I can't even call the suicide hotline :(

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Thank you all so much for helping me get through a very rough night. I'm taking it easy for the weekend...

Happy to hear from you. Hope you have a restful weekend.

Hey Greentea,

I've been reading your posts, and I would like to say that if you were in my neighborhood.. or city, I would definately come and visit. I make a killer chicken soup. I would bring you some and sit around and talk.
Thinking of you and hoping you feel better soon. Even though you feel all alone, there are people praying for you and thinking of you daily.

Love,
Laura

Greentea, you are a great person, and I wish you the best. The best thing I ever did in regards to employment is to stop caring about mangement or the company. That doesn't mean I don't care about my work. It's all about the work. I'm dedicated and do all I can within reason. But you are not in control of other people's actions, so why stress over what you can't control? I continue to hear downsizing at my company, but I make my work valuable and, if they decide to let me go, I did what I could. I refuse to spend time on hearsay and hypotheticals.

Second, the employee-employer relationship is often compared to a marriage, and rightfully so. If you appear desperate and beg for your job, the company only treats you worse. Winning an award was based on your good work. All the rumors of getting fired are based on hearsay and someone else's whims. Have confidence in your abilities which has been proven by tangible results! Wonder Woman is right: get out the resume. Stop turning to HR to save you. Save yourself. You can do it.

Many of us go through the "abyss". I just got over mine , and wasn't pretty at all, i was crying all the time just thinking how i fail at everything and how lonely i was and ignoring the few people trying to help me. I also had a huge outrage where i broke a window stabbed my arm a few times with a knife , i guess i was trying to end myself via bloodloss or something, i ended up having to go to the hospital until i calmed down. I later realized my meds were a contributing factor to this and that some of it was in just my head. Now looking back i think its just damn stupid i was trying to pull something like that off and that i was missing out on so much. Don't worry it'll pass , i didn't think it would but, hey it did.

I'm sorry to hear you were so down. The meds are supposed to help, not cause harm, so too bad that they were a factor in the crisis. Are you feeling better now?