Really disgusted

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I'm having trouble believing it, Inventor. The whole thing is horribly degrading. People exist as hollow shells with masks of life. Any illusion of safety is an excuse to take joy out of my life. Education was used as a way to beat learning out of me.

I have little idea why I should continue to live. Something has to change. I feel like I have the right to get every grubby set of hands off my stuff and my life by whatever means it takes.

Ever notice that everything, just everything, seems to involve people believing that they have the right to put their grubbies on other people's stuff and just mutilate it for the fun of it? I had a cousin like that. My mother's destructiveness was pretty similar.

I could not agree more.

I know why I got so stupid. It's because I was forcibly prevented from taking my learning any further after I was about eight years old.

I wasn't taught how to do stuff. When I did something "wrong" my mother simply beat me, physically and mentally. I was "supposed" to learn all sorts of things from that but all I learned was an aversion to life.

Weird, how they never teach you anything useful. They just try to destroy self-sufficiency.

Really weird. I think that the attraction is in the self-murder thing. Destroy your children, destroy yourself. Don't eliminate the pet dog from your home today, spay it and eliminate its descendants. It's deferred suicide. It's people who are dead inside fearing to feel alive.

What is with people who would rather deal with a "ret*d" who will forever be dependent? Is it the control freak thing? Lobotomize me with chemicals so I will quietly live in an apartment, have two and a half grandchildren, never have any bright ideas, never have a real life, just spam in a can under control of the matri-bitch?

People tell me they've treated me with some kind of "justice" when all they did was push my nose in the mud because they could.

Once again, my sister simply seems unable to comprehend the fact that she places my livelihood and hers in jeopardy when she refuses to contribute. I respect the Mexican women who I work with because they will do what it takes, as far as work goes, to earn wages. My sister gets angry with me if I suggest doing this, no matter how I phrase it.

I can't believe that I am this old and in any way, shape, or form, my family, who are idiots, have this much control over my life. I can't tear away from my mother and my sister can pull the rug out from under me any time she cares to, as in any time she gets pissed at me. They take advantage of this and hurt and humiliate me.

There is a time limit to how long I can keep doing the work that I can do, and I don't know how long that is. It doesn't pay much but if there were one other responsible adult in the house we would make out OK.

These are very perceptive statements. There is such a culture of death now: death to individuality and excellence. We are expected to be bland and socially interchangeable units. We are always told to look to the future and forget about enjoying life in the here and now.

When the future comes and we look back on all our lost opportunities, we are hardly going to thank the people who told us we should put all our faith in "pie in the sky, by and by".

Thank you, and it's very strange. The philosophy I thought was the complete negation of the philosophy that she thought that she was teaching me. I'm supposed to wait for my future to be given to me, and of course no one is going to do that except for a parasite who is simply going to use me up.