My apartment neighbor threatened to shoot me earlier today

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Wow!
That kit/model looks like a $collectible$!

How are you doing?

Not so hot; still having a major ME/CFS flare.

A bit of info, the long way around;

Around 1984 or so my Dad was one of US Navy's first, and I think the actual literal first, medical retirement with ME/CFS and fibromyalgia.
Then about 10 years later, his 16-years younger sister was finally forced out of her nursing career by her MS.
Then about 10 years after that, ME/CFS, fibromyalgia, and the neuropathy and a couple other things I already had, ganged up to end my working days.

Fortunately for me, where the ME/CFS messes with Dad's ability to swallow, it just messes with my voice.

It was only just today, a week later, that I've heard back from my Psychologist's office.

The thing with these big ME/CFS flares is you don't know if it will take a few weeks to recover, take a few months to recover, or if the current low from the flare becomes the new normal baseline.

Part 2; thought about it and yeah, I will let this out,

And even worse;

I'm having a serious struggle with taking on an "I hate women, all women", mindset;

Things have come strongly in from memory:

1.) My brother's first wife Becky went from ridiculing and undermining him, to sexually abusing their children when he was on deployment to eventually coming after him with a knife trying to kill him.

2.) My brother's second wife Aimee continued the trend of abusing the boys while the Army had him deployed. And there were other things too.

3.) And my own wife when I was having a big health collapse and one day had an autism meltdown in 2006 instead of being my helpmate she was mocking me and when I asked her to stop ridiculing me she got up and literally waved her finger in my face with "I'll use ridicule on you whenever I want to, I'll keep using ridicule, and you'll just learn to live with it!"

4.) And then when I was on Facebook from 2009 to 2015 in a few CFS/ME and fibromyalgia support groups about every 30 to 90 days some woman would go, "Oh, your name is Forrest and you have autism; Run Forrest run!" (from that Forrest Gump movie) usually with posting some tacky cartoon to either the whole group and/or me directly & at least a dozen others would pile on the likes.

5.) And then my own wife Kathy about 7 to 10 days after I both told her directly and publicly posted on Facebook that, I'm done putting up with my very identity being mocked and ridiculed, you do that, I'm done with you as a person, you are out of my life, did exactly that in a public post on my wall.

6.) And then we have the thing last Monday where after an argument in the apartment manager's office Lisa left for a while then came back to tell me "You get in someone's face again and they could take out a gun and shoot you." I didn't get her face, she stood up in the chair and got in mine, and then she lied to the Police's faces in telling them I lunged at her and spit in her face, which fortunately, the manager was witness to and informed the police as to what really happened.

So, yeah, all that is very strong in my memory currently & I feel about 3 nanoseconds from the point where women are universally and inherently evil and I hate every one of them with a rabid hatred.

Not a fun place to be, but just arbitrarily deciding I'm not going there and not feeling that way has done nothing.

After getting home last Monday from the events with Lisa I called my psychologist, got voice mail.

Just heard back from them today.

Have an appointment 3:30 Thursday, out at Bonnie's horse farm instead of at the office.

The office rooms are not big enough to have 6ft social distancing.

The arena at her horse farm is.

I had no idea that behavior like that was tolerated on Facebook!
If someone is not happy in her marriage, does not want to be supportive of someone she planned to spend her life with, why would she stay around and make both their lives wretched; why not leave?

Lisa triggered what you need to resolve.

Hence your past memory recall being brought to the surface now.

Go beyond your hatred of women.

And look back to the past and when this first thought of hating women first surfaced.


I commiserate,as i have a neighbor similar to Lisa,
but i look at her as a blessing,
for triggering and bringing up unresolved issues from the past.

A silver lining.

Sending love and best wishes,

Take care.

Hmm, interesting point.
I wasn't aware of having such a hatred before this thing last Monday.
Which doesn't mean there wasn't one, only means I wasn't aware of having one.

That is something that I did not see:
Something GOOD coming out of Lisa’s exasperating, threatening behavior!
Now that it is said I can see that!

Oh dear, just looked at weather, hope it doesn't get in the way of going to see Bonnie my psychologist, tomorrow afternoon; there have been 4 times through the last 3 decades that I've fallen in slick weather and gotten broken bones, one time with the added benefit of a concussion if it is at all slick I'm cancelling, rescheduling, or whatever the correct word is.

At least if there is a 30% chance of something happening that is also a 70% chance of it not happening.
I think.

Tonight
A chance of rain and snow before 4am, then a chance of rain, snow, and freezing rain between 4am and 5am, then a chance of rain and snow after 5am. Mostly cloudy, with a low around 33. East wind 3 to 5 mph. Chance of precipitation is 30%. New precipitation amounts of less than a tenth of an inch possible.

Thursday
A chance of rain, snow, and freezing rain before 8am, then a slight chance of rain and snow between 8am and 11am, then a slight chance of rain after 11am. Mostly cloudy, with a high near 40. Calm wind becoming southwest around 5 mph. Chance of precipitation is 30%. New precipitation amounts of less than a tenth of an inch possible.

Do you drive to appointments, or take public transportation?
If you only have to make it from the front door to an Uber, I hope it will be possible to keep the appointment.
Support and guidance are SO needed right now.
Face to face human interaction is so hard to come by.
What you have been going through lately really needs someone to walk through it with you, and to try to sort it out.

I drive, there is no public transportation in our little farm burg.
My understanding is that to use Uber you need a smartphone, since I'm at home 6.5 days a week I don't have one.
And the location is only 2.5 miles, 4km from home, so I might as well drive anyway.

I do not want you to risk a fall, or frostbite, or (God Forbid) a traffic incident, but I feel so strongly that with the stress you are carrying you need to talk to your therapist to try to lift some of this emotional weight.
Is a telephone or FaceTime session possible?

With the mess my voice is right now from the CFS/ME flare, a telephone session is technically easily possible, how long I would last at it is the same question that applies to an in person appointment.
We shall see.

My understanding is that Face Time is part of Facebook, which I'm not on any more since 2015.
I'm not on other social media either for 2 reasons, one being from what I've seen of them they are too intense for me & the other being that you have to have a smart phone for something called "factor authentication" or similar.

Just looked at weather again and there is still a 70% chance of nothing happening,

Determine that you WILL to go to the appointment, put it ALL on the table, tell your therapist that you want to leave the weight behind when you leave to go home, tell her you want her help letting go.
You should not have to keep on carrying the burden of others’ behaviors and emotions.
The ex-wives and Lisas of this world don’t have the right to use others as dumping grounds for their anger and bitterness.

Sounds like a plan.

To save on talking with my currently weak voice, I printed what has happened, copying some of my posts, none of y'all's posts, that would violate privacy, just mine telling about things, from here to take for Bonnie to read.
The printouts are already in a bag to take tomorrow.

Weather has improved by quite a bit, so it won't force me to miss appointment with my Psychologist.
Thursday
A slight chance of rain between noon and 1pm. Mostly cloudy, with a high near 43. Calm wind becoming southwest around 5 mph. Chance of precipitation is 20%.