Not much to say but too much to think about.

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I missed it if you've mentioned it, did you disclose at this workplace?

FYI - I received my ASD diagnosis today; I guess I can stay in the ASD support group; although last month they said I was welcome to regardless of diagnosis b/c I seemed "fit" (misfit). Now I need to consider if I would disclose. Ideally the workplace would be progressive and kind and I wouldn't need to - "accommodations" would be done in stride, for any individual...

I was hired by referral regarding my ASD, my company has a program supporting that but not in my building, it's actually at a subsidiary.

I have questions about that. May I PM or is there a previous post about it? Or I could ask on this post, but it would derail "not much to say" --- of course you could answer very briefly and that would be in line with your subject, but I would want to know more...

PM would be preferable considering I work at robotic Disneyland.

I lost way too many marbles lately to remember where those posts were but there's a thread on Microsoft's ASD related shenanigans somewhere here; having briefly worked for them under no such pretense I now make an OK living via my continued presence on the nets analyzing that company. I do work for a PC manufacturer but it wouldn't come to mind & my job is somewhat distinct from that anyway.

tl;dr I like code.

I'm working today but only on paper; I don't have any projects under my name for now. As much as I enjoy my job it's mentally exhausting & I don't know if 18 months of successful work will be enough for these people.

I'm hanging out with my cat today.

Happy "flex" day. (time off in exchange for time overworked)

I wasn't even ready to have any spare time, but for now there's basically nothing I need to do until my boss is done with a meeting. Even then I'm probably still ahead, it just feels weird.

It won't last anyway, I have lots of catching up to do since I'm working on a secondary testing project with some new software & commands.

I'm dragging my arse lately, just eating lunch at my desk is kind of a grind. I don't like working in the Trump economy.

I think there's a big stereotype out there saying that simply because I work in technology, my life must be so easy.

I'm not permanently employed right now. I'm wasting energy I could give to other people who know me thinking about how I'll survive 24/7. I'm thinking about how all of you may respond to code I might write in 5 years 24/7.

I'm honestly doing basically OK today but it's hard to tell why.

Put that mood in a bottle and take it out when needed - like a sourdough starter ------ that's the ticket.

I'm just too exhausted for that kind of stratagem to be working. There are people I really should stay in touch with who've disappeared. Or it was me disappearing.

Honestly I've been alone so much in the past couple of years that I don't even know what to think about it anymore. Blaming it on myself only makes me less agreeable towards others & blaming them is only worse. There's seemingly no point in reaching out or finding out why I'm being ignored/forgotten. Maybe it's for the best that I'm segregated away.

I guess I can only sustain a constant, months-long panic attack about my employment instead of behaving like a human again. I miss people, I really love people but it's probably all pointless where I'm concerned. People are glad to have me gone.

I'm kind of afraid of becoming too shy to have any friends anymore.

I have had periods of sociability and periods of great isolation. Each has its perks and distress. For me, I think I had to experience both to figure out what it was that was best for me. I am unable to "remember" in my guts how either feels and so have to experience it and then take note of it and then make sure I remember.

I wonder if possibly you might also just be not able to remember how it feels to relate to people and that it will come around again.

I don't think you have it easy just because you can code. But I can see how some people might because you are living independently and working and those are some big accomplishments for aspies even if they happen to also require hard work.

I guess I'm trying (& currently failing) to construct a set of common threads between these states of being for myself.

I'm not aware of anything I can do on my side.

Maybe what's driving me nuts is that's there's pressure to conform again. And again and again. I don't even remember if I posted this paragraph but it never stops.

I'm probably getting hired full time as soon as there's a real plan for going that route. The good news got brushed under the rug in my mind because it's lonely at my desk. I suppose part of the problem with me is the deadly serious industrial nature of my creative work. I don't get many chances to just play with digital arts stuff so my creative friends can barely relate. I've been gearing up to do more fun computing stuff on the side so I can engage friends more but there's a lot of learning curves & expenditures involved there. Maybe I should buy a new camera but I can't really afford it & I'm more interested in the 3D graphics world than I am in photography anymore, but I do like shooting landscape stuff.

More importantly I should actually make an effort to catch up with people but I don't seem able to stop being invisible. If someone gets a message from me they'll probably just consider it abnormal & keep clicking elsewhere.

Basically I give up. It's pointless to check myself on what all I've been doing entirely wrong all the time when there's no one around of relevance to self improvement like that. As sad as it feels, it's obvious that most people are indifferent to whatever happens to me.

I relate. Last week I got a VP-level award after a year of griping about the lack of one... now that I got it. Meh.

I have felt that way: Lonely in a room (building, community) full of people. I think that's fairly typical for AS. I have (NT) friends who say they care and I try to take it at face value, but we don't relate as well as I would like so it feels insincere, although I know it's not, but it feels that way. Wishing you find contentment within yourself and/or one good friend...

Granted I'm female, so it may be different, but my BFF (shared Special Interest) and I have a regularly scheduled talk time. We do not chat; it's intense.