I talked with my case worker today and she told me that she is leaving, meaning I am going to get a new case worker in a few weeks. Yay for me. I told her about the bomb and other stuff and she just said its not real and if I do anything I will go to the hospital. I really hate the hospital because the people were mean to me there last year and picked on just me and then the doctor lied to my face. All on my birthday. I really want to give that doctor a piece of my mind! I want to tell him, "first of all, you lied to me. I hate liars, they burn in Hell. You told me what I am experiencing was a real condition and that I am not making it up. But when I picked up the report, it said and I quote, "the patient is highly suggestible and has a vivid imagination and she reads this stuff on the Internet and books." Basically you are accusing me of "Factitious Disorder" otherwise known as making it up and lying. Now I demand to see a doctor who will believe me and not take it so damn lightly and not call me a f-ing liar. I am truly suffering here, it is no fun. Stop thinking I brought it on myself, you jerk!" I won't be nice to that jerk and I need to get this off my chest. I have anger built up just for this terrible doctor WHO SHOULD BE FIRED. Besides the doctor being a jerk, there were these three bullies that picked on me that week I was in starting on my birthday which is February 19th. One also called me a liar, one kept on making fun of my weight "oh what a fat ass she got! Oh my God, look at that stomach!" and another thought I should be put in the state mental hospital and I didn't even tell him my so called delusions- this was just the psych ward in a regular hospital. I feel like seriously hurting myself trying to get that bleeping bomb out and bleed all over the place and say, "Does this look like I'm faking it you jerk?" Just because my "schizoaffective disorder" doesn't present in the typical way, does not mean I am faking. It is because of my autism. Not even my depression has presented in the normal way- my facial expressions looked the same as when I am happy, I couldn't really cry or show that I am depressed. I am glad to say I am not depressed now. It is because my business after 10 years of failure is starting to succeed. In fact I am more manic than depressed. The way that my schizoaffective disorder is different is because voices are not my main problem even though I do hear my name being called a lot, or the TV on when its not, or a conversation when none is taking place. It is the other less common "hallucinations" that I get like visual, tactile, and even occasionally olfactory. And my disorganized speech only happens occasionally and not all the time as obviously not taking place now but if you see some of my past posts, you can see how disorganized my speech can be. My catatonia last only for 5 minutes to an hour. Its because of the bleeping autism that makes it present different and I realize this but this idiot doesn't. He says that I am not even autistic. He is in denial.
01 Jan 2009, 1:39 am
