the world, she’s reveled in being a matriarch.

I don’t know if I will ever have children. I am not getting any younger and most women in my age range already have a boyfriend or are married and have children.


Pretty sure that the law forbids that kind of stuff without the person's own agreement anyway.

Would you want any, though? If not then there's no use wondering about it. And if you do, well, you're what, 31? You still have time, in theory lots of it since you're a man, but if you want a partner your own age, you still have about ten years left. Or well, more than that, but the chances of a woman getting pregnant after 40 are really low and it becomes a lot more dangerous as well, so it's usually not recommended. A partner that's younger by a few years isn't unusual either, so that would give you extra time when it comes to children.


Despite how she loves her grandchildren, my mother has claimed she wishes she “held down” my older brother and performed the operation herself even though she has no training in that field. But yes, it’s against the law to do it without the person’s agreement.

Personally, I have mixed feelings about it. I honestly do have irritability issues regarding children, even with my own nieces and nephews but I sometimes like the idea of being a father. I would be able to be around my siblings without feeling like the odd man out.

SharonB wrote:

Wishing you well for your journey.


I appreciate your well wishing. I just hate how my life doesn’t feel like a journey. I feel like I am at a crossroads but I keep going home instead of crossing.