No-Contact Gaslighters

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I did enough snooping around on my own to confirm that it was true.
There is no funeral, only a private cremation.
Address undisclosed.
No one made any effort to invite us / the kids to it, so they didn't send flowers.
I'm sure they'd say it was the kids' fault and that Granny offed herself with a broken heart.


Edit:

The passive-aggressive part of me wants to send a card:

"Are you sure she really had cancer? I don't believe it. I think she was lying. Her doctors were lying too. I don't believe they were even oncologists. I've seen your mother before and she didn't act like she had cancer, so you're faking this whole thing and you defrauded government services to indicate otherwise. Meet me in court. I'm gonna sue you, and Granny's estate, and all of her doctors, for lying. I'll take every penny your family has."

I mean why not, right?

That's exactly what they did to us when they said my daughter and her doctors were lying.

I know it's tempting but don't sink to their level.

The best revenge is to live well i.e. without them in your lives. Cut them off completely, forget about them, move on and pretend they are all dead.

Well that's my advice anyway.

I would ideally maintain no contact but at times like this i would do anything possible to tarnish the reputation and credibility of the grandmother if relentlessly badgered by her side of the family.

If accused of heinous behaviour the sketchy side of the family might be less willing to take the grandmothers side and perhaps provide breathing space. She certainly can't defend herself from accusations now.

I don't really know the family dynamics and have never been in such a situation though. It's just worked for me in the past as an absolute last resort.

The thing is, people like that will take very careful note of whatever you do and spread that around quickly. They will call attention to everything you do while omitting the bad things they have done. It will all become very nasty very quickly.

Unless you can get some kind of legal restraining order or something against them and really hit them hard.

It's probably not a good idea to respond to them unless you set boundaries. Even then you have to be careful with your words and you have to be calm.

Something like, "I am sorry you feel that way and I would have loved to have been there. However, that's only if you stop putting our family on one of your guilt trips." Otherwise, your ex and his family sound like toxic people who aren't worth your time.

Anyway, I have been reading a lot of the posts on this thread and I am finding it to be helpful and supportive. I also chose to have no contact with my family. The main reason is that a lot of them have been abusive to me while others ostracized me. Yet, they don't get why I went no contact with them. Rather, they think I am the one with the problem and that I am victimizing myself. They think that I am the one who was abusive to them when in reality, I was just trying to stand up for myself. Why did I hit them and say nasty things? Simple, they would bully me just about every other time I would turn around.

I can't understand why some people have children if they are going to treat them badly. We don't treat our daughter badly, we love and take care of her. It's not rocket science.

This woman disowned her own daughter who had Down Syndrome.

That’s another story.

People don't think or care that when you have a child, that's it. You have to look after them for as long as it takes. It's not just for a few months/years.

My mother in law was disowned, she was put in a children's home by her parents. Probably because she was dyslexic (long before that was discovered) and had a club foot. Yes, great reasons to put a child in a home...NOTTTTTTTTT!

This happened when the daughter was an adult.

It’s sick.

Yes, as I said You have to look after them for as long as it takes. It's not just for a few months/years. Some children need help til they die.

No kidding, my aunt-in-law disowned me for having autism when I become a young adult She also refused to let my uncle and cousins have any relationship with me. Things were so bad that they would pretend not to know me and avoid me at all costs in public and at their church.

I'm sorry that happened.

This woman didn't even notify her daughter when the father died.

My kids didn't know this aunt of theirs existed until they were about five years old and I mentioned her.
They didn't believe me that their dad had a second sister.
My daughter finally met her for the first time when she (my daughter) was around 15 years old.

I wonder if the disowned one was invited to her mum's funeral, if she ended up having one at all.
It seems she maybe didn't.

I just wonder, 'what is wrong with people?'

There's so many examples of humans treating each other badly, how have we survived as a species?

My immediate family had a similar experience when my aunt's mother had died. For one thing, they did not bother to notify us when she had died. Instead, we learned about about 8 months later. When I got a card, I was very upset because I felt like she was a third grandma to me. We would get together during holidays and birthdays.

At that point I'd had it with the way they treated my family. So I ended up telling my aunt and uncle off via Facebook and said that I felt like our entire family needed to look at counseling.

I seriously think humans are going insane. I think it's the pollution in everything, the food full of additives, the constant stream of information to process, the endless screentime we engage in.

Not sure what will become of us.

I think for the most part, planet Earth could do with a major purge of idiotic, narcissistic people.

Maybe we need to go back to primitive lifestyles - living in family groups, depending on others, revering our elders (assuming they are worthy of respect), raising our own children, eating what we grow, sleeping at sunset, and having some sort of barter system for helping those around us.